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I know I'm prbably being over sensitive but...4 year old Daughter started school & classmates being nasty to her :-(

(14 Posts)
peachcake Wed 10-Oct-12 17:18:49

As the title says, I'm struggling to keep my little one happy as I don't feel happy either!
My daughter started reception in September and has said for the last few weeks that other girls in the class are being mean to her, I have taken it all with a pinch of salt as I know how kids exaggerate etc. but she is giving me examples and scenarios now! It's one little sh*t in particular who is making her an outcast and getting others to do the same, not letting her join in and name calling etc.
This week I have spoken to the teacher and she said she has tried to have a listen and catch them out but everytime she goes over, they are as nice as pie to her (crafty as well as mean).
I'm dreading picking her up now as I can usually see by her expression the minute she walks out the door if she has been upset.
I sound like a complete drama queen I know, but it's really breaking my heart, any advice gratefully received, I feel like home schooling right now, it's miserable :-((

onceortwice Wed 10-Oct-12 17:23:35

Oh, I really feel for you.

My DS is hating school and I am also seriously considering HE (but different reasons behind it) It's horrid picking them up knowing they have been uphappy.

Will she tell you what's been said / why? Can you talk to the other child's parents? Invite for a playdate (this is one situation where keeping your enemies closer can work, IMHO)

Alternatively, can you get her to name the kids who are nice to her and forge friendships there?

As I said, we are at the other end of the spectrum, but you have my sympathy. xx

AgentProvocateur Wed 10-Oct-12 17:26:59

Well, for a start YABU to call a four-year-old a little shit. That's just unpleasant. And I'm not sure that many children that age have got the capacity to be crafty or mean. They are FOUR!

Have you tried inviting some of her classmates round for a play after school? I'm sure once your DD gets to know the others, and they her, things will get better.

I do think you'll need to change your attitude though, because your daughter and the other mums can probably pick up how you feel about the others.

Arseface Wed 10-Oct-12 17:32:19

Your poor DD. It's hard enough when they first start school without this kind of thing happening.

Is there anyone in the class she does get on with? I would be proactive about inviting other children for tea/meet after school in the park/cinema and pizza etc whatever you can afford and think she will enjoy. Try and organise it midweek and make sure it's high octane fun so gets talked about the next day wink.

Also, definitely approach the teacher again and make sure she's fully aware of how much this is affecting your DD. Are there any specific incidences you can tell her about? Don't be worried about being seen as difficult etc as the school should be really on the ball with this stuff in reception. Half of what they have to learn this year is social etiquette and behaviour related and having a miserable first impression of school can cast a long shadow.

Be clear that you want this sorted out. Your DD has as much right to enjoy her school day as any other child and she will remember that you stood up for her.

DoodleAlley Wed 10-Oct-12 17:34:24

Actually I wouldn't use that phrase but there are some four year olds who can be very spiteful at times. They are plenty old enough to be deliberately nasty.

I'd agree about inviting a few friends over tO your house perhaps for a fun party style tea. Help her to make the kind of friendships that will help her weather this.

But I'd also be putting continued pressure on the school as it needs nipping in the bud before it becomes a habit.

You have my sympathies and I completely understand the way you are feeling

hellymelly Wed 10-Oct-12 17:35:30

I do think four year olds can be both crafty and mean, but mostly at this age it is testing their own power. Sadly girls excell in this kind of emotional bullying and for girls who don't do it, it can be pretty miserable. My dd had to be taken out of school at 5 , partly due to this sort of thing happening to her, so I sympathise. (she is back in school now, and is better able to cope at 7, but is also in a friendlier class.) I would speak more strongly to the teacher, she needs to give the class as a whole a talk about kindness to others and help them all to be nicer to each other. 4 is too small to be miserable ! I sympathise with you, it is hard to deal with.

onceortwice Wed 10-Oct-12 17:44:32

Oh, FGS... It's perfectly normal behaviour to think a 4YO is being a little shit. It's unreasonable to CALL a child a little shit, but not to think it.

There are several kids I actively dislike because they are openly nasty to my DS. Several parents too, truth be told.

MummyDuckAndDuckling Wed 10-Oct-12 17:55:24

4 year olds can def be mean and crafty!!!! Having worked in a nursery, I know from bitter experience!

Whistlingwaves Wed 10-Oct-12 18:01:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HiHowAreYou Wed 10-Oct-12 18:18:31

Oh I am sympathetic. DD just started too. I've seen some of the other girls be nasty to her in the playground when waiting to go in and DD just looks so bewildered. sad
She's not used to it.

merlottits Wed 10-Oct-12 18:28:25

I have a new 4 year old reception DD and I'm laughing at the thought of 4 year old girls being too young to be 'little shits'. They, even at this age, have huge capacity for nastiness and excusion of each other. They can be extremely devious and manipulative.

You need to keep plugging away at this. The teacher mustn't let this carry on.
I feel for you. Your poor DD.

Chundle Wed 10-Oct-12 18:39:00

I have an 8 yr old dd and girls can be terribly mean! I've found that girls with older sisters can be particularly mean from an early age as they pick things up from siblings. I went through all this with dd1 and the girls are five times worse age 8 so you need to get your dd to have an action plan now. Next time the ring leader says something unkind get your dd to say something back such as " if you're going to be mean then you won't have many friends left" or something similar then get her to walk away. Get her to stand tall and not be pushed around.

AgentProvocateur Wed 10-Oct-12 19:28:51

blush I stand corrected about mean crafty four year old girls. I have older teenage boys, so I've obviously blanked out the early years!

PoppyScarer Wed 10-Oct-12 21:10:49

I sympathise, OP, my 4yo is also having a tough time. Also telling me all kinds of stories about what others have said and done.

Having spoken to the teacher, though, I am not sure what is true and what is not. I have been doing a lot of reading and am now wondering if the issues are with my DD and possibly Asperger's.

It's utterly miserable, I feel your pain.

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