Emotional, angry and frustrated(2 Posts)
Hi all, I just wanted to share a little ray of hope...
A while ago I posted about how my DD (7 at the time) could be really quite emotional and sometimes got very angry and frustrated. I found it very hard and at the time her behaviour seemed very difficult indeed. I felt her behaviour and feelings were unusual and extreme.
Over the last few months I have talked to lots of friends and found that DD is a normal little girl just processing all the emotions, which is fine but can still be very troublesome! She is probably more sensitive and emotional than others which can lead to her really expressing her anger and frustration when she cant get her own way!
As time has gone on I have tried to analyse her behaviour and help her whenever she has a temper tantrum, or feels upset about a situation. I have found she is not actually an angry child. She is a very loving child who sometimes feels quite emotional. The key for me was in working out how much she felt upset and sad by our confrontations, she really wanted to hug and cuddle and make up very quickly, which seemed to imply she was keen to find a way to mend our relationship when we fell out.
So now we talk, and I stay very calm and clear with her. If she is naughty she gets a punishment (time out or no TV) as before - but I also try as quickly as I can to reassure her I love her in spite of her naughty behaviour. I always felt that love but now I need to tell her about it because she seems very sensitive. She used to accuse me of not loving her when I told her off, which seemed crazy but now I see that rather than dismissing her fears as silly (of course I DO love her) I need to address them, they are real to her and I think they were fueling her anger.
So I don't now think 'anger issues', I think a full range of emotions. Unlike an adult who can rationalise how she feels, she struggles with her emotions and I think she was really quite young for 7.
So I've been trying to use every opportunity when DD does get emotional about things to talk to her about it and try and help her to process how she feels.
I was given a place on a parenting course, which looks like a really good course. Even before I started it I was already trying lots of things to understand DD's feelings and help her work through things. I feel sure the course will be very useful too.
I am very happy to report that over the last few weeks her behaviour has vastly improved!
I have done lots of parenting courses before, that kind of thing just interests me! Even when DD was a baby my DH and I did a parenting course! Of course a parenting course does help give ideas but it is putting them into practice that is the hard thing!
If anyone is interested this most recent course is called 'The Family Links Nurturing Programme', and on first inspection it looks very good.
I think DD has done really well and this may be partly due to the schools link worker, who has been doing some one-to-one work with my DD. I guess that is a kind of 'counselling' for DD. It's something for her to work on with someone else and not me. So I think it has been a joint effort. DD is getting some help at school and I am getting some help too, so when we talk and when things do get frustrating at home, like when I tell her to do things and she doesn't do them, instead of my getting angry and cross immediately and her getting angry, upset and emotional, we are both able to work it through.
It is not fantastic all the time but the good times far far outweigh the bad times! A while ago I felt it was all going not well at all but now I can honestly say I think we have turned a corner. I am very grateful to the schools link worker.
I just wanted to encourage anyone else struggling with emotional or angry behaviour.
PS sorry that turned into a bit of an essay!
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