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Behaviour/development

Separation anxiety from hell!

4 replies

JacqueslePeacock · 07/10/2012 13:16

Can anyone suggest any solutions or ways of coping?

Last month my nearly-13-month-old DS started going to nursery 4 days a week. Although he seems to be enjoying it, he has dreadful separation anxiety. It is waking him up repeatedly in the night and he won't settle for anyone but me - not ideal as I have just started a new, stressful job with a long commute. In the evenings and at weekends it's just awful - he screams if I move to the other side of the room! Today he has been sobbing his eyes out any time I'm not actually holding him. He refuses to go to DH or to be put down at all, even on the floor next to me. I'm going demented through lack of sleep and the inability to do even basic things like cleaning my teeth without distraught wailing.

Desperately hoping someone has some ideas...

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Kalisi · 07/10/2012 16:13

Oh bless you! We had exactly the same thing with our DS at the same age, not with me but witb DH. It may not be ideal for you but what worked for DH was literally not leaving DS's side when he was home. He slept in our bed, stayed cuddled up to him and carried him around constantly for about a week. It was hard and we really worried that we'd be teaching him bad habits but as I said in a week he was fine and perfectly independant now. No matter what you do it will pass eventually just try not to feel too guilty about it.

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JacqueslePeacock · 07/10/2012 18:27

That's really interesting - thank you Kalisi. My instincts say to do the same, actually, but it's tricky, because I need to do some work from home over the weekend. Also I have such bad nights with him that I've begun to rely on DH taking him off me for an hour or two so I can catch up on sleep. Although having said that I couldn't nap at all this morning because of the terrible wailing! It's reassuring to hear that we're not the only ones though - none of my friends' babies seem to be going through this with anything like the same intensity, so I was feeling as though i'd done something wrong.

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Kalisi · 07/10/2012 19:32

Oh honestly that is the worst part isn't it? I felt exactly the same about everyone elses LO's and was quite unreasonably bitter about it
I'm sure you've already tried this as well but whenever DH was unable to hold him for whatever reason, he had to literally leave the room and make no noise so he was out of sight and mind. Apart from that you just have to kind of wait it out really, it's not your fault, you haven't created a damaged, clingy baby (which I completely convinced myself I had!!)and apart from lots of cuddles there is not really any tactics that we tried that 'cured' it. He just grew out of it and realised eventually that Daddy always came back. I do genuinely feel for you though it is heartbreaking and so bloody frustrating as well! (which ofcourse makes you feel guilty)

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JacqueslePeacock · 08/10/2012 10:13

Crikey, your experience sounds exactly the same! I too have noticed that DS will eventually settle for DH for short periods as long as he cannot see or hear me AT ALL. Wish it would work in the night though...

Thank you so much for reassuring me that it's nothing I've done. Waiting it out is a lot easier if you aren't constantly wondering where you've gone wrong!