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What is it with 4 years old boys being violent?

(8 Posts)
tostaky Sun 07-Oct-12 00:19:29

I can see a few threads about it on this and the next page but no answers...

So.... Hi, my name is Mum and I have a 4 years old DS who is becoming more violent and more disrespectful by the day.... Why? How? What can I do about it?
He has always been a high maintenance, high energy kid. Not great at understanding other kids clues (ie. if a kid says no, i dont want my truck to do this, DS just carries on by whatever means he has: snatching, forcing, pushing)
He has recently started pre-school and his behaviour has deteriorated since: scratching children, playing too rough, destroying other children's Legos etc... Hitting me, kicking doors and inanimate objects.... He wasn't like this before...
I don't know what to do - HELP!!

stillwaitingforthesummer Sun 07-Oct-12 08:31:30

I have a previously quite gentle recently turned 4 year old boy who can be like this too. No solutions - I am just trying to be consistent and re-enforce boundaries, and am repeating to myself that it's just a phase... Apparently boys get a huge testosterone surge at 4 so this could at least explain the "why?" part of your post. Much sympathy.

BikeRunSki Sun 07-Oct-12 08:42:09

Have you read "Raising Boys" by Steve Biddulph? It was recommended to mecby a good friend who is a mum of 3 (2 boys) and a Reception teacher. It is very easy to read. Even if you don't necessarily agree with what he has to say, he raises some interesting points.

Anyway, one thing I learnt is that, at 4, boys have a hormone surge and have as much testosterone as a teenage boy. This is where the sudden violence of formerly peaceful 4 year old boys including mine!

BikeRunSki Sun 07-Oct-12 08:42:50

X post SWFW.

tostaky Sun 07-Oct-12 18:14:23

Will get the books - thanks

He is sooo challenging, it is hard to believe...sad

Clairelfc Mon 08-Oct-12 15:16:14

Hi there, in case if gives you any reassurance, I have 2 boys now aged 8 and 9 who both went through this at this age. Both are now delightful (most of the time!). On the other hand my four year old daughter has recently become the child from hell, won't listen to me, in fact won't listen to anyone, thumps kids at school who won't do what she tells them and is generally as difficult as she can be. I am clinging to the mantra "it's only a phase" though I swear she's had me in tears more often than the boys combined! Hang on in there - as long as you're consistent and follow through you will get there in the end.

(and as I write this I'm remembering that this was the age when I brought in reward charts for the boys and it really seemed to work. Must start one for my dd! Steve Biddulph definitely helped. If only there was a book called Raising Girls!) x

BikeRunSki Mon 08-Oct-12 18:15:30

There is a book called Raising Girls!!!! Not by Steve Biddulph, but written as a companion to his, I forget the author, but do now have a DD too.

tostaky Fri 12-Oct-12 22:24:41

Well.... Ds1 was an absolute horror last week, culminating in an horrendous week-end and on Monday everything changed again... Very sweet, very nice, almost perfect!
Not too sure what happened!
Still need to order that book from biddulf, just in case...grin
Good luck everybody!!!

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