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Regrets in your choice to be a SAHM?

(11 Posts)
Inge2012 Fri 05-Oct-12 10:26:55

I just wondered if you ever regret this decision? Is there a way back? Being a stay at home mum is fine for a while, but what if I get bored? What if I want to get back in? Just wondered if any of you have ever regretted to take a career break?

yani Fri 05-Oct-12 12:27:38

Hi there,
I don't have any rergrets about being a SAHM (6 yrs). My time has been well spent, and DC are happy. however there are times when they drive me up the wall
What I would say though, is that somehow I have become a 1950's housewife.
I look after everything household and dp is happy to let this happen.
Also, carry on living YOUR life, don't just let life happen to other people. I put so many things on hold, which I now regret.
And if it doesn't work for you, there are many benefits of working too grin

LapinDeBois Fri 05-Oct-12 13:14:58

Have never regretted it, but now that my children are getting older (DS2 starts school in two years' time), the day when I feel I ought to go back to work is drawing closer (no particular desire to go back, if I'm honest, but we need the money really). And I don't have the first clue what I'm going to do. Previous job was quite high-flier/London-based, and there's no way I want to go back to that. Although I would never change the time off I've had with the children, I do think it's quite hard to go from SAHM to using daycare, so I'm basically not considering work unless I can find a job that fits into school hours. Which is well-nigh impossible. Got my head firmly in the sand at the moment grin. The other thing I'd say is that you need to be at least a little bit 'domestic' to enjoy being a SAHM (or mega-rich). I don't mean you have to be a 50s style domestic goddess - I bloody hate housework as much as the next woman. But I do enjoy cooking, and (in spite of being a feminist) I don't have any problems with the 'status' of being a SAHM, and neither does DH. Yes, I do the majority of the housework etc, but only because I'm the one in the house more of the time. DH doesn't view me any differently, or 'expect' a perfect house and dinner on the table (see other threads on MN for husbands who take a rather different view grin). And I'm pretty immune to the digs I often get from other women (the charming 'I couldn't stay at home with the kids, my brain would just rot away' and 'I had to go back to work to get my identity back again' comments) If you have any concerns in this direction, I would urge you to think again.

And I agree with Yani about carrying on your own life. I have taken up a hobby and do quite a bit of voluntary work (not mum-related). This means I'm actually out in the evenings far more than DH is, and I do feel like I've got at least a bit of a life outside the kids.

Totobear Fri 05-Oct-12 13:22:08

Well said Lapin. I am considering the SAHM option because I never envisaged going back to work with children and I don't love my career. However, I feel a bit guilty financially as DH not loaded so we will be economising even more than we already are.

I also sometimes question whether it would be better for DS if we had more cash than me staying at home. Most of the mumsi know are going back to work so feel a bit like the odd bod.

Totobear Fri 05-Oct-12 13:25:28

Also meant to say before I had to rush off to a grizzly DS! I love baking, knitting, doing crafts etc etc so happy to play at this all daysmile

LapinDeBois Fri 05-Oct-12 13:33:47

Totobear I think the money thing comes down to attitude as well (unless you're really going to be struggling to make ends meet, obviously). We lost nearly 70% of our income when I stopped working, so it was a bit of a culture shock! But it depends on whether you think you can economise without minding. We live a pretty quiet sort of life, and although I'm out a lot in the evening, it's never (or very rarely) expensive nights out. And DH never does those sorts of nights out either. We're just as happy sitting in front of a DVD than going out for meals etc (even though we used to do that a lot), and we almost never get a paid babysitter. Similarly, I don't do loads of expensive baby classes with the DC - just swimming lessons and that's it. I'm very happy to spend time in the garden, in the woods, doing jigsaws etc. And there's a bit of me that quite enjoys some of the economising - 'proper' cooking, make do and mend kind of stuff. But if you're a lattes and designer clothes kind of person (nothing wrong with that - I've got a friend who's like that and couldn't abide being a SAHM), then it's probably not for you.

Totobear Fri 05-Oct-12 13:46:55

I think your life sounds perfect! And I actually think going back to work would be the easier option than staying at home!

I have splashed out (ha ha) on swimming classes but not the others as most of the stuff can be done at home, music, lights etc.

I think I know that I want to stay at home but I just have to stop feeling guilty!

PigeonPie Fri 05-Oct-12 13:52:35

I've not regretted it ever. I am still 'me', have still got my identity, just one more, as I was already someone's wife, daughter, sister, cousin, colleague and have just added 'mother' to the collection!

Once DS1 started at Playgroup, I took on being Secretary and have helped run the place for the last four years as a volunteer. But because of that voluntary work, I've now got three, small, paid jobs which I can do from home when the DSs are at school, but holidays etc can be worked around.

I love the flexibility of being at home and don't have the worries of when the DSs are ill or have hospital appointments etc.

Financially, it hasn't been easy, but we have budgeted very carefully and do without some luxuries which others would consider essential, but, on balance, I'm very glad to have spent these last seven years with my children.

tigersmummy Fri 05-Oct-12 16:58:29

I put DS into nursery for 2 data at 12 months, as intended to return to work part time. They only offered full time but we decided it would socially beneficial for him to go as planned, plus would give me some time to myself as my mat leave was affected by my mum dying when DS was couple if months old. It had benefitted us both and now pregnant again with DS now in school I intend to have best of both worlds by putting baby in nursery/working 2-3 days a week then having quality time with her. I couldn't be a full time SAHM but that is in no way a derogatory statement, I am in awe of those who do but personally for me work defines me as much as motherhood.

startlife Fri 05-Oct-12 20:15:52

I haven't regretted being a SAHM for my ds, it has been the best solution for him however the impact to my career has been significant. Now that ds is at school I have realised how difficult it is to get back into the workplace in an enjoyable and satisfying career. I do resent the impact being a SAHM can have.

It's not possible to do both so ultimately you have to choose a path and hope it's the right one for you.

marketingfreelancer Fri 05-Oct-12 20:23:20

Can you freelance in your job? It's a great option for those who want to spend lots of time at home with kids but also keep toe in water?

If you intend to go back to paid work at some point it depends how much you'll miss by being out for a few years as I guess some careers move at more of a pace than others. it's a tough job market and I personally would be very apprehensive about hiring someone who'd been out of work for several years (for any reason)

Good luck with your choice, I'm sure youll make the right one

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