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3 year old - I feel like I'm the only one

(12 Posts)
MrTumblesCrackWhore Mon 01-Oct-12 13:58:32

Ds has just turned 3 and is the youngest in his class at nursery. He's always been quite challenging but I held onto the hope that all these were just phases. Far from calming down, he seems to be ramping up the problematic behaviour- but more erratically than he did before.

I had issues with him hitting a lot when out at soft play/playdates and crying that things were 'mine' all the time, even when we were in neutral places like the park. The incessant nature of this has relented but has been replaced by very strong likes and dislikes of other children and the hitting is still there, but usually kept for one or two children who he persistently has issues with.

One particular friend's son, in the same nursery class, is in some ways quite similar to him, but a little older, and although he doesn't hit or push as much, he does wind ds up. My friend's ds seems pretty clever and I don't think ds quite gets the 'way' he wants him to play. Ds doesn't have the ability yet to deal with this verbally (even though I coach him about what to say when things are not going his way) and his first reaction is to lash out when the other boy invades his space or says something to him which he doesn't like. Ds is very emotional and dh and I think he is possibly on the normalish end of the spectrum (although the select few people we have shared our thoughts with don't seem to think so)

On the flip side, there are a number of other boys who ds seems to really like and speaks about them favourably, and a lot. He would never hit them I'm convinced. There seems no rhyme nor reason to who he likes or dislikes as he often makes judgements about other children without ever having any real contact with them.

It's not as simple as trying to avoid this boy, he attends the same nursery every day, they live very close, my friend and I have dd2s who enjoy playing together and I do actually want to maintain this friendship.

Are all three year old this weird?

PurplyWurply Mon 01-Oct-12 15:43:07

What does the nursery say? Have they suggested that he is more challenging than usual at that age?

MrTumblesCrackWhore Mon 01-Oct-12 19:24:35

The nursery hasn't said anything at all. My friend and I have quizzed our dss about pushing and hitting - both of them separately say this doesn't happen. My ds always admits when he has done something bad so I genuinely believe him.

As sad as this makes me, I think I'm going to have to give my friend and her ds a wide berth for a while and see if he settles down.

PurplyWurply Mon 01-Oct-12 20:23:47

Could you speak to the nursery and ask them to help your son with strategies to deal with other children? They may be able to help.

Valdeeves Tue 02-Oct-12 02:42:29

I could have written your post - I have a new baby
do behaviour has completely ramped up to a level
I find appalling.
I'm going to ask the HV's to look at him but it'll be difficult
at this point to tell due to all the changes.
I feel the same way about the hitting etc - it quickly begins
to isolate you from the support network you need as
a mum and is a particulary tough nut to crack.
PM as it would be good to have a buddy in the same boat?

MrTumblesCrackWhore Tue 02-Oct-12 14:34:06

Purply He's fine at nursery, so far. I don't want to speak to them about it until something happens there as I don't want them to label him unnecessarily.

Valdeeves I've got to do the nursery pick up in a moment, but yes, deffo PM.

PurplyWurply Tue 02-Oct-12 19:58:09

Ah...sorry, must have misread your OP...I thought with the other boy being in the same nursery class, that it was happening there too. Good that it isn't, though.

Valdeeves Thu 04-Oct-12 06:36:56

I just realised I don't know how to!
How's your last few days gone?

MrTumblesCrackWhore Thu 04-Oct-12 23:26:52

purply no worries.

Thanks for the comments smile

MrTumblesCrackWhore Thu 04-Oct-12 23:27:36

valdeeves I've pm'd you x

Mumfortoddler Fri 05-Oct-12 00:18:39

I could have written this post too...! I'm totally in the same boat. How have you been dealing with him deciding he doesn't like some of the other kids? My DS (same age) started preschool two weeks ago and he has decided he doesnt like any of the other children, but spoke to preschool teacher and they told me he keeps arriving into the middle of groups, taking their toys then hitting them! Eeek. We don't have any playdate friends as have moved around alot, he's been used to being with me all the time, we're just trying to get settled now...x

Valdeeves Fri 05-Oct-12 13:06:43

The moving around makes some a bit aggressive sometimes - I've read that and it happened to us. I wonder if we got all our alpha makes together whether they would be agressive or just absolutely love it!

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