Sorry this is long. I'm frustrated and would really appreciate it if you bore with me and gave me some advice. 
Have namechanged for this, becaue, well...I feel guilty even saying it.
My little DD is 5, lovely, bright, with a beautiful kind heart and so trusting and sweet, but she is obsessed with food. She isnt interested in healthy food,( apart from fruit) and while I dont necessarily think thats unusual for a 5yo, I am concerned with the qauntity she can put away and her behaviour around food. She isnt overweight as such, but she is defintely 'thicker' than her friends for want of a better word, and I am 100 per cent sure that the only reason she isn't fat is because I have (some) control over her eating.
Once a week or so DD will have a little friend over for tea. On those nights we will have pizza and chips, nuggets, fishfingers or whatever ( sometimes homemade, sometimes not). It's a treat, and they will have ice cream or some chocolates afterwards. We usually tend to have another night like this at the weekend as a family. DD has no problems eating at these times and will eat with gusto. In fact, she will always always without fail ask for more. I am often amazed where she puts it and 9 times out of 10 will refuse her more.
Its difficult to just give dd a little treat if a chocolate or a packet of buttons etc, because as soon as she is finished, the inevitable whining for more will start. The treat may have been a reward for getting a certifcate at school or whatever, but this sentiment often gets lost because when she whines at me for more, I end up cross with her.
When she does have a friend over, and they have their treats, DD comes back to me repeatedly for more. Her friends get fuller way before she does and sometimes roll their eyes at how often she will interrupt play to come to ask for more treats. She isn't embarrassed when her friends get exasperated at her. I try not to tell her off in front of them, but the whining can be hard to listen to and I do end up telling her off sometimes when they are there. She doesnt seem fazed and will carry on asking.
Take today for example, DD had her little friend over for a play date. After a pizza tea, they had a little packet of harribo. She asked for a few more jellies and I did let her this time as the harribo packets were mini ones. The friends mum came to collect her child and I made a cuppa with a biscuit for us while the kids played. DD came into the room literally every 2 mintues asking for one of the biscuits. My friend gave her one (!) and still this did not satisfy dd. She came back again and again, hovering by the door and ignoring her friend who wanted to play. This is par for the course - if dd is on a play date, either at our house or her friends, she spends most of it hovering around the kitchen.
DD has taken food from my plate before now, ie, with a cake or something sweet, she had eaten hers quickly and then tried to snatch mine. She would never do this with a regular healthy meal, and in fact, she got in so much trouble for doing it that time, she hasn't repeated it since. She does however have a habit of hovering her hand over the plate of something she wants. She won't actually take it because she knows she would get in trouble, but she wont remove her hand from over the plate until you tell her off. She will ignore you until you raise your voice.
I am also embarrassed to say that she is always the last kid to leave the table at a birthday party. She will just sit there ( even at her own party) munching away and oblivious to the fun going on around her. I always have to remove the food in the end and can feel the other parents looking at dd in wonderment. If we are on holiday with my family and my mum is handing out treats to the grandkids, dd will go back for more and more. Her little cousin once called her greedy and I told him off, but she wasn't fazed and carried onj regardless. I hate the thought of my precious child being labelled like this, but it is greed. I hate that word, but she is a greedy child.
I'll now give you another glimpse of what a regular day is like in our house. ( as opposed to a treat night) DD causes a scene at the table most nights because she doesn't like what I serve. When I say 'scene', she isnt a shouty child or disruptive child, but is a fantastic whiner and will take 30-40 minutes to eat a few mouthfuls, and constantly ( and I mean constantly) negotiate every single mouthful that she has to eat.
To give you an example, mealtimes usually sound like this: can I stop now? how much more of this do I have to eat? if I eat this carrot can I have a yoghurt? can I have another drink cos I dont like this dinner and the drink helps to take the taste away? can I stop? mum can I stop now?....you get the jist!.....Frustrating just isnt the word, and so I get hugely wound up by this and become very shouty because you can't have a conversation about anything else. I can't talk to my DP about his day, or dd about hers, because the meal revolves around how much dd can get away with eating and she wants you to watch how many mouthfuls she eats so that she can eat her 'quota' and then stop. She just hates most of what I put in front of her, wont try new things and even something like a sunday roast will go untouched apart from the yorkshire and roasties. ( she is obsessed with carby foods - breads, chips etc)
So what do I do? How do I get her to A) have a more positive view of regular healthy foods like chicken dinners, fish pies, soups, pasta etc? How do I stop the meal times being so stressful? Every day I promise myself I am not going to engage and simply let her eat it or go hungry - but she sucks you in! Its so hard! More importantly ( and this really is my main concern) How do I get my dd to stop obessing over sugary crappy food? To know when to stop? To stop the incessant begging, regardless of where we are and who sees her?
One thing I know for sure is that once I no longer have control over my dd's eating, she will get fat and I am so worried for her.
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Behaviour/development
DD overeating, don't know what to do
andruafer · 25/09/2012 19:34
Thanks to you alll for your messages.
It has indeed become a war between what DD percieves as healthy and unhealthy food. In fact, she will ask me if any new food I pout in front of her is 'healthy' and if I say that it is...she will pull a face. How on earth do I break this awful mindse that she has about healthy food? You should see the faces she pulls when I insist that she eats the meals I have made - its pure torture for her to swallow it down.
For those who say the begging for sugary crap may be boredom - I'm not sure about this. What about when her friends are actually here (or she is in their houses?) or at a party? She begs constantly for treats when she is playing. She would rather eat than play and that is something that makes me so so MAD ( I know thats irrational, sorry ) . I will have gone to the effort of aranging playdate, planning games,...only for dd to moan the whole time that she wants a cake/biscuit/whatever.
amigababy - so much of what you say resonates with me. I was not a slim child, not fat as such, but I guess a bit like DD. I didn't exactly suffer for it in terms of namecalling or whatever, but I was aware of it, and I certainly remember food being on my mind more than it should have done. With DD, it seems to consume her every thought and I just want to help her break that as humanely as possiible. I do admit to losing my temper sometimes over it all, especially the time she snatched food from my plate, or when she wont get off the food table at her OWN party, therefore ignoring her guests. I have during these times asked her if she realises she is being greedy. I hate this word, and it makes me feel so guilty afterwards that I say that to her - but the softly softly approach bounces right off my child, I can tell you.
I have never once in 5 years bought sugary cereals, so with brealfasts this is one meal I have 'got righht' and DD gives me no trouble over. She has breakfast at her childminders mon-fri now and there are no sugary cereals there except for a friday. i wouildnt even have agreed to this, only my dd complained that other children got it and she would be left out. I do have other issues with my childminders philosophy on quantity though, because she believes that if the food is healthy then there should be no restriction. This means that if my 5yo wants to polish off 3 weetabix and 2 slices of brown toast in the morning, my childminder thinks this is fine, and so does DD. I dont want to get shirty with the CM as she is wonderful, so she I've tried to explain to dd she doesnt need that much, but she says she is hungry;/
For lunch, I pack half a sandwich, some berries, a small yoghurt and a sugar free drink. This is what she has every day, with no sugary items or crisps ever.
Dinner, well thats the other story! To answer the question from gloria - she likes spag bol, cotttage pie ( newly discovered!) chicken and noodles, pasta with (lots of) cheese, salmon and potatoes. Not much else tbh
I will take your advice about the treats in the house. I just wish my dd has some sort of 'measure' - you know? Like her friends seeem to have....and that I could offer her the odd chocolate bar without it becoming a 2 hour whine for more. When I have asked dd why she behaves as she does, she says that food is on her mind all the time. God knows how it ended up this way, I think I have somehow contributed to this and I need to break it because her relationship with food is unhealthy and I actually cant remember a time when it was any different.
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