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can babies just start self settling with maturity or is this how its going to be?

(19 Posts)
lourobert Tue 25-Sep-12 11:39:18

can lo's just develop the ability to self settle as they get older and mature or should i be 'teaching' my 11 week old dd now?

Shes a rubbish daytime napper and needs to be held,rocked,shh'd to sleep and even then you cant put her down or she'll wake. very rarely will she stay asleep for long. I can see shes desperately tired.

I long for the day i can put her down and she'll drift off. Im very tired and emotional today as it feels like this is the way its going to be forever.

Ive just put her down after tihnking she was soundo but her eyes have pinged open and the crying has started. i do use a sling but i would like to teach her to self settle it just seems that though shes way off that yet so is there any point in even trying and getting myself ore worked up and frustrated.

Ive had enough today already and Im bored to hearing about superbabies and supermums!

Thanks all, i feel better already

artifarti Tue 25-Sep-12 11:52:10

Watching with interest and offering sympathies. My DS2 is 6 months old and stopped self-settling at about 4 months. In the last couple of days the only thing that will work is going out with the pram (the sling kills my back now); I can't even feed him back to sleep at night, it is all taking ages. I am torn between doing 'something' or hoping it will resolve itself (think teeth may be something to do with it). I have a vague recollection that DS1 went through a similar phase but it was four years ago so not sure!

Sending brew your way.

DeWe Tue 25-Sep-12 11:57:40

My dd1 was dreadful at sleeping during the day at that age. She started sleeping though 8:30-8:00 at 8 weeks, and started taking about 20 minute nap a day if that. And being dreadfully tired and grotty because she needed to sleep.
She slept better in the buggy though. She did do the eyes pinging open as soon as put down too. So if I held her she'd sleep for a couple of hours. Which was nice, and I did if she really needed her sleep, but a bit frustrating for me. So I continued trying to put her down during the day, and she continued sleeping for short times if that.

What I did was after she'd had a particuarly poor day sleep, I put her down awake at night. She cooed to herself for perhaps 5 minutes, raised a unconvincing cry or two, and then fell asleep. After a few days of this she self settled at night even when it was much longer.

When she got to about 9 months she suddenly started sleeping 3 hours in the afteroon regularly (dropped any morning sleep at the same time). And settling herself down. The only thing was if she'd slept even 5 minutes before this she wouldn't sleep at all. But I think because she'd got used to settling herself at night, the daytime came without any stress.

Potol Tue 25-Sep-12 11:59:16

The no cry sleep solution has lots of good ideas. I know it feels like forever, but 11 weeks is very young. And at that age they usually want to sleep on you. If you do start teaching him good sleep habits- how to go back to sleep, distinguishing between day and night, and getting a vague nap routine going, things will fall into place. My sympathies though- sleep deprivation makes me a monster.

lourobert Tue 25-Sep-12 11:59:35

my other is 6 ad I have no recollection. ironically getting her down at night isnt too bad but settling after night feed can be difficult but not like the daytime. That is some comfort.

Just feels like I spend large chunks of day trying to get her to sleep with no real success.

Like you im torn as to what to do for the best as all 'experts' conflict anf whatever you do their will be a book somehwere supporting your way of doing things.

shes just had her feed so a 3 mintute window to put the kettle on. thankyou

RugBugs Tue 25-Sep-12 12:02:38

My DD was the same, she wouldn't stay asleep anywhere else than in my arms.
I'm afraid I just resigned myself to having little sleep/bugger all life off the sofa until we did a few nights of controlled crying at six months.
She sleeps beautifully now - it took longer to get her to nap in her bed, probably up to about 18 months she'd still sleep on my lap, I kind of miss those cuddles now!

lourobert Tue 25-Sep-12 12:16:02

Ive bought the no cry sleep solution and is on table for when I get a moment! She seems to be ok with the night/day difference as is pretty much angelic at night. I know 11 weeks is stil young but I didnt know if I was making a rod for my own back even though I just have to do whatever gets me through the day right now. Im hoping with age she wil settle even if just a little!!?

Thanks dewe thats reassuring. tired today so all rational thiking has goe out the window smile

lourobert Tue 25-Sep-12 12:29:43

thanks rugbugs smile

Bundlejoycosysweet Tue 25-Sep-12 12:38:58

All three of mine needed variants of pushing in buggy, sling, rocking etc to get to sleep up until about they were 5 mo and then they all just suddenly clicked with being put in the cot for daytime naps, it's like they suddenly found the rocking etc too stimulating and actually just needed to be left to settle themselves.


lourobert Tue 25-Sep-12 12:48:01

that does help bundle,thankyou.

DeeBeee Tue 25-Sep-12 14:37:03

DS was exactly like that. Getting him to nap in the day involved continuous movement - pram/sling/rocking, if I stopped he woke up. At night we'd rock to sleep and he's wake every couple of hours wanting the same. I think I spent the first 3 months just trying to get him to sleep.

At 3 months DH started teaching him to self settle at night - shush/pat and pick-up/put down. Very slowly and gently. Initially it was a complete nightmare but we persevered and by now (5.5 months) we put him down, he grizzles for a few minutes and is alseep.

Daytime naps were harder - I used to rock to sleep in the pram until he reached 5 months. Then I started putting in cot, and within 2 weeks he's now just grizzling for a few mins and then asleep.

The main reason we tackled his sleep is that he'd wake frequently at night and need to be rocked to sleep, it got to the point where he wanted it every sleep cycle transition.

We've also found pre-sleep routine to be key. We do EXACTLY the same things before bed each night (bath, feed in dark roon with same lullabies playing each night) and exactly the same pre-nap routine (say goodbye Mr sunshine very loudly as I draw curtains, put in sleeping bag, sing 3 lullabies while I hold him, cot).

Good luck, I really sympathise, for a long time I thought self-settling is something DS will never learn

SamraLee Tue 25-Sep-12 15:17:26

My daughter is 11 weeks old and asleep on my chest right now. During the day she'll sleep for 2-4 hours, but only if she sleeps on me, so I just let her. Her getting sleep is more important than me trying to get things done, in my opinion. I'm just grateful she sleeps so well during the night so I don't have my complaints about the daytime. I, too, have been wondering when my daughter will be able to be put down for her naps. Here's hoping the day will come soon for us both. Hope it helps to know that you aren't the only one!

GailTheGoldfish Tue 25-Sep-12 22:12:13

My DD is 9weeks and sleeps much better in the day if we go out in the pram or car, if we're at home she tends to catnap rather than have a good block of sleep. But I can always get her to sleep if she's lying down with me and if she really needs it I put her on the bed and feed her lying down and then we nap together (obviously making sure she is safe and covers/pillows etc are away from her). Can you do this? No cry Sleep Solution is a lovey book btw. From what I understand everything goes tits up at four months anyway sleep wise so I'm not worrying too much about anything that could constitute the rod/back scenario and rather making sure that while she is so tiny still both she and I are getting enough sleep however it happens. Everyone tells me that no phase lasts for long while they're this little so am sure something will change soon for you.

DelhiCalling Wed 26-Sep-12 13:29:08

I never did any sleep training with my now 10mo. I bf, rocked, cuddled and sang to him and sometimes took him in the pram for naps. He has gone through phases of easy self settling, which he learned himself, and phases of needing lots of help to sleep, probably due to teething, having a cold, separation anxiety etc.

I don't believe in sleep training, go with your instincts and cuddle

Mrscalminmadworld Wed 26-Sep-12 16:08:25

My DS was the same at that age, only catnapped and would get himself in such a tizz as he was tired I would seemingly spend an hour rocking him off to sleep for a 20 min respite! It was altogether extremely shattering and you have my sympathies!
From about 6 months though things suddenly improved, I had battled to get him to nap in the cot and hadn't given in too often to the buggy/car and finally he seemed to lie down and settle himself off. This was helped by sucking his thumb and finding a cuddly he really likes.
I think what I'm getting at is it will not be forever, babies and toddlers do find a routine eventually with some guidance and persuasion from you. The important thing is that she gets enough sleep at night and feels safe and secure.
Oh and it's worth noting that my DS naps very well in a cot but although he nods off quickly in a car/buggy is ALWAYS awake after 20-30 mins (less if I turn the engine off). They are all different!
Hope you find a rhythm soon, try and enjoy the cuddles while she still wants them x

mummytime Wed 26-Sep-12 16:15:34

Okay lets be logical, is your child still going to be nursed, cuddled, sung to sleep when they are 18 years old? No? So at sometime they will sort it out.

My rule of thumb is do whatever works best for baby and parents. If you can't stand settling them etc. to sleep; or you suspect you settling proceedures are actually keeping them awake, then investigate methods to get them to settle.

blushingmare Wed 26-Sep-12 21:06:26

My dd is 15 weeks and sounds very similar. Terrible daytime napper (if not on me) and simply can't self settle. I've decided to use a combined approach - for her long middle of the day nap she sleeps in the sling and does a good couple of hours and her late afternoon nap she takes whilst being pushed in the pram. But I try to get her to take her first morning nap in her crib, which involves me kneeling beside the crib, rocking it and stroking her head with my other hand on her chest and sshing her. Similarly at night I get her to settle down in her crib with lots of help from me at 7 and again after her first night waking if I can, but her next night waking I bring her in with me and she spends the last 3 or 4 hours of the night cosleeping. I find this means I don't feel like all I ever do is try settling her and I feel it's more important that she gets decent sleep than spends hours settling over the course of a day. But having some time sleeping in her crib and being settled by me makes me feel like there's some hope she will do it herself eventually! As others have said, they change so quickly and their sleep is affected by so many other things that I can't be bothered to put in all that work to "train" her, only for it to change again the next week. Good luck with your's!

Mich100 Wed 26-Sep-12 21:12:46

Mine was a proper fusspot right until he was about 8 1/2 months old. Tried CIO etc. nothing worked. Suddenly he just did it. He has done ever since and he's almost 1 now. I think it just happened to be the right time for him. He was ready. Cue good nights sleep now. Even during his cutting four teeth at once stage. It will get better. I promise grin

LadyWidmerpool Wed 26-Sep-12 21:28:13

I think it's the luck of the draw! Life is easier if you can adjust your expectations and roll with it as much as possible. Rubs eyes

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