My 5 year old sounds depressed :((9 Posts)
He started school about 5 weeks ago. He's very tired and hyper, and can be emotional/weepy when he's overwrought. But he's been talking about a "sad feeling" a lot.
Tonight he was crying about something trivial (time to get out of the bath or something) and I gave him a cuddle and he said the sad feeling is there every day from the start of the day and he doesn't know how to make it go away.
He "isn't a big fan" of school when I ask him what he thinks about it, but has never shown any unwillingness about going. I can't get it out of him if there's any problem with another child, a teacher or the childminder. I haven't asked overtly but tried to ask open questions to see if he'll spill a little information. He says he wishes the days weren't always so busy.
Home life is hard for the DC because DH works weird shifts so often is away for bedtime/breakfast/after school etc and it's tough for them not knowing what's happening next. I work around DH's shifts so am also working irregular hours, and they go to a CM once or twice a week (they love it here but it is busy).
I know school is tough to adapt and i was expecting poor behaviour and tiredness, but this sad feeling is worrying me. Is it normal?
'Sad' is probably just a word more than a feeling. At 5 it's hard to for them to put their feelings into words. Starting school is a massive thing for some children. Some breeze through it, some don't. 2 of mine breezed, 2 didn't. I think your lo will be fine in time, but his days will be jam packed with school, then added with the insecurity of knowing his daily routine (where he is etc) may just make him feel a bit worse. He'll probably settle given time, and may not be quite as 'sad' as you think.
I've recently given up work and my boys love having me at home as financially it was hardly worht it. I think they really missed quiet time at home, just chilling, not doing anything organised. The security of being at home with a parent (without the rushing in and out the door).
However I've just applied to a job, which I think I could be suited to, so I may not be home for long. If I get the job it will be good and bad.
At any rate maybe he is just craving calm and secure family time. I know all the coming and going exhaust my two, and ultimately can make them sad.
Sorry didn't make sense. I meant I gave up work as it wasn't financially worhtwhile, and now I am home my boys love it.
Hmmm, yes. There isn't much calm family time. DH and I are both happier and calmer when we exercise so one of us is often disappearing off on a bike or something too. But I am a horror if I'm tired. Really ratty and impatient with poor DS.
Thanks for the thoughts. Unfortunately throughout the October holidays I am working a lot, but perhaps I'll make an effort to factor in some chilled out time. I hate seeing him sitting with glazed eyes in front of the TV but maybe we need some of that laziness.
Dd is much more settled now I am on mat leave and we are at home much more. She seems to absolutely need her tv time where she often just sits quietly with cbeebies. She also likes to porter about on her own in her playroom for a while.
I always want to pack life with as much as I can but I am nearly due and v tires so we have lazed at home quite a bit - dd is so calm and relaxed I think it's both me being at home and the pace of life slowing down
Children often reflect the mood of the parent. I noticed my dd seemed down recently too. I was also feeling down. Now I have cheered up (not sure why!) so has she, enormously.
It sounds like you are stressed. I agree about tv.... There are lots of other ways of relaxing though...
Lego, doll house or toy farm. If you enjoy exercise, can you do some yoga at home, or aerobics? You ds will be interested to see how you relax, and might want to join in.
Hope he feels better soon
We absolutely can't afford not to work, and DH has not got the option of not working shifts.
I'd love to be at home for him more. But he's pretty lazy and would stare at a screen all day. I so want him to have the energy to do something fun and active because I think it would be good for his mood and energy levels would improve too. But he's not interested, just wants to veg out.
Maybe I'm expecting too much, but nothing seems to make him happy. The sad feeling was the first thing he spoke about this morning
It sounds like you need to motivate him. But first, get yourself motivated and happy and jolly. Get some games out, say ooh lets play this... then just play! Even if he doesn't join in at first, he soon will when he sees you happily playing. He doesn't need you there 24/7 to make him happy. He just needs to feel secure and know where he is. When you are there, do things together!
Reading between the lines it sounds as though you are the unhappy one, stuck in a rut, not sure where to turn or what to do ... If you be happy, ds will be happy.
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