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Young girls - mastubartion and strange/rude dance moves...

(18 Posts)
EnglishNotMy1stLanguage Mon 24-Sep-12 00:09:35

My daughter (5) went to a play date the other day in her friend's house (3 weeks younger). They stayed up stairs playing unsupervised all the time because that is the way my friend likes it. When was time to go home I went upstairs to help tidy up and convince daughter to come home when I saw they playing 'ballet dance' which consisted of the other girl holding her crouch area like a man and doing dancing movements and I'm ashamed to admit my daughter was slapping her own bottom and dancing at the same time (she used do this a lot, do less now and we always tell her to stop). Anyway I was disturbed by this dancing and it reminded me how last year when they both were 4, the girl came to sleep over and while they were plying I overheard the girl asking my daughter if she liked to touch herself down there inside the knickers which my daughter replied 'let's do some colouring' or something like that. Is this normal behaviour for this age?

LadySybildeChocolate Mon 24-Sep-12 00:11:11

Sounds like they've been watching far too much MTV sad The comments sound very worrying though. It's not normal for this age, no.

EnglishNotMy1stLanguage Mon 24-Sep-12 00:33:50

No MTV or any other music clip channels in my house and no TV allowed at all in the other girl's house, not even Cbbs..

EnglishNotMy1stLanguage Mon 24-Sep-12 00:35:21

Is the slapping the bum thing also not normal? She does it joking also when not dancing but not sure where she learnt it from...

EnglishNotMy1stLanguage Mon 24-Sep-12 00:37:41

I haven't said anything to the girl's mum in any of the occasions, should I have a chat with her ?

LadySybildeChocolate Mon 24-Sep-12 09:58:49

I'd contact the NSPCC and ask for advice to be honest. The comments may be curiosity, or may be something which needs looking into further. sad

BonnieBumble Mon 24-Sep-12 10:05:15

Is it really not normal?

Ds1 never went through this stage but at the age of 3 or 4 all his friends did (both boys and girls). I didn't like it and I had a chat with ds about his genitals being private etc and I closely supervised his play. However because it seemed that nearly all the children were like this I didn't suspect anything sinister.

Years ago my friend sought advice from her hv because her 3 old dd was touching her genitals a lot and telling everyone about it. The HV said it was normal but advised her to have a word about genitals being private.

scaevola Mon 24-Sep-12 10:08:52

They'll have picked it up in the playground, and it's pretty normal (it's copying with no comprehension of the sexual overtones).

But I don't know what to make of the touching comment. It could be innocent because she has just happened to find that something feels nice. It could be a red flag. Did you talk to her mother back when it happened?

LadySybildeChocolate Mon 24-Sep-12 10:11:37

The dancing is normal, if you watch the videos on MTV most of the singers do this hmm The fact that the OP's DD didn't answer and changed the subject does indicate that it's not the normal children's conversation.

booge Mon 24-Sep-12 10:14:40

I don't think you should be worried, it doesn't sound unusual. DD thinks slapping her own bottom is hysterically funny and is constantly wiggling it. I think it is innocent and she makes me laugh too. As for the touching, perfectly normal, I remember my DM telling me off for it as a child and I think that just makes it into something shameful which is not a healthy feeling. Just worth mentioning that it is something to only do in private.

crazygracieuk Mon 24-Sep-12 10:14:59

Lots of toddlers/pre-schoolers masturbate but seem to get through the stage by having carers nag them to get their hands out of their pants and/or to do it in private.

My children have been in "show me yours and I'll show you mine" situation at your dd's age but need reminding not to do it because genitals are private etc.

If the girls don't watch TV then have they picked the moves up at school/nursery from other children who do watch tv? You don't need to watch MTV to see bum slapping and crotch grabbing - "family" shows like X Factor and Britain's Got Talent often go into that territory and bum slapping in kid's programmes is sometimes done in a ner ner ner ner ner way.
It's hard to say whether or not you should be worried. Does the girl have an older sibling or hang out with older children regularly? I ask because my youngest is much more street wise than his older brother at the same age as he naturally picks up on what older kids say and do.

crazygracieuk Mon 24-Sep-12 10:18:49

I think that masturbating in school age kids is normal but talking about it to friends is not the normal bit. If I'd overheard then Ai would have told the girl that it was her private business and if she wanted to talk about it then to talk to her mum.

Zimbah Mon 24-Sep-12 10:47:07

It sounds quite normal to me, toddlers/young children like to put their hands in their knickers, and it's only through being told by parents to do it in private that they learn not to. The little girl probably just needs a reminder (if it happens again) to do that in private, and that other people's bodies are private to them.

EnglishNotMy1stLanguage Mon 24-Sep-12 11:23:23

No, I didn't mention anything to the other mum as I was embarassed myself when I overheard what the girl said and I didn't know wether it was normail or not...I don't see them very often these days as they are going to different schools so I just left it. The girl is the oldest sibiling, she used to have a carer with a daughter nearly one year older and she has an older cousin who is also roughly one year older too.

My daughter never asked about anything of sexual nature, not even is curious about babies. She went through a fase when she was 3, she wanted to hae a dingling thing like dad, and she asked me the other day why men have dingling things and women doesn't, but this is it. I never caught her masturbating yet.

daytoday Mon 24-Sep-12 11:37:11

Sounds normal to me. Slapping of bum whilst dancing very normal.

Enjoying touching yourself - just sounds like an honest comment. They are kids after all. I would talk to the other mum about it though, as it sounds like she needs a chat with her daughter about privacy etc.

To be honest, my son knew the biological facts of life at 5 because he was interested. Just curious about the biology.

My young daughter has no idea and no interest in sex as a biological function - but would do the dancing thing. She just makes moves up as she goes along. She is as innocent as they come. No MTV or any silly magazines in our house. But bums are hilarious.

EnglishNotMy1stLanguage Mon 24-Sep-12 11:46:18

Well before the mastubarting talk I saw her mum telling her of for 'touching' than mum told me girl probably had an infection or something because she was touching a lot, I didn't ask any further ot wether the girl was going to doctors or anything and tbh I thought she mentioned 'infection' just no to mention masturbation

Bongaloo Mon 24-Sep-12 12:03:37

I hate the way those x-factor/mtv/girl band dance moves have crept into children's innocent dancing play.

digerd Mon 24-Sep-12 12:30:57

This is a very tricky subject, as I remember being told off for touching with a disgusted tone of voice from my mother, and my sister, was always trying to get me into trouble by telling mum that I was tickling my wee wee again!!!! I remember many girls in lower junior school who enjoyed doing it too. But when my 3 year-old daughter asked me to touch her there, I was so shocked, but did not want to tell her it was "dirty" , and managed to say, that that was for her husband to do when she was much older and that mother's don't do that. It was so embarrassing and couldn't change the subject quick enough !!! I know of a woman who had 5 daughters, and ( do not know how old they were, but think early teens) who told them if they got that lovely "itch", then they didn't need to have sex with a man, and told them how they could release the itch much better by themselves. They did all marry later., and have children. Wise and very brave mother

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