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AP 4yo distraught at going to school

(3 Posts)
monkeysmama Sun 23-Sep-12 08:43:45

My dd is 4.4yo. She's a happy, bright, confident child. She started nursery a year ago and went 2 days a week. She left at the end of August and started reception last week. And what a nightmare week it was. 

She went in ok on the first day but she's been so upset since. We had problems at nursery drop off in the beginning so we found a place to say goodbye and then a teacher would take her in to wave to me. This worked. I asked the school to try it on Wednesday and it worked (she was crying but went in) but on Thursday she woke up tired and it went downhill from there. She woke up saying she didn't want to go but we had a nice breakfast and she got ready. I let her watch a tv programme before we left and when it finished she got very upset (as in hysterical) wanting another. In the end I had to carry her to school screaming. When we arrived (it's two mins walk away) she was so distressed she was screaming, clawing at me not to go. I stayed with her outside for 15 minutes trying to calm her down. It eventually worked enough for a teacher to take her in and at the end of the day she was fine. She doesn't like lunchtime in the big hall. It is too noisy and she's not sure of what she needs to do to get her lunch. I am resolving that by giving her packed lunch like her friends from now on. 

Friday was a training day so she was off with me. This weekend she has asked frequently how many days of weekend she has left. I feel so sad for her and don't know what to do. She's been hitting, spitting and screaming this weekend which is astonishing compared to her usual behaviour. 

Relevant information is that we have a 2mo. None of the anger has been directed to the baby. I can tell my dd is feeling insecure, afraid, excited. I am losing sleep over how to support her and make sure we don't have a repeat of Thursday. Ever. 

DeWe Sun 23-Sep-12 19:47:42

Suggestions that may or may not work:
(seeing as no one else has replied)
1. Find a friend to go in with her-perhaps an older child if she doesn't know any one from her own form.
2. Arrive at school early and see if the teacher will let her in and settled before the other children arrive
3. Ask for an older buddy who will take her in and look after her at lunch time
4. Give her something she can keep in her pocket to comfort her. Could be a tiny toy, or something of yours.
5. Sticker chart. If she goes in when she arrives without difficulty then she gets a sticker, 5 stickers= a treat
6. Walk her in, put her down and leave straight away (difficult to do, wouldn't do it myself, but it might work in some cases)
7. Ask her to make something for you at school (eg do some colouring to show granny/next door neighbour etc.)
8. Have something you will do after school if she goes in nicely (eg park)
9. See if she can have a "special job" that she does at school first thing-then (hopefully!) she's keen to get in to do it before anyone else
10. She might go in better with someone else.
11. Would she scoot/bike to school?

If she's still upset this week, then try talking to the teacher about ideas she has. See if she can talk about things that worry her. Obviously the lunch time-worth telling the teacher that. Maybe other things are bothering her as well.

Hope it goes better this week.

mumblecrumble Sun 23-Sep-12 21:01:10

Gosh, that sounds so hard and very sad.

Keep talking to school as they will not want her to be unhappy wither. Would you be able to spend some time in school with her?

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