10 month old seperation anxiety

[CurlyBoo]

My DD is just over 10 months and has recently been under the weather with an ear and throat infection and is slowly starting to get better but since she got ill seperation anxiety has kicked in massively, she isn't even happy with my DH which is horrible for him too. She used to sleep uninterrupted for 11 / 12 hours a night and would go to sleep without a squeak but is now waking 4 or 5 times a night and crying her little eyes out at bedtime it is breaking my heart. What isn't helping is that I am exhausted and have had flu for 2 weeks that I can't shift as I'm so tired. I was expecting this seperation anxiety to kick in and typically it is just before I am due to go back to work part time and she is being enrolled in a nursery. But does anyone have any advice on how to deal with it? Should I give in and not let her out of my sight - ie do bath time each night which used to be DHs job but now she cries until I come in, and fit in her room until she falls asleep or should I carry on as before and hope she soon adjusts and realises I can't be there 24/7? I am so run down and exhausted!

[Iggly]

I'd give her the reassurance she needs. Cuddles, cuddles cuddles. That way she learns that you're there for her and she'll relax. Bear in mind some of it will be her getting over her illness too.

[ButtonBoo]

Sympathies here from a fellow sufferer

DD is 11mo and has a rotten cold and some more top teeth coming through. She'd normally sleep 7-5:30 which was fine with me as I went back to work last month and need her up by 6am so I can bf before I set off for work. But...she's been waking up a few times in the evening and then 1-2 times between 11 and 5:30 and is inconsolable. I often resort to putting her in bed with us or sitting next to her cot until she settles. But my word, it's hard! I thought we'd got past all this months ago. I'd forgotten how tough it is getting up so many times a night!!!

On top of that she really won't let me out of her sight. I adore her and she really is normally such a chilled out, good natured little girl but I'm finding myself getting really irritable through lack of sleep and not being able to pee on my own without the desperate crying. I have to keep reminding myself that she's poorly and reciting that MN mantra...'it will pass'

Hang in there OP. Hope tonight's an easy one for you. And if not you can think about us and remember that in all probability we're up doing the exact same thing!!

[kittyandthegoldenfontanelles]

I was just about to post a similar query (and may well still) about my ten month old.. Her sleeping is getting worse. She hasn't been ill although I have and still am so I'm feeling ill equipped to deal with this. We are still up now and both are exhausted. She feeds to sleep but when I put her down she wakes and screams and cries and is inconsolable. We've done this 5 times since midnight after waking every hour from 8.30. This is a new thing, she used to sleep through, then started getting broken sleep then this. Could it be separation anxiety? My health visitor said it is because I feed her to sleep.

[kittyandthegoldenfontanelles]

Was awake till 4.30 last night then awake again at 5.30. The same thing is happening tonight. So if it is separation anxiety, how do I help her? Any suggestions? Will it really pass without any intervention?

[ButtonBoo]

Oh dear Kitty!!!
when it's been like this with my DD she's come into our bed and DP gets relegated to the sofa. Not ideal but shes always gone back to her cot quite easily after a week or so. Its normally when shes ill for us.
That is just way too little sleep for both of you. Desperate times...

[LouBeee]

My DS was exactly like this at 10 months, just as he went to nursery for a few mornings as well. He's now 12.5 months and it has really eased up over the last 1-2 weeks. It's hideous I know but it doesn't last forever.

[crazyhead]

My 10m boy is like this too, and if I leave him for one second, he does the most destructive thing he can while crying - swiping at anything he can get anywhere near to on the shelves, climbing the sofa onto the window sill, just caught him pulling up the carpet and underlay to get at the spiky bits they lay it on with. Exhausting, isn't it? We are having major life stresses at the moment and I just want five minutes to myself sometimes.

[kittyandthegoldenfontanelles]

Really? Phew, that's so good to hear! I have to go into work this Friday although I'm still on mat leave. I'm so worried that we won't have slept. We used to do the co-sleeping thing too when needed but these days she moves around so much in her sleep I'm worried she could fall off the bed. My husband has rearranged the bedroom so the bed (all 200kgof solid oak!) is against the wall. Will try that tonight. Thank you buttonboo and Loubeee. Good luck to everyone for tonight. Hope its a calm one.

[kittyandthegoldenfontanelles]

Oh, she slept for three hours this afternoon so I'm not hopeful! Has been asleep since 9 so far.

Curly, how is your little one now?

Crazy head, that sounds very stressful. I'm sorry.

[ButtonBoo]

Hope you had a good night Kitty? Sometimes the better they sleep during the day, the better they sleep at night. My DD is always like this. Trouble is DP has her 2 days a week (he's waiting to start a new job) and isn't good at getting her to nap so on those nights she's up a lot :-(
Last night DD slept from 7:30 through to 11:00 and then was having none of it. She came in with me and DP was sent down to the sofa...again. She's still snotty and grouchy so I'll wait another few days before I persevere and set up 'base camp' next to her cot!

[silverangel]

DTs had massive SA from about 10 months to 12. We used a homeopathic remedy called Pulsatilla which did seem to lessen the severity of it (or they judt liked the little pillues!). Either way, it does pass, but sympathies while its ongoing.

[kittyandthegoldenfontanelles]

Morning button. Thank you for asking. She was awake from 12.00-2.00 but then slept till just before 6 then from 6.10-8.30 so a brilliant night by comparison. I'm sorry your night was less restful. Poor baby button

[felixfelicis1]

I'm a sufferer of this too. Haven't read all the posts but just wanted to say my opinion is to keep at it with trying to involve DH (sure other people will have said this) and try not to give in too much to it when you can (although sometimes they just need a million cuddles!). It will pass!

[kittyandthegoldenfontanelles]

Sorry you are suffering too, Felix. What do you mean by don't give in? I can't let her cry I just can't do it

Any tips?

[felixfelicis1]

I do let my DS cry (which is unbearable I know and definitely not for everyone).


I have pulled through it nighttime wise with my DS by being really strict (what a mean sounding word!) (totally understand that you don't want to do it like that) so don't think I can offer up much advice. But all I can say is that it took a few nights of hell but that was it and I think he is so much happier for it. By not giving in I just meant any opportunity where you can not pick her straight up (like if she is just grizzling or fussing rather than hysterical) then try and take out (although I know more often than not it escalates really quickly). Kitty have you tried doing pick up and put down method? Also have you had a look at what your daily routine is like to make sure she's getting enough to eat etc etc in the day?

In the day I really do think the only answer is to try and get her to be with as many other people as possible while you are there. (I know that's an obvious one). And she will get over it of course. But don't let going back to work stress you out. I have so many friends who sent their children to nursery etc and the child spent the first five minutes (sometimes even less) really upset and then immediately forgot all about it. A friend of mine's daughter does this every morning (been at nursery for a week or two) but has a really happy day and is always full of smiles when she goes to pick her up.

[kittyandthegoldenfontanelles]

Thanks for getting back to me, Felix.

I'm afraid I wasn't clear above; I've resigned my post in order to stay at home with her and hopefully subsequent children but I need to go into work once it twice to close things down and handover, so to speak.

Re: pick up out down, I think that will be our next step. I think my husband needs to take a few days off work though because I think it will be a noisy couple of nights!

Good point about food but I'm sure she is eating plenty. We have followed a baby led approach and she justs eats and eats! She's a dinky little thing but has a massive appetite. Still breastfed too. It's worth keeping in mind though. Thank you for the ideas.

[Iggly]

Honestly it's justa phase. No need to teach baby by letting them cry. Just prolongs it all. I cuddled ds, he's happy and confident. Dd is coming up to 10 months, I'm about to go back to work and will be cuddling if necessary.

[kittyandthegoldenfontanelles]

Hi iggly. So they will learn to self settle without any sleep training? Everyone in real life are telling me I need to 'sort' this.

[Iggly]

You need to give them a chance to self settle. So if rocking or feeding doesn't work, put them down and stroke their backs or pat them. Or put them down drowsy and settle in the cot then work backwards from there. Or let them get on with it while you porter around in the room so they know you're there (picking them up if they get upset). That's how I did it with ds (and now with dd) after tearing my hair out thinking I was failing, tried pick up put down but didn't work and wouldn't do CC (both of my babies have reflux so sleep training isn't recommended for them anyway).

[kittyandthegoldenfontanelles]

Thanks iggly. That's what I'm doing at the moment. I nurse her to sleep at first then do a combination when she wakes through the night. I'm glad to hear that worked for you because I'm being made to feel it won't be successful and that I should do something else. family ans friends are telling me I need to be 'breaking' her !