DS is 13, DD is 11 and they have a younger brother who's 6. DD (middle child) has bullied her older brother on and off for several years, yes, years, and I just don't know how to make it stop.
She is never kind to him and she speaks to him like dirt from morning until night. He will come down in the morning, bright new day, and say "Morning Sis!". She will either ignore him, grunt, or throw him a disgusted look. She calls him fat, stupid, she scoffs at everything he says and everything he does. He either ignores or resorts to shouting and occasionally lashes out, usually hair-pulling, and is pretty much instantly remorseful.
We've tried everything. Ignoring bad behaviour, rewarding good, punishments (withdrawal of privileges, sending to her room) and everything we do seems to make her more resentful of him and to hate him more. We live in a very small house and it's hard to keep them physically apart, which wouldn't be dealing with the problem anyway. I've tried saying she doesn't have to like him but we expect certain standards of behaviour, but she is utterly intransigent. She has never, ever shown any sign of regret or remorse.
He is puzzled, bewildered and his self-esteem is dented, to say the least.
They are very different characters.He is kind, stoic, considerate, a deep-thinker, totally un-sporty and a self-confessed nerd with a profound sense of fairness. She is very competitive, quick-witted, grabs life with both hands and can be very caring and loving. She has to win, be the first, the best, and often succeeds! I think part of it is that she cannot stand the fact that he is the eldest and gets to do/learn everything before her, but she has a plethora of experiences (not to mention certificates) that are unique to her.
Their younger brother is pretty much adored by all, particularly his sister which adds to the hurt for her older brother.
One of my children is suffering, another of my children is the cause, I love them equally and I don't know what to do.
I'd particularly love to speak with anyone who's been through similar? Maybe there are books that could help?
I really do have to do some work now. Back later, and thanks
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Behaviour/development
DD bullying DS for faaaaar too long. It needs to stop now but I don't know how.
58 replies
FredWorms · 13/09/2012 11:38
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