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VERY clinggy baby.

(5 Posts)
saintshar Fri 05-Dec-03 11:45:43

My DS2 who is 20 months, is very clinggy. I know a lot of children are like this, my DS1 went through spells of this, but with DS2, it has not been spells, it is constant.
I think what helped with DS1 was i went back to work when he was 7 months old, but i only work a few hours a week now, when DS's are in bed.
I really need some advice. It is lovely that we have such a strong relationship, but i can't do ANYTHING. He wont go to anyone for even one second, so i find i am the master of doing all kinds of things with one hand, and a baby on my hip.
He is just getting over the flu, so i couldn't put him down for a second, and at the same time, we have just moved house. I don't know how i did it. No one could mind him for me while we moved, because he just wont go to anyone.
Anyone got any ideas to help? My Mum says if i leave him crying, it will affect him later down the line, my Dad says he is too soft, and i should sort it out because it is getting beyond a joke. I want to sort it out, but how without making him too distressed?

LIZS Fri 05-Dec-03 12:06:51

How long has he been like this ? dd was clingy from about 5 months and is still a bit at 29 months . She will now happily stay at one playgroup but not another nor with a baby sitter.

Could you enlist your parents help ? Mine live a long way away so couldn't offer the support to help her get over it. If you could leave him with them for a brief period to start with ( but long enough that he has got over the inital crying etc and is settling ) then you could gradually increase his confidence that you will return. You would need to give them clear instructions as to what you expect so that if he is really upset they will call you back. Gradually extend the period you leave him for. Then you can eventually apply the same criteria to a babysitter.

I think it helped that I had to leave dd 4 times in one week for varying spells (once also with her elder brother) and in different locations so that she quickly got used to the pattern. But we still have a way to go yet.

Good luck

futurity Fri 05-Dec-03 12:32:58

My DS is 22 months and is the same. When we go to playgroup all his friends wander around the hall by themselves where as I get dragged around my little finger! If he loses sight of me for a second the face turns to panic and he screams the place down. He is due to start nursery for two mornings a week in January and I know it is going to take many weeks of him getting used to it and leaving him a bit longer each time. I am the same though..wanting to help him through it without upsetting him.

Evita Fri 05-Dec-03 17:24:23

My daughter (13 months) isn't clingy in the sense that she likes being held or cuddled (she wriggles like mad if I do that!) but she does need to keep me within eyesight and even though can walk perfectly well would always prefer to do it holding onto my or her dad's finger. My back's been suffering for months. I've noticed too that when I take her to a playgroup she doesn't stray far away like the other kids do though she will wander off a little bit. I think my going back to work 2 days a week has helped because even though she's with her dad it's eased the full intensity of her clinginess. Your little boy will get over it I'm sure. What happens if you leave him in the company of someone else and actually physically leave the room? I've heard that when mom's there they home in but if she's gone they adjust even if it is after a bit of weeping.

charlieplus3 Wed 07-Jan-04 21:09:42

hiya, im new to this so bear with me. My dd is 19 months and i havnt and cant leave her anywhere. Tried works creche but she screamed for the whole two hours after a month i gave up as too upsetting for us both. I am going to try a nursery when shes two, a smaller, homely one, just to help build her confidence away from me. I have the same problems at mother and toddler groups as in she wont let me out of her site. Will nursery affect her or help her? I have a new baby too and i am giving him to anyone who wants to hold him as i cant do another two years of this.

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