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Bored Boy?

(13 Posts)
WedgiesMum Thu 04-Dec-03 12:37:08

Sorry it's me again about DS. Not sure if I'm just over obssessed with what is going on because he is my first born or not....

DS has three more weeks at Nursery (half day Wed, Full days Thur and Fri), and starts school in January. He is COMPLETELY miserable about being there. He is the oldest, the biggest, the brightest there and in a group where there are a lot of just three year olds (as in they've only just turned three). At home he is lovely, well behaved (as much as any 4.5 year old can be), responsive, chatty, bright, interested, concentrates well etc etc. As soon as he walks through the door he changes, he's surly, rude, upset about me leaving, patronising to the littlies and has started throwing things. He threw a table last week (though how nursery let him get that far is beyond me), although it was whilst they were 'containing' him in the play room and had let the others be outside. And he gets really angry quite easily there, which winds him up and I can see him winding down at the weekend, it too until Saturday teatime for him to be 'normal' again this week . And he keeps saying he doesn't want to be there. Is this bored behaviour or a symptom of something else????

I think he is anxious about starting school - he's a boy who loves his routine and doesn't know what to expect i think. We are going for a half day session next week to help him out. I have given him a chart with the days to go until he leaves nursery marked on it, and promised that he can go and see Santa on Sunday if he is good today and tomorrow, which he is excited about and has agreed to at home, but it just goes out of his head at nursery. I'm letting him have breakfast with me at home, playing for half an hour and going to nursery late and picking them up early (I also have a DD who is younger).

I know there are only 8 more days to go, but it breaks my heart to see him like this, and nursery have suggested that he might need 'professional help' whatever that means, and they make me feel like it's all my fault. We've been to the Dr's who feel that it's a nursery issue as he is so good at home, but we've also had a blood test as he is so so so pale at the moment (well White actually and very red eyed too).

Has anyone else been in this situation?? Is there anything else anyone can suggest that I can try. Sorry to go on about this but I'm now sat at work bawling because I'm feeling like the worst kind of parent and I'm at a loss as to what to suggest at nursery.

Jimjams Thu 04-Dec-03 13:37:51

Has he ever enjoyed this nursery? And why were they trying to "contain" him? IMO it is a disaster to keep young children inside if they have been misbehaving- they need to get outside to run around and let off steam?

What did they mean by professional help? Ask them for more details.

I wouldn't worry too much about nursery as he's almost finshed there- I think you need to concentrate on how he will cope at school (and build up a good rapport with the teacher early on). At school there is a lot of lining up and waiting - far more so than nursery- and reception is all about learning through play so not much official work (in fact a lot of the reception year is learning school routines, standing up, standing in a line, waiting waiting and more waiting. Do you think he will be OK with that? You may want to ask the teacher for feedback from early on- so you can find out whether its just a problem with the nursery, or whether there is a more general problem with school type routines.

WedgiesMum Thu 04-Dec-03 13:51:36

Up until recently he has enjoyed being there, and has been there since he was 4 months old. all of his friends left in Sept to go to school, and he has felt very isolated and not really had nay friends there since then. When he does get together with his 'old' friends they always play really really well together too. I just can't get my head around why they wouldn't let him go outside to blow off steam....

I think they meant an educational psychologist as 'professional help'. When I spoke to my Dr about this she was completely against this as she thought that we should wait for school and see how he reacts then, he was perfectly behaved when we went to see her and she thought that it was boredom.

Thanks for the tips about school, I am planning on talking to the teacher before he goes to get her to communicate with me really closely about things so that I can settle myself about what is going on and help him cope, and those have been added to my 'conversation list'.

Jimjams Thu 04-Dec-03 13:55:40

Well to be honest- there's no way he'd get to see an ed psych before starting school now anyway- there isn't enough time. Sounds oike the nursery trying to shift blame if he's always enjoyed it in the past (by which I mean they haven't coped with him but don't want to admit it).

Do you get a home visit from the teacher? I think most (all?) schools do this - you may be able to chat about it then.

Sounds like he's fed up at losing all his friends. The same thing happened to me when I started school- all my friends started the term before and I rememeber being very unimpressed with playschool after they'd gone.

WedgiesMum Thu 04-Dec-03 14:22:59

Thanks for this Jimjams, you always seem to be able to cut to the point for me (from earlier posts I've done stressing about his behaviour). He is very unimpressed with the activities, I think he feels that they're doing baby work, there seems to be a lot of crafty activities (especially coming up to xmas) and not much what he would see as learning, so he's not challenged at all.

Only 7 days to go after today, thank god.

Jimjams Thu 04-Dec-03 14:41:06

The "work" in reception won't be much different tbh- but he'll feel like a big boy and- he'll be in a much more awe inspiring environment.

charlize Thu 04-Dec-03 17:53:10

Wedgies mum, this so reminds me of my ds1 whenhe was in nursery.
He started at a local private nursery at the age of 2.5 looking back I shoukd have seen it was totally unsuitable for him as it was quite a small room and the children were expected to quietly do jigsaws, drawings etc. To cut a long story short I was politely asked not to bring him back after a couple of weeks as he was far to *lively* and mischevious.
I was distraught at this and actually piad for a ed pyhs to visit us at home and observe and interact with ds.
He asked me loads of questions and was actually quite amazed at ds. Not as you might think in a negative way but amazed at his intelligence.
Ds being my first child I had no idea but the Ep report was that Ds was extemely bright and was probably bored and stifled in the nursery.
On his advice we enroled Ds in the local private school at 5 with only 10 to a class in reception.
His behavior rapidly improved after we enroled him in the kintergarten to this school at the age of 3.
They worked with him at his own pace and he was reading and writing fluently before he was 4.
Now at 11 yrs he excels at maths in paticular and he is such a quiet polite well behaved boy, who tops his school year every year.
Its hard to believe this is the same unruly 2 yr old who was expelled from nursey for his behavior. So hang in there, I too cried so much with worry over ds and did wonder if he had problems to but look how it turned out.

kmg1 Thu 04-Dec-03 18:35:37

WedgiesMum - yes, he's probably tired at the end of a long term, with all the excitement of Christmas; yes, he's probably very worried about starting school; yes, he's probably ready for a change of routine/new challenges.

We had a dreadful time with ds1 at this age. He went to a very unstructured nursery, and his teacher was predicting all sorts of doom and downfall for him. He is now 6, has now been at school for 4 terms. He is behaviour is exemplary, in many ways he is a model pupil, has lots of friends, and is top of his class in every subject.

WedgiesMum Fri 05-Dec-03 10:37:24

Thanks for the reassurance it is particularly welcome. Nursery have been kind of implying exclusion and that sent me into a wild panic. I am feeling hopeful about school because they have a policy for bright kids that Ofsted particularly praised. He tried really hard to be good yesterday and got his stamp for being good so is half way to getting to see Santa on Sunday, and he seems to be more positive about nursery today. I think he's in some sort of cycle where he just sees it as a place where he gets into trouble and so doesn't try too hard??

I keep saying to myself only X days to go. Today it's only 7 days, including today. Note to self - use this as your mantra for today.

Feeling better about things - thanks peeps.

WedgiesMum Sat 06-Dec-03 23:19:32

Just a bit of an update, we're going to see Santa!! He was such a good boy at nursery on Thursday and Friday that he got his stamps on his chart for both days. He tried really hard and is really proud of himself. Only 6 days to go....

kizzie Sun 07-Dec-03 15:13:32

Hi wedgiesmum - Ive just read your thread after you answered my query about MY Ds.
Guess what - one of the major probs we have is that because he can only go to school half days till christmas he has had to carry on going to nursery two afternoons a week. I absolutely didnt want to do this but in the end we didnt hve any option - so he is in the same position. 4 an a half with lots of little ones. You might find that once he is with children all his own age he feels much more comfortable (I know I cant wait till after xmas when DS will only be at school so he isnt getting confused.)
Kizziex

roscoe Sun 07-Dec-03 15:33:12

Wedgiesmum - Did your ds enjoy his visit to see Santa? He sounds like a little sweetie.

WedgiesMum Mon 08-Dec-03 21:45:09

Thanks for asking Roscoe, we had a great time. Went on the steam train twice and saw Santa and got a fab prezzie - a water bottle he can use for school. I think Santa was a little taken aback as DS started on his long list of what he wanted for chritmas, which he continued when he saw him in the cafe and then again on the train!! DD however wouldn't even look at him, so that kind of made up for it...

kizzie, your poor DS must be soooo confused bless him, no wonder he's allover!! How's he doing??

Roll on January 5th!!!!!

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