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Anti-social at 4 months???

(7 Posts)
SarahBee Sun 30-Nov-03 17:37:07

DD is a lovely happy sociable little thing at home, but gets upset when other people are around or if we go to someone else's house. Even if I sit right next to the person holding her, she won't stay happy for longer than about 10 mins - same if I leave room and leave them to it. This is true even for her grandparents who she has seen at least twice a week since birth. She's always veered towards this tendency, but now that I'm better at working out what she wants when she cries, it's far more noticeable that she's crying with other people without there being any real reason and will settle as soon as she's back in my arms (or usually her dad's arms work too). She's almost exclusively breastfed (will sometimes take an ounce or two from bottle but not always) - is she too attached to me/us? Is there such a thing in such a young baby? I'd love to hear that someone else has had similar experience with such a young baby ..... and any tips to help her make friends with disappointed potential baby cuddlers!

bobthebaby Sun 30-Nov-03 19:44:05

My ds was exactly the same at this age. I don't think that she is crying for no reason. There is a very good reason - she wants to be with you and that is just as valid as being hungry etc. I carried him around in a sling through this phase, because people are less likely to try and grab a baby who is attached to you in this way. Once he got older and a bit nosier he wanted to go to other people and play with their noses and pull their hair.

If it helps he is now 9 months old and can happily be left with grandparents etc. or playing on his own and is just really pleased to see me when I return. He is the only baby in my mums and babies group who doesn't pack a sad when I go to the toilet.

I didn't explain to any dissapointed baby cuddlers I just carried him around, or dad did. You cannot be too attached to your parents at 4 months old, and breastfeeding is nothing to do with it (although it is fantastic that you are bfing). Enjoy it, everyone else will get a chance soon enough.

sobernow Sun 30-Nov-03 19:56:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maomao Sun 30-Nov-03 20:02:34

We had the same problem, too, and also put our DD in a sling during this phase. It seemed to reassure her and kept her at a comfortable distance from strangers. Now she loves meeting people.

hockeymum Sun 30-Nov-03 20:37:07

Hi SarahBee. My DD is exactly the same and has been since about 8 weeks old (she is now 15months). I used to find it really difficult and people are so quick to criticise, saying it is because I breastfed her or because we didn't hand her around enough as a newborn etc etc. I really think it is just down to the baby's character.

DD is much better now but goes back to it when she is teething or poorly. I used to get really cross with her about it but that just made it worse. She will now happily stay in church creche twice a week and will let one of her grandmas look after her as well as DH but is still a mummy's girl (which I secretly like). I once stood up to a friend who was a bit critical about DD's clinginess and she said that actually she was very jealous that DD was so cuddly with me as her DS did not seem to care when she left him.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it might be down to your DDs personality and she will probably end up a lovely cuddly toddler. As for tips, just try to be relaxed about it. If your friends are happy to hold her even if she is crying that can sometimes become a break through moment as she will soon get tired of crying when she realises you are not about to snatch her back and comfort her. Also, I found my DD was worse with people who tried to make too much of an effort and fussed her. She's quite like a cat really, will happily sit on someones lap if they ignore her but will run crying from people who are too in her face.

Really though, just go on your instincts and she will realise other people are really quite nice eventually.

Hope that helps

SarahBee Mon 01-Dec-03 09:22:33

Thanks for the replies, so good to know we are not the only ones - funny you should say about the cat thing Hockeymum that's exactly how I have described her too!

What ages were yours when they got a bit braver with others? And did anyone try gradually leaving them with someone for little times to "acclimatise" or is it just torture for the poor little things?

hockeymum Mon 01-Dec-03 09:33:39

Hi again

I left my DD in creche at 6 months and she lasted 5 minutes the first week before sobbing so much they brought her to me. I kept leaving her there every week and she got longer and longer each week, taking about 7 weeks in total before she would happily spend the whole 90 minutes there. I think this also helped her generally with her clinginess. I didn't leave her with family for a bit longer as they live away but from about 8 months I did and they said she cried for the first 10-15 minutes and then just got on with it and was fine for the rest of the day. I try and do it as much as possible now so its familiar for her.

If I could do it all again, I would start when she was younger. I would leave her with family and go out, for half an hour at first and then build up the time. They soon realise you are going to come back eventually. I think perhaps I was too worried myself about leaving her with people and that concern made her more uneasy. But hey, life is for learning.

Let me know how you get on.

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