What to tell a boy to do when hit by a girl??

[Squidgybumbum]

For some reason every time we go to the local indoor soft play, my ds at some point ends up getting whacked by a girl or girls. I saw it for myself today, bopped on the head with a dolls handbag! Goodness knows what he might be saying to annoy them, (if anything atall as you know how kids can be)...

I always tell him not to hit girls, but what else could I tell him as it seems all a bit unfair??

[JasperJohns]

I'd tell him not to hit anyone, boy or girl.

[WipsGlitter]

What do you tell him to do to boys? Hit back?? surely you tell him not to hit anyone??

[jelliebelly]

How old is he? Surely right message isnot to hit anybody boy or girl?

[TheHouseofMirth]

Why on earth would it be different for girls?

[Squidgybumbum]

Ok thanks for the advice everyone, he's 3 and if a boy thumped him one I wouldn't object if he pushed the kid back to be honest, but obviously I wouldn't approve of a full on fist fight. But with girls I feel it is different - that's what I think anyway, perhaps that's not the general concensus, although I have to say I rarely see Mums telling off their kids for anything at most play areas I visit...

[SilentBoob]

Gender plays no part in this.

[JasperJohns]

I agree with SilentBoob.

You should tell him to walk away from anyone that hits him; retaliating with aggresion is WRONG!

[shrinkingnora]

I overheard a mum at school saying to her son 'now don't forget, if anyone hits you, hit them back'. Bloody depressing.

[JasperJohns]

Very depressing. My son (9) has two of boys in his class who have been brought up like this and they are thugs in the playground and constantly in the head's office.

[lambethlil]

if a boy thumped him one I wouldn't object if he pushed the kid back



Unless you live amongst an underground band of outlaw bare knuckle fighters this is not a good way to bring up children.

[MamaMaiasaura]

Agree at 3 to say not to hit back.

However going against the grain here, when my ds got to 7 we moved and he was being bullied. They had a "beat up Tom" club . So he would tell teacher but this group kept going. So I said if you've told the teacher and they do it again, you can defend yourself. Thankfully he left that school as a place at our 1st choice became available. However, I still stand that my dc have a right to defend themselves. But as I said when v small it's far better to teach them to keep away from a child who has hit them and tell parent/teacher

[OneHandFlapping]

I'm going to get flamed here, because I know this isn't the preferred option on MN, but here goes...

I don't see what is wrong with teaching a child that if someone hits you it's OK to defend yourself. An adult who is attacked is entitled to defend him or herself.

Why should that be different for a child? These little hoodlums who go around hitting other children with impunity, unrebuked by their parents, might think twice if they are going to get a wallop back.

I also don't see why an exception should be made for girls. There is no enormous innate strength difference in pre-pubertal children. A girl shouldn't think she can lay into boys without repercussions either.

I had endless problems with my children being hit at primary school by the playground thugs. Funnily enough the supervisors never saw anything. Also the penalties at the school for "hitting back" far outweighed the penalties for random violence. I'm really not sure what thios achieved.

[Bucharest]

What everybody except OneHanfFlapping says.

[Hulababy]

You tell him to walk away and tell you or the grown up in charge.
When you tell a child to hit back, regardless of gender, you are sending them down a pretty dodgy path imo.
Violence is not the answer.

And at 3 years old you most definitely shouldn't be sending out this message

[MamaMaiasaura]

And for the record, ds1 is now 12 and has never started a fight, but will defend himself and knows he is supported by us. As I grew up I was bullied for having red hair and always told to ignore them. Never helped and they were violent. I felt powerless and was not able to defend myself. I wish I had.

[MamaMaiasaura]

onehand I do agree although 3 istpp young IMO to understand that all reasonable channels have been exhausted. At 7/8 I think if the child has told teacher and it continues they have every right to defend themselves

[MamaMaiasaura]

Is too not istpp

[Archemedes]

I was brought up if someone hits you you have the right to defend yourself.

I am in no way a thug and was never in fights as I got older.

If you seperate your DS as someone who can't defend himself against girls you're setting him up for every nasty little girl to have a pop at.

[OneHandFlapping]

No, maybe 3 is a bit young to understand the ramifications of permissable self defence.

[Archemedes]

Rather than see it as teaching a child violence is okay,

See it as teaching a child 'those who go looking for trouble should always find it' that message should begin very young.

[SoupDragon]

"I don't see what is wrong with teaching a child that if someone hits you it's OK to defend yourself"

There is a difference between defending yourself and retaliating.

[Archemedes]

My mum told me to grab the childs hands when I was at school I suppose you could do that? or something similar.