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Concerned about ds' reaction

(13 Posts)
Mum2boy Sat 22-Nov-03 08:23:16

Just wondered what others think about my son's reaction recently... it has got me a little worried about his level of sensitivity. My dad was going through some old stuff at his house and found a poster-size picture of me with my ex-boyfriend, taken at a wedding years ago, and he asked me if I wanted it. I must have been about 21 at the time (before dh came along), and we were smiling and had our arms around each other. Anyway ds, being very interested in photographs, wanted to have a look at it.. I didn't think much of it and I went into another room and came back a few minutes later. DS was very quiet and when I looked at him, he had tears running down his face. I was quite taken aback & asked him what was wrong, but he didn't say anything. In fact it took about 5 minutes of me holding him on my lap & cuddling him, to get him to tell me. Eventually after I asked him why he was crying, he said "the picture." I said what about the picture, and he said "Mummy's with a man". He was really quite upset by it so all I could do was explain that it was a long time ago, and that the man was an old friend of Mummy's. He nodded his head and seemed to be ok after that.

My question is whether it is normal for a 3 year old to "read" something into a photograph like that... I thought he would just recognize that it was me in the photo, and that would be it. My friend seems to think that ds might have picked up on something he may've heard in a conversation between dh & I (maybe during an argument?) and might be feeling insecure. Either that, she said, or he's very sensitive and she thinks it might make him a target for bullies later on. DH totally disagrees with my friend & thinks ds was just confused by the absence of his dad in the photograph. Sorry for the long-winded story but I just thought that a kid of that age wouldn't really give a toss about who's in a photograph. Would appreciate some thoughts.. thanks.

bobsmum Sat 22-Nov-03 09:25:54

Oh mum2boy your ds sounds lovely! I would have to agree with your dh on this one. I think your sensitive and intuitive little man has recognised you and realised that you're cuddling another man - something your ds has never seen probably. His 3 year old mind has put 2 and 2 together and made 6. I don't think it's got *anything* to do with anything he's overheard, he just knows there's something in the picture which doesn't fit his way of looking at the universe. I think your friend has overeacted a lot and I wouldn't worry about the whole bullying thing *at all*. Your ds sounds as if he's very astute and a real thinker; especially as he understood and seemed fine with an explanation. You notice it was the explanation more than the cuddles which made everything right with the world - he just wanted to know why his world of you and his dad had suddenly apparently turned upside down. Hope he's much happier now

3GirlsMum Sat 22-Nov-03 11:05:53

Aww bless him. Does he know that its an ex boyfriend of yours, could it not have been explained as just an old friend? Sounds to me as though he is a sensitive child but nothing that you should worry about and I have to agree with your DH on this, doesnt mean he will be a target for bullies at all. Sounds to me like your friend is making something out of nothing.

Take care x

Mum2boy Sun 23-Nov-03 07:42:08

Bobsmum thanks for your lovely response, also 3GirlsMum. You know, sometimes I don't think we realise how fast their little brains are developing and it comes as a bit of a shock when they start forming their own conclusions about things. DH is a real thinker too (very deep) so perhaps that has something to do with it.. I'll just have to keep in mind that ds has a tendency to be sensitive to things. Thanks again

hurtingmum Sun 23-Nov-03 18:22:12

Don't know if it's ok to post this message here but don't know where else to post it...
I love my 4 month old son very much and as far as I am aware I’ve never done anything to reject him including while he was in the womb. The only trouble is he seems to have loads of smiles for everyone except me. Sometimes we have lovely smiley times together but other times he doesn’t even seem to recognise me. Sometimes he even looks away from me. I’m trying not to take it too personally, or to show him that I’m hurt, but in a low moment it’s really painful. Has anyone else experienced this or offer any advice?

hurtingmum Sun 23-Nov-03 19:30:01

Don't know if it's ok to post this message here but don't know where else to post it...
I love my 4 month old son very much and as far as I am aware I’ve never done anything to reject him including while he was in the womb. The only trouble is he seems to have loads of smiles for everyone except me. Sometimes we have lovely smiley times together but other times he doesn’t even seem to recognise me. Sometimes he even looks away from me. I’m trying not to take it too personally, or to show him that I’m hurt, but in a low moment it’s really painful. Has anyone else experienced this or offer any advice?

hurtingmum Sun 23-Nov-03 19:30:42

Don't know if it's ok to post this message here but don't know where else to post it...
I love my 4 month old son very much and as far as I am aware I’ve never done anything to reject him including while he was in the womb. The only trouble is he seems to have loads of smiles for everyone except me. Sometimes we have lovely smiley times together but other times he doesn’t even seem to recognise me. Sometimes he even looks away from me. I’m trying not to take it too personally, or to show him that I’m hurt, but in a low moment it’s really painful. Has anyone else experienced this or offer any advice?

hurtingmum Sun 23-Nov-03 21:08:53

Don't know if it's ok to post this message here but don't know where else to post it...
I love my 4 month old son very much and as far as I am aware I’ve never done anything to reject him including while he was in the womb. The only trouble is he seems to have loads of smiles for everyone except me. Sometimes we have lovely smiley times together but other times he doesn’t even seem to recognise me. Sometimes he even looks away from me. I’m trying not to take it too personally, or to show him that I’m hurt, but in a low moment it’s really painful. Has anyone else experienced this or offer any advice?

anais Sun 23-Nov-03 22:38:52

Hi, Hurting mum, don't take it personally - it's not intended He is not rejecting you - as you say, you have smiley times. Maybe sometimes he is just tired, or there's something else caught his eye.

At 4 months he's still pretty little and you probably still have hormones all over the place. Don't take it personally, just enjoy him

(((hugs)))

geraldine1969 Sun 23-Nov-03 22:42:56

hi hurting mum - don't worry - my DD5 smiled at DH mostly or our dog at that age and it really did my head in! Smiles at me now though

handlemecarefully Mon 24-Nov-03 08:27:30

Mum2boy

I think your friend, well meaning as she is, has made a huge leap in assuming that a sensitive 3 year old will later be a target for bullies. I wouldn't worry on that score...

aloha Mon 24-Nov-03 10:21:30

Hurtingmum, could you be depressed? You sound very low. Of course your baby isn't rejecting you - he's a tiny little thing who hasn't the first clue about complicated ideas like that - he has no idea what goes on in your head and couldn't possibly do anything deliberately to affect you - it's simply not possible. It's like asking, 'do you think my goldfish is rejecting me'

But the fact that you are asking makes me wonder if you might have PND and if you are feeling low or crying a lot or not eating or having other symptoms, maybe a trip to the dr might be in order?

morocco Mon 24-Nov-03 11:34:31

I'm sorry to hear you are so upset hurtingmum - please try not to take it personally - he isn't rejecting you at all - just trying out his charming smile on newcomers. Give it a few more months and soon you'll be getting smiles meant just for you, his special mummy.
thinking back to ds at that age I don't really rmember getting much in the way of smiles at all and it all seemed pretty randomly distributed.
And I don't mean this to sound patronising, but hormones and lack of sleep probably aren't helping you right now - like aloha said, have you thought about speaking to your gp or health visitor as well?

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