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How do you deal with rewards when only one dc needs to improve behaviour?(7 Posts)
Ds' behaviour at school has been a problem lately ( another thread but basically he is trying to cope with no TA support and struggling). To try to get him back on track we've offered him a Lego mini figure for all good days this week. He tried really hard and got the reward yesterday.
Dd 4 is, on the whole, angelic. She wants a reward too. How do you balance this when one child's behaviour isn't in need of improvement? ( I have just bought little prizes for her too but dunno if it's the right thing to do)
Is there a skill your younger child could work to improve to earn her rewards? Or something you are trying to encourage like picking up her toys?
I don't think it hurts to give her a bit of a reward too - not as big or important as his, but treat it as a celebration of how great he has been, so she is also saying well done to him and isn't it great etc! Not the same thing at all really but when I was potty training youngest DC he would be given a choc button or sweet for each success, the older two would also get given chocolate button for each of his successes - this made them super enthusiastic about DS getting the hang of it and they spent ages encouraging him and helping him so that they could share in his rewards. What I'm trying to say is that sometimes a bit of general family celebration and all round nice things due to one person's success can make that person feel wrapped in a happy glow of having done well and not just made themselves happy but others too.
I would work at something with her. She's right. Your ds is basically getting a reward for behaving as she would expect to, ie not behaving badly. Not that I'm saying it's wrong, I do it too, but from her point of view.
I'd give her something to aim at. Maybe it could be to put her plate in the dishwasher at the end of each meal, or lay the table or tidy her room. I wouldn't just give them for his reward, as far as I'm concerned if I give a dc a challenge it is between them and me and the other children don't get to comment on it (except positively). Try and make whatever she's got to do about the same level of achieving, but don't start making allowances if one has achieved but not the other.
I think you need to reward her too.
However, do think a whole day is a long time to think a child can behave all day. Try break it up into manageable time slots, his less likely to fail then
Thanks. We have broken it up, he basically has to not hurt other children and not shout at his teacher (that sounds like he is a hideous child but he is actually lovely when he gets some support at school. Without ta help he quickly falls into melt down).
I think your ideas about setting some goals for dd are great. I was racking my brains trying to think of a behaviour thing but getting herself dressed or similar could work well.
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