Really struggling with dd2 (nearly 9yo) ..

[kando]

she's a real hothead and has tantrums on a regular basis. She is the middle child so I appreciate that she will feel "hard done by" about certain things. She is so angry about everything at the moment, blows her top when she doesn't get her own way, she's rude, screams and shouts a lot, stamps around and slams the doors. Arguments usually happen because she doesn't get her own way or because of her rudeness/attitude (towards me mostly, but also towards her sisters, not so much with dh though). I also appreciate that we both rub each other up the wrong way and that I don't help things by getting annoyed with her behaviour myself (eg when trying to reason with her, she hums a particular tune which gets louder, so therefore I get louder ... which doesn't help anyone and I should just walk away and wait until she calms down. If I do walk away and bring it up later when we're all calm, again it just ends up in a shouting match between us and her telling me she hates me).

Whatever consequences I try to initiate as a result of her behaviour, her usual response is "I don't care", and she really doesn't seem to! (I have removed her from the situation, taken away privileges/toys/treats/pocket money and such like.)

I am really stuck to think of ways to try and calm her down and improve her attitude/rudeness. One thing I AM planning on doing is praising her more and focusing on the good behaviours (starting now!).

I've heard about a book called "How to talk so your children will listen" or something like that - does anyone know if this (or of any other books I could read) might help to improve my relationship with her? Any advice would be really appreciated. Thanks.

[kando]

Anyone?

[madwomanintheattic]

if you are trying to talk to her and she's deliberately humming to block you out, put her in her bedroom until she will listen without being rude. calmly, rationally, and explaining that when she is able to listen and hold a conversation properly, she can rejoin the family.

focus on good and rewarding positive all fab. but she's old enough for some good manners, and deliberately humming to block out your speech is just plain rude.

'how to talk' is supposed to be quite good. i try not to lose my rag, as i find speaking calmly and rationally whilst refusing to give into demands doesn't give them the out of control screeching attention they are seeking. and then try to discuss her behaviour rationally with her when everything is calm and chugging along nicely, rather than waiting until there is a problem.

[kando]

thanks for your reply madwoman.