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3.3 yo constant whingeing, driving me crazy!

(6 Posts)
JoandMax Sat 22-Oct-11 14:59:38

DS1 is 3.3 years and had always been a smiley and generally happy boy, terrible twos weren't that terrible.

Then he turned 3 and has been so difficult ever since. Everything is done what either whingeing or tantruming, often for no apparent reason. He is getting very physical with DS2, 19 months, and will push him over for no reason......

We use naughty step, try and praise good behaviour, make sure he has one on one time with us both but it's making no difference.

He's just gone absolutely hysterical as DH wouldn't let him put raisins in a lasagne, he wa told no nicely but screamed, threw everything on the floor and is now on the step.

What else can we do??? Is this just a phase to endure?????

IsItMeOr Sat 22-Oct-11 15:11:48

Your DS is a bit older than mine, but the behaviour sounds a bit like he is beginning to show.

I like reading, so I've found the How to talk so your kids listen... book helpful, as well as one on understanding your two year old (there's a version for three year olds - done by the Tavistock). Playful Parenting has been a bit of a sanity saver here too.

On the raisins in lasagne - I know it's not the point really, as you have to have boundaries somewhere - but if it's his lasagne, why not let him experiment? Then you can save your energy for the lessons he really does need to learn (e.g. don't hurt your brother).

Good luck - patience, patience and more patience.

JoandMax Sat 22-Oct-11 15:37:51

I will try that book, thanks.

It was a lasagne for 6 adults and the 2 kids so not sure they would of appreciated the addition! If it was just his he would of been allowed, he likes to experiment with cooking but can never accept the word no.....

It's always a tantrum with leaving the park, leaving friends houses etc, I'm knackered! He does have time where he can be so lovely and kind so I'm hopeful this will pass........

stayforappledunking Sat 22-Oct-11 15:51:28

Sounds like a normal three year old boy to me! I have one grin do you find he copies your other child a lot? My ds1 he copes my 20 month old sometimes with whinging and can get physical. It's jealousy and trying to get attention. I try to make sure I pay both the same attention but it can be hard as I have 4dc all young.

Pick your battles, accept the whinging isn't about getting at you or that he is actually miserable, make sure he is getting some special time with you and stay calm and consistent if you feel the need to punish. It really is just a phase smile

BertieBotts Sat 22-Oct-11 15:56:42

DS is the same - he's just turned 3! I posted the other day about chocolate buttons, at 2, if told no you can't have them for lunch, he'd be upset for a minute then accept it, now he screams and refuses food for hours, even days. Great! He seems to be taking it better now though with some consistency and perseverance on my part.

With cooking, mainly because there are hot and sharp things involved, we have a rule which is "You must be calm and you must listen, otherwise we can't do cooking together." and if he doesn't, then he gets taken down from the chair he's standing on to help, and moved into another room. He's only just started cooking with me and so far the warning has been enough, at the first sign of him getting silly, or upset, I will hold his arm still or take any sharp knives etc off him and repeat "You need to be calm/listen if you want to help." Of course he's allowed to be upset, but not up on a chair near the knives, hot stove and food which could end up on the floor.

With raisins in lasagne, I probably would have tried to make him laugh - adopt exaggerated tone of voice that you would to say "Socks don't go on heads!" and say "No! Raisins don't go in lasagne, that would be silly!" and then maybe give him a choice - shall we put this herb, or this one? But if he can't be trusted to stay calm at the moment, maybe it's best to hold off on serious cooking for a while. Give him a bowl with some flour and water and raisins or something to stir on the floor.

With leaving places I find that a warning before we're about to leave and giving him a choice of "We have to go soon. Choose two more things to play on, and then we are going home to do XYZ" (where XYZ is something he likes like his favourite toy, or dinner, or watching a certain programme, or to see if Daddy is home yet, etc etc) - the number will vary. Some children find it easier to understand "one more play" than any number over one, especially if they haven't mastered counting. But others will find "Choose one thing to have a last go on" too limiting because they want to choose everything, so a higher number is more helpful. But they do have to understand that number.

I don't really use the naughty step, but will put DS in another room or get him to sit down somewhere if he is winding me up or destroying things and so needs to calm down. The other day though he decided that a drink would calm him down, and so he went off, found his drink from earlier and came back in all calm, it was lovely (and rare!!) - so the sitting down is sort of optional, if he can come up with a better option, anyway.

BertieBotts Sat 22-Oct-11 16:00:24

Also, I've found that recently DS has gone back to really needing a nap (or at least a quiet lie down) in the afternoons. This has helped massively with the whining and the sustained tantrums. He doesn't have one every day, but I'm starting to notice the days that he does need one, and help him to have one. Usually we just put a Thomas DVD on and he lies down on the sofa and usually drops off. Then I wake him after half an hour or so (otherwise he doesn't sleep at night) and we go for a walk to the shop or something. He's just fallen asleep now actually - a bit late but hopefully shouldn't be too close to dinner when I get him up again.

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