Yr 1 - Ed Psych Assessment - Possible Asperger's - Advice/Reassurance welcomed!(7 Posts)
My son is an only child, aged 5 [6 in Feb]. Both nursery and reception were difficult times but now in Year 1 everything has come to a head.
He loves to learn, he can do his reading, writing, is fascinated by engineering and 'how things work', will happily spend ages with a screwdriver and his toys trying to figure out what goes where.
But at school, unless he is taught at a seperate table, with the TA sitting with him, they report that he is really hard to manage, although they also say he is on track with the curriculum.
He loves people, but struggles terribly. He likes to play with others but can very quickly overwhelm them and then get frustrated when they want to do something different.
He has also only ever had someone come to play once, and it was not very successful as he appeared completely overwhelmed by someone touching his things and 'messing things up'. He has been on two playdates at a close friends house but on the second occasion he asked to leave after half an hour.
He is really social on his own terms - he goes to after-school club 4 times a week, goes to swimming classes, karate, boy's brigade and church school and has close companions at each place, but if I offer to have any over or meet up with them outside of that specific setting he quickly changes the subject and just says that he prefers to do something else.
At home, everything just runs around his activites and routines as I guess I have just become used to it. I will give him plenty of notice if anything has to change
They have put him in a social skills group at school and have requested my consent for an educational psychologist assessment, which I have agreed to, as I want the best for him, but his father [we have been seperated for two years] is quite angry about it and feels he is being labelled for no reason.
I would love to hear from others with experience in this area.
Come over to the SEN forum there are loads of us who have experienced similar on there.
My only experience is with someone I work with who is an adult with Aspergers. On the negative side he can be a pain in the backside, and will argue a point to the point of obsession whilst not seeing the bigger picture or the 'personal' angle of someone else. Black & White, thats it. He will not make a decision unless it is black & white and has either written instructions or being overruled in someway by authority.
Positive side....He is a happy enough individual and has many interests and a happy marriage and quite possibly has more money than the rest of us put together!!! He will carry out most jobs with utter dilligence.
Its easy for me to say the next thing because my sons arent assessed as having the condition, even though I thought there may have been a chance my son had Autism when he was a toddler, which made me ponder.
It isnt the end of your world. You still love him and he you, he may not be the son you were expecting but he is still there and still your son. Very few of us get exactly what we want with our kids and its just as well as it we too have faults and failed dreams/expectations and expect our children to listen to our every word to avoid our pitfalls, exceed our grades etc. In short our experiences cloud our judgements and we pass it on. (Re:Philip Larkins Poem!)
He is a person in his own right and being human, and humane, you, I everyone make adjustments for everyone we meet as they are all different.
As for Apergers and Autism it is very hard for doctors to mark a line in the sand and say "This person is 100% autistic".
There are many varying degrees and it may be we all have a little of it in our genetic make up, you or I may be a little bit "fussy" about a particular area and someone may call you a "control freak" but who is to say it isnt a little autism in us coming to the fore.
He will be OK and happy, and if one day he goes into a paddy about something dont think "Oh its his Aspergers" think of when you last acted like it and I'm sure you had lots of reasons for being upset that was not apparent to anyone else at the time.
I cant give you anymore than that but I wish you well, not because of your sons 'condition' but because of your concern. Think not of him as being a different race but of just a particular character type, like gregarious, gentle , happy, etc.
HE WILL BE OK! because his family care for him as he his....bottom line.
It is really common for dads to react like this. The different reactions that you and your ex are having are fairly classic really . Try to meet him halfway if you can - I suppose he has to find his own way to deal with the issues. Try to talk in terms of a label possibly being useful to get specific help (if indeed you do come to think it would be useful).
I concluded a whilte ago that dads can think whatever they need to think in order to feel that they can carry on putting lots of time and effort into their relationship with their son. Sometimes they move from anger towards acceptance but it can take quite a while. good luck.
Thanks for your replies, wasuup - I have now found that forum, thanks I am still getting the hang of mumsnet!
lingle - I think you are right, it might be easier for his dad if I get on with the education side of things [he's missed all the parent's evening anyway] and only mention it if/when the assessment is complete.
redrobyn - thanks for your thoughts, it certainly won't change what I think, but if makes it easier for the school, so be it.
One of my friends once told me to see it as a signpost (to the right help) rather than as a label. DS is autistic, and actually it has become clear that as opposed to it being a label stuck on him, it describes how he is, to the core.
They also don't hand these things out lightly (or quickly). Your ds sounds lovely and the school sound supportive. Good luck with everything.
I don't know anything about aspergers but it sounds to me that he is quite normal. It may be that he is socially immature and as an only child needs to learn to interact with other children. It sounds as if he is doing a lot and may just need his time alone at home to play peacefully with his toys. I live in switzerland and am having problems with my 4 1/2 yo dts boys in kindergarten. We are going to have them assessed by the Ed Psych. having spoken to other parents about this I have only had very positive feedback about any follow up therapy the kids are given afterwards.
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