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baby with BIG separation anxiety so 3yo DS has to be left to his own device at bedtime

(9 Posts)
connyrabbit Tue 18-Oct-11 21:34:39

and that makes me so sad.

My 1yo DS2 is having massive separation anxiety, daytime and night time. To the point that we have to have him in our bed as he won't sleep in his. But that's another problem.

Tonight, once again, my lovely 3yo DS who's been running a v high temperature for the last couple of days, had to be left in front of a DVD in bed for 1h30 while I was wrestling DS2 to sleep. DS2'd been moaning and rubbing his eyes and yawning since 7, but everytime I lay him down, he'd sit upright and start crying his heart out as if I were abandoning him forever.
So after 30 mins trying, I took him downstairs for 5 minutes to make some dinner for DS1. Yes I know, you have to be consistent and stick to what you do, but sometimes you just can't.
After several ups and downs as above, I managed at last to put him to bed at 9.
I hurried to DS1's bedroom saying "i'm SO sorry darli..." and there he was fast asleep in front of the DVD still running.
I could have cried.

Bedtime for DS2 has become so horrific that I can't even look after my sick little boy. I could have kept DS2 with me in DS1's bedroom, but DS2's so noisy that DS1 would rather I took yelling brother away.

And it is like this most evenings. DS1 only gets to watch TV in bed when he's sick though. Normally at that time he would be reading a book or something, on his own, still.

How he will not become madly jealous and resentful of his baby brother, I don't know.

Help...

BarryShitpeas Tue 18-Oct-11 21:46:24

Can you arrange to breast/bottle feed ds2 while you read/cuddle/bedtime ds1?

This could give you a lovely cuddley bedtime with ds1 while pacifying ds2, then you can deal with horrendous ds2 bedtime when ds1 has dropped off?

Babies often not as ready for bed as 3 year olds who haven't napped during the day.

And don't feel guilty!

Rogers1 Tue 18-Oct-11 21:48:52

Poor you....separation anxiety is a nightmare! Have you tried the supernanny 'sleep separation technique'? It has worked wonders in my house...!
I also had to engage my DS in a very fun activity before leaving any room & be in talking distance for reassurance.
I hope your DS1 gets better soon.

BarryShitpeas Tue 18-Oct-11 21:54:46

Do you have a partner?

How would you feel about asking them to be home, so each child had an uninterrupted bedtime from a parent?

SootySweepandSue Tue 18-Oct-11 21:56:22

Is your baby having more than 1 nap per day? If so I'd drop it. Maybe he's just not tired???

MurderBloodstabsandgore Tue 18-Oct-11 21:56:32

when baby asleep, make sure you 'make it up' to your older one, cuddle and read stories or something, don't do the hoovering or whatever berates self

It won't be for ever.

TBH sometimes I just have to leave the baby to cry in her cot while I read a story for 5 mins to DS if I'm doing bedtime on my own.

You have to split yourself in half sad

connyrabbit Tue 18-Oct-11 22:04:33

Barry, yours would be a good idea if only DS2 wasn't so electrified by DS1. DS1 doesn't do anything special, it's just that DS2 is bananas about his big brother! So basically I can't breastfeed him while in his brother's bedroom as it just completely wakes him up.

Rogers, I've just been on the supernanny website and looked up the sleep separation technique. I'm starting tomorrow!

nightshade Wed 19-Oct-11 19:07:40

do bedtime things with ds1 first, let ds2 trail along behind. read bedtime story downstairs with ds1, let ds2 play on floor. then a quick upstairs, cuddle and night night for ds1.

Rogers1 Wed 19-Oct-11 19:52:18

Good luck connyrabbit! It works wonders in my house & my DS sleeps loads better. Let us know how it goes. The first few nights aren't easy but it gets better!

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