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Help with my 4 year old wrecking havoc at school

(4 Posts)
handmedownqueen Wed 12-Oct-11 20:48:26

DS (just 4 in july) is really struggling with school. he's youngest of five and i have to admit just run a bit wild at home but a lovely, loving little boy who's a bit determined and stubborn but no real management problem. sleeps and eats well, still in nappies at night
heres the problem. he is a real mismatch academically (really ahead of himself, almost reading) to socially(immature,cant share, cant play with others, hits,kicks,bites at school when doesnt get his own way)
hes on an IEP for his behaviour already. This week has been particularly grim as he pulled down his pants to show his 'big willy' (his words0 then peed on the floor deliberatley when told off
he does understand when hes been naughty and can apologise
would welcome advice from any teachers Please!!! feel our school want to label him something hes not and really frightened about whats going on thanks

girliefriend Wed 12-Oct-11 20:52:54

oh dear no real help im afraid but didn't want to read and run!

He is still very little and just sounds immature, did he go to preschool or anything?

Tgger Thu 13-Oct-11 18:59:01

Boo! What do his school say and how was he at nursery/pre-school? Is it the change to all day reception that has freaked him out or was he always "rather a handful" and is now in the spotlight?!

DeWe Thu 13-Oct-11 19:21:24

SOunds not dissimilar from my ds (4 in June). He's youngest of 3, reading fluently (ORT4), socially immature. He can share, but on his terms, so has been hitting out a bit, and has refused point blank to do some of the activities, particularly PE changing.

My ds has hearing problems which makes it hard for him, and if I talk to ENT they say his behaviour is typical however I feel he shouldn't be excused on this and they have to treat incidents with consequences. He has time out both at home and at school (I'm not punishing him for incidents at school, just saying we agreed to be consistant for both)

I don't think being at school full time from the start has helped.

What is helping him, is he has a book where they give him a face for every activity. So it might start of the day with "Carpet time good smile; Activities ok confused; playtime pushed other child; said sorry sad"
Then in the evening we can talk them through and I praise the good times, and discuss what he could do better for the bad times. Sometimes he explains what has happened (eg "I asked them not to move the car, and they did so I hit them and they stopped"hmm) so then I can point out that hitting them was not a good move and suggest maybe telling the teacher, or using another car etc. Often he hasn't got a reason that he can articulate.

It's also helpful because we can see flash points. Typically afternoons are worse (he's tired). Playtime/lunch times can be a problem (apparently this is typical of hearing problems due to the amount of noise). And PE lessons (haven't got a good reason out of him).

Other things have come up, such as last week there was one day he was terrible, worst day yet, and it turned out he had bad ringing in the ear (said a scary noise was following him).

Today he was Star of the Day (which I slightly had to grit my teeth as my older 2 would have been far further down that order due to always being good) but I've praised him to the skies and he's really proud of himself. Only thing is that often a really good day is averaged out by the next day, so I live in fear and trembling of tomorrow. grin

Personally I'd like to be able to separate out his hearing issues, just plain naughty/pushing boundries and any other issues. In reality that isn't easy.

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