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OMG the Screaming. Seriously. ::sob:: (sorry, longgg!)

(27 Posts)
NeumsyPeddie Wed 12-Oct-11 17:41:18

Ok, I have 2 yo ID twin girls. Actually they're almost 3. (December birthday!)

Anyway, background info: my older son is 11 and my Bonus Kid just turned 12 last week, and I have had BK in my life since he was 8.

The problem is that I do not remember my bio son being anything even remotely like as difficult as the girls are. I didn't know my Bonus Kid when he was this age, of course, but DH tells me he was nothing like this tough either. So we have no experience with this.

It's not so much defiance really, as they will listen, and do as they're told, and respond well to 123 Magic technique, which is how I've parented all four kids at every age and stage. (I still use 123 Magic with the big boys, and me just sticking two fingers up into the air still strikes fear into their hearts....lol!)

It's the girls constant unrelenting fighting with each other and the horrific high pitched Nazgul like shriek that accompanies almost every word they speak. For example, DD(C) was coloring at the table, and she dropped a crayon. (She couldn't pick it up herself as she was in a booster seat with a belt and couldn't get down. Rather than just saying "Mama, I dropped my crayon!" (I was sitting a foot away) it was this:

"MY-CRAYON-MY-CRAYON-MY-CRAYON-GET-IT-NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
...at a pitch and volume that could compete with a fire engine at full cry.

It's like this with Every. Single. Thing. And I'm not exaggerating. Plus they beat the abosolute SNOT out of each other over every single thing, screaming and howling all the while. It's gotten to the point that often if one of them even starts to walk toward the other, the other will immediately begin screaming. We've tried everything. We try not to interfere in arguing unless it gets physical, but the noise is just Godawful every minute of the day. Time outs for the screaming and physical fighting work for a few moments, but they just go right back to it within 10 minutes of getting off the naughty spot. I've tried ignoring it and saying calmly "I will answer you when you can speak politely to me without screaming." or "I will help you sort it out when you stop being nasty to each other." I've even resorted, on really bad days to wearing those soft earplugs that take the edge off the screams. (I know, I know. Crucify me...lol)

It's bad enough for me normally, obviously, as a SAHM but right now my DH is in Machester (we live in Newcastle) filming a TV pilot, and so I'm alone with it 24/7 for the next week. We normally use WWE Tag Out Technique, and when one of us has had it, we tag the other one, and leave the room for 15 minutes and the other one steps in until they can't handle any more, and so forth. But, with him not here, it's really just doing my head in. I feel sorry for my poor older boys because they are just getting to that age of having friends round for meals and things, and it embarrases me and them when the girls freak the hell out every 45 seconds with their friends are here.

I know the girls are probably being more like "average" two year olds, and that the older boys were probably an anomaly for being so calm, but I don't know where to go from here. If this TV pilot gets picked up, Dh could potentially be in Manchester 3 days each week, and still working the "day job" four other days. Its far enough that he can't commute, and I feel HORRIBLY guilty for almost hoping the show doesn't get picked up because I don't know how I'd deal with it.

I'm an american expat, so I don't have any family here (not that they'd help even if I did. They're all knuckleheads) and all my friends here work. I don't have a car, as we only have the one, and naturally he has to use it for work. My MIL works full time still, and I don't get on with her anyway, as she is one of these types who has favorites, and therefor she will only babysit or help out my youngest SIL and the rest of us have to go hang. So she's out.

I have one wonderful neighbor who's retired and a "confirmed Bachelor" and like a Grandpa to the kids, and he helps out when he can, but he also has obligations too, to his own sister, and his nieces and nephews because he helps them with babysitting too. So he can only help a limited amount.

I just don't know what to do. I really feel like if we could just get this screeching and horrible fighting under control, I could cope ok with the other things most 2 year olds do. (I won't even go into what happens when I try to get them to eat something, or go to the potty. They do it, but they make it as miserable for me as they can the whole time.)

Me and the two older boys are about to just check into The Priory, so any thoughts at all would be greatly welcomed.

Thanks,
Becky

Thirstysomething Wed 12-Oct-11 18:29:22

sympathy... don't have a clue what to do, except ignoring them until they do whatever they are doing without screaming? Which would be hell for a bit, but might work in the long run... maybe while your two older kids are at school. Sorry, no help but just wanted to sympathise. I don't have the screaming problem, but am constantly being pestered every blimming second of the day at the moment and might start screaming myself soon...

Thirstysomething Wed 12-Oct-11 18:31:01

I am so sorry, was being pestered (AM being pestered still) while typing and have just re-read your post and seen that you have tried the ignoring thing.
Dunno. Nursery????!!!!!
xx

NeumsyPeddie Wed 12-Oct-11 18:31:31

smile Thanks, Thirsty! smile

NeumsyPeddie Wed 12-Oct-11 18:32:25

LOL! I'm hoping that when they're eligible to start in January that there's two places open!!!!!! ::please God Please!::

SoupDragon Wed 12-Oct-11 18:38:53

I have only one DD (5) and she beats her older brothers up (10 and 12).
And shrieks.
I took next door's DD with us to school on a couple of occasions and OMG the noise from the back of the car was incredible.

I guess it must be a girl thing... The boys weren't like this. they bickered, yes, and fought but not so shriekingly.

RandomMess Wed 12-Oct-11 18:43:30

Sound proof rooms for time out, slightest noise, pick up dd and deposit in room?

I feel your pain, fortunately none of my 4 girls were shriekers, non-stop talking yes but not screaming.

Hopefully someone with more experience will come along.

NeumsyPeddie Wed 12-Oct-11 18:51:43

See, I wondered if it was a girl thing! It sounds like it may be partly that! Girls are nasty work, man. Seriously! Thanks everyone! Keep it coming! (And if you think it's something I/we are doing wrong dont be afraid to say so! I can totally take it! I have my Big Girl Pants on. ;D)

SoupDragon Wed 12-Oct-11 19:03:55

Well, you can never really apply generalisations but my DSs are wired fundamentally differently to DD that's for sure.

RandomMess Wed 12-Oct-11 19:05:44

I wonder if you'd get better advice on a twin forum/thread. I think having both of them competing for everything in this way is part of the issue. I had 3 of my girls in 3 years but no sreeching like that confused

NeumsyPeddie Wed 12-Oct-11 20:23:16

yeah......about the major twin forums? I've had some experience with the Big Three, and man, they'll eat you alive in there. Holy cow. I left all three of those forums because I couldn't handle the drama and politics. Is there a seperate twin thread on here? (I'm a newb here.)
I'm sure youre right to a large degree about competition. We try as much as possible to make sure we have two of most things, but we can't, of course do it with everything. And there can be two identical items sitting side by side and they will fight over the one that the other sister has. ::sigh::

SouthGoingZax Wed 12-Oct-11 21:54:36

Hi,
I have 2 year old twin boys.

Yes. The screaming. We don't get it all the time (huge sympathy there) but I know what you mean when it does happen.

We find things much easier if we can get out of the house. We've done bulb-planting, apple picking, blackberry picking, soft play and shopping at the supermarket in the past week. The noise seems less noisy out in the open.

Our big nightmare began about a week ago when they both climbed out of their cots. Since the move to 'big boy beds' either DH or I have to sit in there until they are both asleep or the room is trashed.

And our two are pretty good, in general.

So my advice would be to keep them in cots as long as you can. And invest in some earplugs!

SouthGoingZax Wed 12-Oct-11 21:55:12

Just read you already have earplugs
grin

naturalbaby Wed 12-Oct-11 22:04:10

i only have 1 2yr old, and a boy but my ears are still ringing from the screaming and shouting today and everyday so i feel half your pain. my 3yr old never screamed like this but he grew out of his terrible 2's a good few months ago so i just keep telling myself it'll stop soon. he's started shoving his big brother and hitting baby brother over the head. then throws his arms around me for the soppiest cuddles and kisses once i've finished telling him off. just a couple more weeks till we find out if he's got a pre-school place.
please!! let it stop soon?!?

colditz Wed 12-Oct-11 22:04:55

A plant mister full of iced water. Screaming = squirt of icy mist to the face every single time.

RandomMess Wed 12-Oct-11 22:40:45

There is a multiple birth topic and I think their general chat thread always starts with

Do you ever wonder....

They are a friendly and welcoming bunch I believe!

Perhaps just wear your ipod as much as possible and walk off everytime they start up??????? <<clueless>>

NeumsyPeddie Thu 13-Oct-11 12:04:26

Colditz: HAhahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! grin grin That is the first time today I've genuinely laughed out loud. -

So, thanks gang. I've kind of taken a "research" stance today, and every time they flip out I go through a mental checklist to see if it's anything that could be remedied by the following:
-Do they need a snack?
-A drink?
-a change/the potty?
-are they hurt?
-are they bored?
-or, are the just pissed off with the whole phenomenon of being two?

If it's any of the first five, I try to help. If it's the last one I just shove the earplugs in a little deeper, eye the wine bottle and dream of bedtime. I'm still only intervening if they are being physical, otherwise I'm trying to stay out of it. I guess all I can do is hunker down and wait it out? Ugh. (The first time I saw I miss them when they're in school, you guys are all allowed to rock up in a van, kidnap me out to countryside and smack me around a bit....lol.

toddlerama Thu 13-Oct-11 12:12:16

I only have 1 2yr old, but boy can she scream and tantrum. Her sister (4) was never like this. The one thing that stood out was that you're strapping them in high chairs so they scream for you to pick up their stuff. My Dd2 only seems happy when she doing stuff for herself (however craply) so try giving then slightly more autonomy maybe? They should be able to climb down from a chair, pick up a crayon and climb back up. I think without these little victories they do get frustrated. Don't know if if would work for you but to diffuse dd2, any small job where she feels grown up helps. Collect the post when it comes, turn the tap in for me in the kitchen, stir the salad etc. grin

toddlerama Thu 13-Oct-11 12:13:27

I think I like colditz's suggestion better grin

NeumsyPeddie Thu 13-Oct-11 12:28:01

Yeah, I know what you mean-makes total sense, toddlerama! The booster seat is about the only time they're restrained. It was probably a bad example, as we do let them choose their clothes, dress themselves, and we try to give them choices whenever we can. We bake together alot, etc. Its mostly them fighting with each other. Ugh. Little boogers. grin (Colditz suggestion is fabulous isn't it??? LOL, I'm still laughing!)

toddlerama Thu 13-Oct-11 12:33:01

DD2 just threw her sandwiches across the kitchen because they were already cut confused

LiegeAndLief Thu 13-Oct-11 12:42:37

I have a five yo (yes, five, you'd think he'd have grown out of it by now) ds who is a screamer. He is much better now but my god was he awful when he was about 3ish. I think in his case it all stems from frustration - this morning he was screaming because he couldn't get his sock on properly, rather than just asking someone to come and help. It gets a lot worse when he is tired or hungry and when he was 3 it seemed absolutely constant.

I'm afraid I don't have any answer - I have always tried to respond by calmly pointing out that I can't understand what he wants when he screams (I also pretend I can't understand when I can if he is wailing or screaming at me) and that I will help him when he can talk to me in a normal voice. To be honest though, this didn't work very well when he was younger. I feel your pain! Must be horrendous in stereo!

earlyriser Thu 13-Oct-11 12:55:24

When they do go to nursery, would it be possible for one twin to go to the morning session and the other to the afternoon one? Not sure what the arrangements are, but then you get some time alone with each of them (but not totally to yourself, hmmm).

Divide and conquer? grin

Kenny10 Thu 13-Oct-11 13:20:52

hi Neumsypeddie sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I dont have twins ( a 3year old and 1 year old which brings its own issues) but i certainly recall a friend with twins being horrified at their violence to each other and wondering how they would ever turn into civilised human beings. I would talk with her about my ds1 biting/beating other children but her only experience was her twins biting/beating/shouting at each other. suppose it makes sense. you are experiencing all the time what us parents of singletons might get to experience only on playdates. Think what amazing parenting skills you will have at the end of it.smile (not that you havent already) Good luck, the screaming is so tough to deal with i know.

NeumsyPeddie Thu 13-Oct-11 13:27:31

toddlerama: are you sure you're not at my house? lol...

LeigeandLief: Thanks grin Xxxx

earlyriser: GMTA, because that is exactly what we're planning on trying to do!!

Kenny: send your friend some wine and chocolate, lol, and thanks for the lovely words. :D

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