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Is she shy or stubborn?

(7 Posts)
bellbutton Wed 12-Oct-11 14:09:14

My DD is nearly 3.
If an adult looks at her or tries to talk to her she will immediatley withdraw ,head down, frown and say NO!. If she draws at home and we praise her she does the same?.
I am slightly worried now as she is at playgroup now and although talks positivley to us about going she will not join in the activities like drawing,(Point blank refuses with a hands down NO). Insists on sitting on the knee of her choosen playworker at singing/story time.
They have spoken to me about her un cooperativeness and I am not sure how to deal with it ("she needs to start saying yes NOT no")
Is there anyone out there with a similar issue???

pramsgalore Wed 12-Oct-11 22:40:13

my dd also 3 [well nearly] hates everyone, refuses to look at them, talk to them, go near them, including grandparents. she starts nursery after xmas and i have no idea how she will get on. i have had the same parent say hello to her most days since she was sat up in a pushchair and she has never said anything to her or smiled just looked away, but at home as long as its only us [dp, me and siblings she is chatty and happy] have not got a clue why she is like this

RainySmallHands Sat 15-Oct-11 02:25:31

Bumping, as this sounds very similar to my 4 yo.

Parietal Sat 15-Oct-11 04:58:10

I think refusing to engage with unfamiliar adults is fairly common in 3 yr olds, especially ones who haven't been to nursery or got used to multiple carers. It is a bit like selective mutism, which my DD has shown at times. It is an anxiety-related thing which is worse when the child feels under pressure.

One option could be to just ignore the refusals. Don't force the child to join in, don't force her to talk / reply, don't insist on anything. Just let her watch the activities, and if she does make a move towards interacting, don't make a fuss or praise too much. Keep everything low key. It may take a week or two, but once she is familiar & relaxed with the people & situation, she will join in. But too much pressure to take part might make her anxious and not help.

RainySmallHands Sat 15-Oct-11 13:49:54

YY, Parietal. That is my current strategy as DD clams up totally if there is any pressure at all. Even the expectations of adults she has known all her life, and other children, seem to make her anxious.

LynetteScavo Sat 15-Oct-11 13:55:40

DS1 was very much like this, and I agree with Parietal.

He was 4 before he replied "hello" to an adult he's never met before...DH and I were shock.

It's brilliant that she talks positively about playgroup, and feels comfortable with her playworker. Give her time, patience and a bit of space and she'll join in in her own time. smile

bellbutton Mon 24-Oct-11 13:54:00

Thank you all for taking the time to reply.. smile)

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