Type of birth and childs personality(22 Posts)
I have been wondering about this a lot and wondered how the two are linked
DS1 was induced /epidudral then emergency cesarien and hasnt stopped crying/whinging since birth a bit as if he is still saying he is unhappy that we took him out when he wasnt ready yet
DS2 was 7 days late, no pain relief, normal delivery and is very calm, always slept well, always happy
Expecting DC3 now so I cant help but wonder
What is your experience?
I don't think they are necessarily linked at all, sorry!
But I imagine that if mom had a rough time with the birth, she starts her external relationship with the child on a bad footing (too exhausted/tired/traumatised/etc.), and that may well impact how well they interact long term.
As for anecdotes: I had the roughest birth experience with DC3 of 4 who has turned out to be my most challenging child ...... but I thought he was an easy baby (the best sleeper) and toddler (just seemed to slot in, no bother), he only became difficult after about 5yo.
I agree with ragged. Could it be that you were calmer with your second baby because you knew what to expect?
I could say the opposite.
Dd1 I had 30hr labour, ended up with an epidural, episiotomy (sp?)... and was the calmest baby ever. Mind you she slept thrpugh most of the labour. She opened her eyes when out, looked round once and went back to sleep.
DD2 had TENS machine and some gas and air, calm birth... she screamed for 2 solid hours after coming out, and I ended up carrying her round in a sling most of the day to keep her happy.
I suspect it's personality of the child.
I agree with ragged too.
For my first I had an epidural, failed forceps and then an emergency C/S. He turned out to be the calmest sleepiest baby. Pretty much just slept and fed for the first few weeks. (although is now the busiest most fearless toddler)
Although i'd imagine if the birth was very traumatic/painful for little one if could set up a negative cycle of poor feeding and difficulty sleeping compounded my maternal distress
Hmm, my experience ties in with yours OP - but this may just be coincidence, or as suggested the result of my experience rather than my babies'.
DS1 was born by EMCS after failed forceps and a generally traumatic labour. He spent time in SBCU so had a difficult first few weeks as well as a difficult birth. He was a fractious and wakeful baby and is still a fairly hard work toddler (happy, generally, but demanding and highly strung).
DS2 was born by elective CS, all very calm. He has been a joy as a baby - very settled, generally a good sleeper, no bother at all.
DD was born by EMCS after 3.5 day traumatic labour. She was 12 days overdue.
But she was such a good baby. Slept through at 8 weeks. Fed like a dream. Hardly ever cried unduly.
She was an awful toddler though
<sits on the fence>
I think it is chils personality had emergency caesarean after DH been sent home for night as induction sis not work DD had been born by the time Dh arrived but she was good sleeping baby still very contented though adventurous but i think its personality not birth type, though children do pick up on negative vibes both Dh and I were happy with birth as she was small and distressed so waiting for DH or not having ECS could have meant a still birth so for me it made no difference,. however, that said i knew a lot about medical/surgical side so i did not find thought of rushing to theatre scary just wanted DD to be ok and thankfuilly she was
Discussing PND on radio the other day, some psychologist came on saying that the baby might sense mother's extra needs and become an extra "good" baby in response, sleeping a lot and being very good-natured & undemanding.
Which personally I thought was.a.load.of.tosh. Sorry, we love the little leeches, but they aren't inherently sympathetic to other people's needs, you either luck out with a relatively easy one or you don't, methinks. If anything, I imagine someone with severe PND and an extra good baby would feel extra awful about it, along the lines of "how can I feel so bad when my baby is so good?"
DD was induced /epidudral then emergency caesarien (4 days in all!) and is not whingy at all and is quite a pleasant child.
I am certain that my son would not have survived my pre eclampsia if he hadn't been very strong willed and determined.
stubborn little bugger
Ds1 was a home water birth, positively idyllic - and then proceeded to scream non-stop for 6 months (he had really bad reflux).
Ds2 another dream birth - poor sleeper, very full on baby but now quite a delightful toddler.
Dread to think what my babies might have been like with a difficult birth
Second babies are often more placid - just because the parents are more competent, more confident, know what they're doing and so are less stressed.
All of mine quite similar births - one induced, but all quite straightforward. All very different characters.
48h labour, epidural, episiotomy, forceps, PPH. Lovely happy baby!
My 2 were the opposite aswell.
DS1 was an emcs after 24 hour labour which did not progress - he has always been a happy, settled (if hyper) boy.
DS2 was an elcs at 39 weeks - so everything was very calm etc, i wasn't exhausted (as I had been with DS1)...he is very grumpy and spends a lot of his time whinging Although maybe the OP has hit the nail on the head that he still hasn't forgiven us (3 years later) for pulling him out when he wasn't ready lol.
You sound like you have a very typical first child/second child scenario there.
However dd1 was breech and refused to turn even at the ECV - she's always been ridiculously strong willed and known her own mind so I do wonder if we start seeing their personalities before they are born.
I haven't found personality a static thing after birth either.
Ds (early induction, emergency caesarian) was a placid baby and a sunny compliant toddler, but is not very high in confidence as a pre-teen.
Dd (slightly early induction, vaginal birth) was a difficult baby to feed, high maintenance toddler, but is quite a pleasant mature teen- though still very high maintenance.
Long latent phase labour, but good vaginal birth - 3 hours after i went into hospital. DS is exceptionally happy and content and slept A LOT when he was little. My parents used to worry there might be something wrong with him he slept so much. At 10.5 months his personality is outgoing, curious, strong willed and determined but still a pleasure to be around for the most part (his tantrums, when they happen, are pretty spectacular though). My personal theory is that he was a born survivor and will always be very determined. I had PCOS, took almost 3 years to conceive and, when i did, had spotting and bleeding for the first couple of weeks. I just always had a feeling that this little one would pull through, despite the scare at the start. From then on in, i had a very normal and very happy pregnancy too.
Ok ok youve convinced me
Id really like to know when they start to form their personalities though
must be while in the womb.
I disagree with people who say typical 1st/2nd child as DS1 just screamed and screamed and screamed as soon as he was born and DS2 just slept and said nothing so much I thought something was wrong with him in the morning.
In one occasion I was given a screaming baby, the next time round, they gave me a baby that didnt cry No input from myself. It is not the case of me being more relaxed or knowing what to do. I feel it was all decided in advance!
Im just scared of having another difficult baby. I coped ok with DS1 because I only had him to take care of but I will have two other DCs to take care of when DC3 arrives Theres no way I will be able to deal with a Velcro newborn, a Velcro toddler and a regular toddler.
I think we get very involved in the birth process (of course we do!) and then, seeing it at the centre of everything, tend to project a lot.
Dd - late induction, em cs was a fantastic baby - slept and ate at regular intervals, ate anything put in front her of once weaned, rarely gave me any bother. As a toddler she had violent tantrums though. Now she is 7, is lovely most of the time, can be very kind and helpful, and is doing very well at school. But my, is she stubborn! And she is a master negotiator/manipulator. And a dead fussy eater.
Obviously she takes after
me her father.
tostaky, I'm also very about 'typical 1st and 2nd born' comments.
Ds (dc3) hardly made a noise for his first month. People spoke of his 'calm aura'.
<weeps with memory as the very same toddler now trashes the living room>
It was a very easy birth (waters stayed in tact throughout, so no pressure on his head), but he didn't know that he had older siblings.
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