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Not got the first clue about discipline

(12 Posts)
iarebaboon Mon 10-Oct-11 14:21:21

I must have been lucky so far that I've not had need to discipline DS who is 2 and 3 mths, but today he stamped on another child shock

I had NO idea what ti do, I held each arm so he couldn't run away and said firmly 'that is very naughty, do not do that. Say sorry to friend'

He ignored the first bit and refused to say sorry

With hindsight perhaps I shouldn't have tried to get him to say sorry when it was unlikely he would thus he 'won'

What should I have said / done? I was all flustered and confused and gave a really bad impression to the other Childs parent, plus DS didn't seem to take on board the telling off, he was a bit oblivious.

Help. I can't have a badly behaved child, which I'll end up with at this rate

Jojo0070 Mon 10-Oct-11 18:11:01

Aaah I think you did well there - the other parent will have noticed you were concerned about their child. The other parent will understand, she'll have been there - all kids are the same. Your son's only a baby, but as long as you try to explain to your son how the other child feels, then there's not much more you can do. Hey wait till he hits 3, 4, and 5 yrs ouch!! now that's when you'll wanna know about dicipline - good luck x

Wellthen Mon 10-Oct-11 18:49:52

Jojo I kind of disagree. Baboon did a great job showing that this behaviour is not acceptable but I dont think explaining how people feel will do anything. He's two, he doesn't really see that other people have feelings, even if he did theres no reason for him to care about them.

Certainly explaining that its naughty because it hurts other people is very important as the older he gets the more he will understand this message. But, to stop the behaviour there needs to be a consequence. He won't do it again because when he does, something he doesn't like happens! This goes for any behaviour you don't like. What you did sounds fine - making him apologise or not is up to you but remember that you may be getting into a battle if you do. Be prepared to punish him if he refuses to apologise. Other than the apology I think the important thing is 'if you do this again...' and then to act on it if he does!

I would have said 'That is very unkind! You must never stamp on people and if you do we will have to go home/you will have a 2 minute time out' For two year olds (up to at least 7) there needs to be an instant consequence - don't say 'there will be no pudding tonight' as this will mean nothing and by the time pudding comes round he'll have forgotten all about the stamping.

Remember: he's 2! You CAN control him even when he's screaming, kicking and you're dying of embarasment/desperation. INSIST he does his punishment, even if it takes hours! It is definately worth it if, as you say, you don't want a badly behaved child.

iarebaboon Mon 10-Oct-11 20:00:05

Thanks for that it's really helpful.

So timeout, we weren't at home do I just take him to one side and hold him there for a couple of minutes not speaking? If I let go he will wander off so I gave to stay with him right? Until he gets what timeout is

girliefriend Mon 10-Oct-11 20:08:58

I would have taken him outside the room and told him what you told him, ime it has more impact if you remove them from the situation. Once you had told him, I would have said when we go back inside you need to say you are very sorry and if you can't do that we will go home.

Wellthen Mon 10-Oct-11 20:22:10

If timeout is something you normally do at home then I think you could just sit him on the floor for two mins. Prob worth sitting with him but I wouldn't hold him. Him sitting on your knee and struggling isn't doing a timeout to my mind.

If you don't do timeout at home then some other sanction, or as poster above says, just a warning that you will go home. Remember you HAVE to go home if he does it again!

Tgger Mon 10-Oct-11 20:23:37

I think you did well.

Saying sorry is a good idea, but hard to insist on when they're this young. The main thing is tell him off in a stern voice so he definitely realises it's wrong- and keep the message clear, "No hitting, we do not hit", or "No stamping/no hurting, you hurt x, (your friend)". Previous poster is right- not much point in going into details about other child as they have little empathy at this age and you will just confuse the message.

I think a clear telling off that they are paying attention to (you hold them if necessary) is enough- especially on first offence, then say, if you do that again then x- either you go home or if you don't want to go home something like you will have to sit with Mummy for however long.

He is still quite young, but discipline certainly kicks in from about this age and is easier if you start it early. Decide what works for you- for this age is still pretty young, but you are starting to set expectations of behaviour.

One last thought- did you see why he stamped? Was he angry due to toys not being shared or something? Between now and 3/4 is classic time for toddlers to lash out when toys are grabbed etc and it's tricky to deal with.

diyvspse Mon 10-Oct-11 21:29:42

I'm just reading a book on toddler discipline called 'Positive Discipline' which says there's no point enforcing a 'naughty step' type time out until a child is about 3.5 or 4.
A relief for me, as I can't get my 20mo to sit still.
Still reading but one of the points of the book seems to be that actions speak louder than words where toddlers are concerned & it's better to act rather than talk through a discipline problem.

I'm in the eye of a tantrum storm at the moment. At a restaurant brunch on the weekend I was mortified to have my DH's relative apologise to the next table for all the disruption my DS caused. Mortified. She's childless though.

iarebaboon Mon 10-Oct-11 21:47:22

Thanks all for your thoughts. It's tough isn't it? Although I have so far been very lucky, for the most part he is a kind and gentle thing.

Nothing prompted the stamp. We had been doing an activity, I was chatting to other Childs mother, her dc was lying on the floor minding his own business. My dc wandered over, stomped on the other kid and said 'stamp'. Tbh I'm not sure he had any idea at all that he would hurt the other child. They get on well, there had been ^no tension between them. But it did make me realise that I had ^no idea how to deal with it

At home I tend to ignore bad behavior (winging and whining about silly things is about as bad as it's ever been, ie 'don't want green cup, want blue cup, grizzle grizzle') and praise good but I'm not sure if this is the right approach with children, it's what you fo with dogs grin

menopausemum Mon 10-Oct-11 22:15:51

Sounds like you are generally doing a good job. From your description I don't think he knew he was doing anything wrong and you certainly made him understand that it was. at 2, time out should be about being ignored for 1 or two minutes, turn away from him, keep your face motionless and don't communicate, even if you have to hold him from running away at the same time. This is a serious punishment for a young child who relies on you for constant attention and approval so keep it very short and only use for serious transgressions like deliberately hurting someone else. Afterward, move on, don't dwell on it. You say you use praise for good behaviour, this is the best 'weapon' against unacceptable behaviour and you've obviously got it right as he is so well behaved in general.

diyvspse Tue 11-Oct-11 22:00:57

Funny menopausemum - my mother suggested that to me a few days ago (she went so far as to say I should tell DS I was going to ignore him) - sounded so harsh! In an instant it took me back to my own childhood. Not that I remember my mother saying that to me, but she would go ice cold if we ever transgressed!

menopausemum Wed 12-Oct-11 14:18:48

oh dear! - sounds awful put like that 'ice cold' but you have to get through to them when they are young or you just have it to do later and the longer you leave it the harder it gets. I doubt you will have any trouble - he sounds fine.

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