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DD lying a lot

(6 Posts)
jands Sun 09-Oct-11 12:36:10

Please help! DD is 5.25, with 1 yo sister. Since baby started becoming "more interesting" (doing things for herself, copying, crawling) 5yo started acting up more, acting like a baby etc - all of which expected and, whilst irritating, is understandable. We assume she'll grow out of it shortly?

Our main problem is that she's lying about everything. She started before her sister was born and I know it's a useful developmental thing, but how do we discourage it without her learning to lie so brilliantly we can't detect it?

We've tried sending her to her room/naughty step, I got her to write "I must not tell lies" 20 times (and felt like that witch out of Harry Potter!), we've tried explaining how the other person might feel, we've cancelled treats etc. If we let her get away with it/ignore it, I worry it'll get worse, if we punish all the time I'm afraid she'll never want to confess when she's done something wrong.

Any ideas please?

whenIgetto3 Sun 09-Oct-11 16:47:58

wow your DD and mine (4) should get together. Since starting school DD has started lying about everything, including an elaborate one to DSs friends (DS moved school this year) that he was in a wheel chair after a horrible skating accident and was probably going to loose his leg, I had 4 parents phone me to ask how he was before I got the whole story, 1 child couldn't sleep she was so worried about my DS.

She lies about everything from if she has brushed her teeth to who made a mess in the playroom. We have tried reward charts, naughty step, talking to etc the same as you. Now I am down to every time she lies, no matter how tiny, then she gets to loose 1 toy into a box that she can see. It only works when I take her favourite toy. Other than that I would say it is about being consistent and spending as much time as possible with her. Did it get worse when she went back to school? My DD told me she tries hard to be good all day at school and can't carry it on when she gets home as it is hard work and she is worn out at the end of the day grin

SouthernandCross Sun 09-Oct-11 16:53:38

It's normal for this age. She's not being bad, she's trying to please you/tell you something. And then once she's been punished a few times, she's started to lie to avoid punishment.
Good Advice here

Putrifyno Sun 09-Oct-11 16:59:12

My dd went through a real stage of this. I just reiterated (over and over) the importance of telling the truth to me - to keep her safe, and to be able to trust her. I warned that she would always get in WORSE trouble for lying, that for whatever else she did. She is 7 now - and is still a bit prone to over exaggeration - but she had learnt that I find out if she tells a big fat fib.

jands Mon 10-Oct-11 19:16:52

Thanks guys. I'd have to say that most of the lying comes from exaggeration of something (I did it TEN times, someone wasn't in school today because they were ill etc) rather than she's been caught doing something she shouldn't. I guess we just have to wait for her to grow out of it. And yes,whenIgetto3, it does tend to be worse now that she's gone back to school after the Summer but I figured that was as much to do with fatigue as it was to do with the knowledge that when I leave her at school, I'll be spending the day with her sister! Thanks SouthernandCross for the advice page!
Always good to know that whether things are good or bad, at least your child is NORMAL!!!!

Tgger Mon 10-Oct-11 20:30:42

Sounds quite normal to me!

Did she have a "lying phase" before this? Just asking as DS had a real phase about 6 months ago or so when he was 4 and a bit, but doesn't do it hardly at all any more (almost 5). Do you point out the lies to her? I found pointing out the lies in a rather bored/disintersted voice worked quite well. I think it's important for them to know that you know their reality isn't the reality that most of us experience. Eg if someone is "ill" and they're not you say to her "Well, that's not actually true is it. If I go and ask Mrs x (form teacher) if said child was here today they will tell me that they were".

It gets very tedious is you unpick every lie like this, but important to do it for the big ones (or enough to show you know she's lieing).

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