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DS (7) music lessons and tantrum, help!

(7 Posts)
solidgoldbrass Wed 05-Oct-11 18:02:14

I am not a mad pushy mother insisting... DS wanted to learn to play the trumpet. He has wanted to learn all summer, and my friend E is happy to have him as a pupil (she is a music teacher) we were just waiting for his front teeth to grow back.
Anyway, first lesson was Monday and he loved it, wildly excited by the whole business and very pleased with himself. E advised us to hire a trumpet for him to practice on, and DS was keen to go and look in the music shops today.
Until we were halfway into town, then he suddenly started stamping his feet and insisting that he didn't want to learn the trumpet, didn't want music, hates music, etc etc. I tried to get him to explain what the problem was all of a sudden, got nowhere, so said we would go and look in the shop anyway. He stropped all the way down there and in fact the shop I had in mind has closed down. So he stropped all the way back, and when I said fine, I would cancel all his lessons, he started crying. But THEN all the way home I had alternate singsong chanting of 'I love music, I love music, I hate music I hate music' until I told him that I would not hear another word on the subject and that we were not discussing it.

DOes anyone else have kids that do this sort of thing? I am sure a big chunk of it is contrariness as a way of attention-seeking, and he used to do it when younger (I want a drink. No I don't want it, take it away, take it away NOW...Where's my drink, I want a drink).
If so, how do you cope?

solidgoldbrass Wed 05-Oct-11 20:36:44

And now he says he wants a green trumpet. So I have showed him that such things exist, which seems to have set him thinking...

I would like him to have at least a couple more lessons as I think he will gain from learning to play an instrument and also he was so enthusiastic on Monday (and that was after the lesson not before).

Tgger Wed 05-Oct-11 20:47:37

Ah, I'm sensing cold feet. The whole trumpet playing and getting instrument expedition a bit too exciting and somehow he's scared of the whole business (maybe failing?) so decides to throw a wobbly instead rather like a much younger child as you say.

Why don't you tell him calmly that you'd like him to have x number of lessons (6 I reckon) before deciding whether it's for him or not- you need a certain number really to get going.

I get this behaviour from my nearly 3 year old and hints of it from DS nearly 5. DS was a bit like this about starting tennis coaching after school. To start with seemed very keen then said he didn't want to do it. In the end I just decided he was doing it (he'd really enjoyed it over the summer and chatted loads about it), told him he was doing it and privately to myself thought "we'll see how it goes". So far going well!
Good luck!

solidgoldbrass Wed 05-Oct-11 22:18:37

Thanks, I think the same. DS is also a bit inclined to give up on things he can't do, which is not great. I have talked to him tonight and said that he's going to have a couple more lessons at least and see what happens - obviously I'm not going to make him keep at it endlessly if he's really unhappy.

LizzieMo Thu 06-Oct-11 10:54:46

I think you set an amount, as Tgger says- say 6 lessons to get a real feel for it. Explain to him that those lessons have been paid for and so you expect him to go to them. After that he can choose. I always insist on this with my children, if they sign up to a certain amount of lessons, they have to see it through. I see it as teaching them about making committments. I would speak to your friend as well, as a music teacher she has probably seen this before and may have some tips.

GumballCharm Thu 06-Oct-11 11:09:16

My DD is like this! She loves sewing and so I found a kids sewing class...on the way there she FREAKED out! Wouldn't go. Very disspointng!

In retrospect I wish I had made her go.

ohthejoys Thu 13-Oct-11 10:21:44

I am so pleased to hear someone else's experiences that mirror mine over the last few weeks. DD 6 3/4's has gone back to dance lessons (which she has been doing for a year) after summer holidays having been asked if she wanted to continue before we spent a fortune on new shoes etc only to misbehave at every lesson! When asked if she wants to stop says no and then played up again! So have cut down to one lesson which she said she did want to continue as it was the most fun but still disrupts the lesson and won't co- operate! Have tried another activity which she loves so thats good but overall neagtive attitude to things is worrying. Even after a lovely day out for her friends birthday during which I saw how much she enjoyed it all, got home and told her dad that it was rubbish!! Ask her the best thing about ..... and she says " The worst thing was....!" Am really hoping its just an age thing and they will grow out of it! Trying to be really positive and make her focus on the positive and ignore the negative but it's very hard work!! Nice to know I'm not alone in treading on eggshells!

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