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My 9 year old daughter is lying

(4 Posts)
theicepopqueen Wed 05-Oct-11 12:02:31

Hi my dd has started lying on a regular basis, usually to get out of trouble. I have always encouraged both my dds to tell the truth and that I will be cross if they lie. I do tell my children off for doing the wrong thing and I do get cross and shout but I do not, and never have hit, my children. For an example, my dd has lied about attending a lunch time club that we pay for and she says she enjoys, I only realised she had lied because the teacher asked if she wanted to carry on as she had missed the weekly session. On discussion with my dd she says she has lied because she did not want to get in to trouble and I explained that she is now in more trouble than she would have been had she told the truth. This morning when brushing her hair I noticed that she has cut her hair, I was cross and asked her why and when she had done it. She explained that she had got a small comb stuck in her hair last night and had not wanted to tell us so went to the bathroom and used nail scissors to cut it out and hid her hair. She now has a very short tuft at the front of her hair - which is long and all one length. I am devastated that she feels that she cannot come and talk to me or tell me if something is wrong.
Whilst reflecting on writing this I have realised that this has coincided with getting a new puppy, which is demanding a lot of attention. She seems to be happy at school and likes her new teacher. She gets on well with her younger sister (on the whole!).
My dh and I are at a loss as to what to do next. We have tried giving her a goal to aim for - Brownie Camp that she really wants to go to - but nothing seems to work. I would rather try the carrot approach not the stick.
If anyone has any suggestions I would be grateful, I am at a loss.
Thank you, sorry to put up such a long post.

Bramshott Wed 05-Oct-11 12:24:10

From the outside, I wonder if you are being too harsh/strict for her age/stage of development? To me (DD1 is 8.5), snipping off a bit of hair sounds like a reasonable response to getting something caught in it and not something I would choose to be 'cross' about - it's your DD who will have to live with the tuft as it grows out after all.

theicepopqueen Wed 05-Oct-11 13:16:10

Of course but what is hard for me is that she couldn't tell me.

KatharineClifton Wed 05-Oct-11 13:18:48

She is flexing her wings wrt the hair cutting. It's a good thing.

And she got caught out wrt the lunchtime club. Which is also a good thing.

Please don't be devastated that she doesn't tell you everything. It will happen more and more. This is natural.

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