Help please with my sons behaviour

[Bigchatter]

My 9 1/2 year old son is so sensitive and if makes assumptions about what other kids in his school are thinking about him. Also he doesnt seem able to handle other boys sense of humour. He tends to hang around with the girls and i have a feeling that is because he feels it is safer, although i may be wrong as i just cannot work out what is going on in his head. He was friendly with a couple of other boys for a long time and over the summer was playing constantly with one of them. On the return to school he seems to have being at odds with his two friends and tells me he is going to move on and find new ones. The boy who he played with over the summer is so laid back and easy going but he tells the wildest porkies which seems to upset my son and now he says he doesnt want to befriend him any more. The other friend kept telling both boys he was having a birthday treat and they were both invited then after a few weeks of talking about it announced that my son was invited to one part of his birthday and not the other then one day out of the blue, he announced that day that he was taking the other boy that day to the cinema and not my son. If it were as simple as my son had fallen out with his mates and moved on then fine but i cant help feeling that it is more than this. He now is very rude to his pal from the summer and blames him for taking the other boy away from him (which i cant understand as it is this boy who is upset that my son isnt friendly with him any more and it is the other boy who caused all the upset over the birthday) My son accuses me of trying to choose his friends for him but this is not the case, I am just worried that it is one chance and you are out with him and if someone is in his mind is mean to him on one occasion then they are off his christmas list forever. My other big worry is that he has a tendency to claim to know what the other person is thinking and will also make assumptions based on this. At home he is the most loving and cuddly boy you could hope to meet but i do worry that every time i pick him up at school he has a sullen, sad face. I hope this all makes sense and that someone can offer me some advice.

[jojomom]

I wish we could choose friends for our DC's! We can see what is healthier for them than what they seem to choose for themselves!

[Bigchatter]

Sorry jojomom if i waffled on a bit. I am not trying to choose his friends, you see we have been here before and he is very critical of others behaviour - 1 strike and your out and if he carries on with this attitude I am worried that he won't have any friends left. I have tried to chat with him about the fact that nobody is perfect. Today he told me that his pal was really mean because he told a lie. His sister did reply that all people cannot be perfect and if she judged her pals like that she wouldnt have any but he just lost his temper with her and called her a suck up.

[jojomom]

It may be that you have to keep pointing out to him what you have described in your post. That nobody is perfect. Repeatedly point out that if others judged and condemned him the way he judges and condemns others he will be lonely. He obviously has high standards that he expects others to maintain, explain to him this is unrealistic. I bet that when he is older his relationships will be amazingly strong but he needs to accept that nobody is perfect, especially nine year old boys.