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How to stop DD1 clobbering DD2

(8 Posts)
TrinaLuciusMalfoy Mon 26-Sep-11 16:53:48

DD1 is 3. And exhausting feisty. She adores DD2 (8wks) - but shows this by hugging really tight, lying on top of her, hitting, pulling her feet or hands when we're holding on to her and scratching her head. Sometimes she can be really gentle - but it's rare and it's driving me crazy. The main problem is when I'm trying to feed DD2, DD1 will pull at her head and has this obsession with trying to cover her eyes with her hand (pressing down really hard) - and obviously when I'm feeding I can't just get up and remove us both from the situation. I've tried repeating 'this too shall pass' to myself - but it's been going on a long time. Before DD2 arrived, I was the target instead. DH is never the target and that is driving me crazier than any of it.

I have tried: naughty step, calm voice telling off, nasty voice telling off, total ignore, calm voice gently explaining why it's wrong, crying, shouting, reward charts, returning whatever she's done by doing it to her, threats, voodoo and sacrificing goats to the great Pachachuti. (ok maybe not the last two, but I'm getting close).

At the end of my tether now. Have looked at every advice site I can find and everything they can suggest, I've tried. The other idea - just give it more time - is a nonsense, this has been going on for MONTHS with no sign of changing or diminishing. If anything it's getting worse. She starts pre-school on Thursday and I'm dreading picking her up and being told she's been beating up the other children and she can't come back. The idea of those 15 hours a week 'off' are the only thing keeping me going at the moment sad

Suggestions. PLEASE.

SouthernandCross Mon 26-Sep-11 17:14:32

This is my favourite parenting site.
Searching for 'hitting' or 'new baby' will throw up some ideas you might find useful.

TrinaLuciusMalfoy Mon 26-Sep-11 18:29:49

Nothing new that I can see - all comes under 'calmly explaining why you shouldn't hit' sad

Anyone else?

butterflyexperience Mon 26-Sep-11 18:44:40

Does she socialise with other children much?
Maybe she needs to learn skills from her peers on how to behave with other children.
Preschool maybe great for her and staff will pull her up on any unwanted behaviour.
If speak to the preschool staff before hand and let them know what your going through and how they would deal with it at preschool you can carry on the same procedure at home.
Your dd may need to learn boundaries if that makes sense.

TrinaLuciusMalfoy Mon 26-Sep-11 23:36:34

Not much since I went on maternity leave - couldn't afford to keep sending her to nursery when I wasn't working, and it was too far from home to bother with either. So it's been nearly 5 months with not much socialisation aside from her little sister and the kids at toddler groups. Like I say, she starts pre-school this week and I'm REALLY hoping a little time away from boring old me might make the difference!

Honestly don't know what else I can do to impose/explain the boundaries though sad

butterflyexperience Tue 27-Sep-11 08:33:20

Do you do playdates?
One on one play with other children would help with boundaries

TrinaLuciusMalfoy Tue 27-Sep-11 09:14:13

I don't know anyone with a child her age unfortunately - something else that I hope preschool might remedy!

butterflyexperience Tue 27-Sep-11 13:50:47

How about meeting a mum through mumsnet local in your area?
I think your dd needs to build a friendship so she can learn boundaries, preschool will help but you then need to reinforce

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