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6 YO DD lying about stuff at school - trying to please?

(4 Posts)
BirdyBedtime Mon 26-Sep-11 12:04:41

Last week DD told us that she'd been chosen for the pupil council at school. Quite an elaborate story about how she'd been chosen and then on the following day about how she'd gone to the P1 classes and spoken to the children. All sounded very convincing. She also told us that she'd been picked to read out a story to everyone in class because she had sat nicely, listened and worked hard all week. Turns out that both things did happen, but just not to her! I'm concerned that she is (and always has been) a 'pleaser' and that our parenting has somehow encouraged this. But also I'm now sort of thinking that I can't believe anything she says about school and need to find a way to get beyond that. I've only found out today that she's been telling porkies so haven't spoken to her about it. Any tips for how to get to the bottom of things and stop this happening again?

An0therName Mon 26-Sep-11 14:23:48

Hmm - my DS - nearly 6 has started football and has been telling us that he scored loads of goals - later one when he is talking about it - he says I only actually scored one goal. I don't make a big thing of it really -
I would maybe try and a have a chat - bedtime can be good - something like - about school council - oh I heard it was so and so that got picked etc - and see what she says
sounds like its things that she would have liked to have happened
also and I think its hard but try and praise for effort not for achievment -

DeWe Mon 26-Sep-11 14:35:39

Dd2 did this at 6yo and still does sometimes (age 7). I think that she imagines it happening to her and how nice it would be, and then her imagination spurrs it on to be talked about as if it was real.

She does it for bad things as well as good things. You can usually find the germ of a truth in there, even if it's, as yours was, that it happened to someone else.

At 6yo it was quite hard to get her to admit they weren't true, now usually she'll return shortly afterwards and apologise and say it didn't really happen.

BirdyBedtime Mon 26-Sep-11 15:16:28

Thanks. I think it's been driven by disappointment that it wasn't her as you suggest DeWe. She is really bright and wants to be popular too but you can't have everything (hard for a 6 year-old to understand). We are planning to sit her down tonight and say that we've found out that she hasn't told us the truth about something and let her tell us (hopefully). I know what her reaction will be though - she'll cry and cry and say she's so so sorry and doesn't know why she did it, as that is her reaction to getting in trouble about anything. We do try really hard to praise the effort, and I would have been really proud of her for wanting to be involved in the pupil council regardless of whether she was actually voted in, but I find the school to be very praising of achievement which makes things difficult.

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