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Friend's kid acts unlike any I'#ve ever encountered

(17 Posts)
nethunsreject Sun 25-Sep-11 20:34:00

and I have encountered a lot of kids!

He's a nice enough wee lad and is in my son's class. They play away fine together. I am wondering if something is up with him as he has outbursts of uncontrollable anger which go on for 20-30 mins, and he has to be restrained at these times! (they are both 5) He is also very self concious, terrified of getting changed before games with the others and sooo upset and embarassed for a prolonged period if he falls down/any number of usual 5 yr old tumbles.

they have only the one kid and little experience of others, so they don't really see it, though I suspect now they are at school full time they might do. I am wondering what to do - I am avoiding them as tbh, I am genuinely concerned for my own kids' wellbeing as well as the wee boy himself.

DownbytheRiverside Sun 25-Sep-11 20:37:06

Have you ever encountered an individual with ASD?

nethunsreject Sun 25-Sep-11 20:40:48

Dh works with kids on the autistic spectrum, and suggested to me that he has mild Aspergers, based on my description. What is ASD?

nethunsreject Sun 25-Sep-11 20:43:01

Ah, googled it! Yy.

I've spent time around kids on the spectrum, but not with this particular presentation. But generally it has been when they are with their parent, not here with me on a play date type set up, where things are different I guess.

DownbytheRiverside Sun 25-Sep-11 20:43:52

Autistic Spectrum Disorder ASD
Autistic Spectrum Condition ASC
High Functioning Autism HFA
Asperger's Syndrome AS

Your reaction is common.

nethunsreject Sun 25-Sep-11 20:47:23

Thanks.

His parents seem genuinely unaware that his behaviour is out of the ordinary. Should I /can I do anything?

DownbytheRiverside Sun 25-Sep-11 20:52:51

Just help them and support them with your friendship if the school do pick up on anything. Because friends are the first things that children with difficult or challenging behaviour lose.

splatapus Sun 25-Sep-11 20:54:02

My son has Aspergers and that is very similar to what he was like at 5.

Has he always been like that though or do you think it may be the transition into school having an effect?

I wouldn't say anything to be honest if your friend doesn't raise it herself. Maybe you could say something like "Crikey this raising kids thing is bloomin' hard isn't it, <insert anecdote of something your LO has done lately>..." and then see if she responds with any worries of her own.

But other than that, if it ASD or something similar she will have a tough road ahead and will need a friend.

nethunsreject Sun 25-Sep-11 20:56:13

I will.

I think the school will pick up on it fairly quickly as they are a tiny school and pretty hot on this.

He's a nice kid and ds1 likes him a lot. They are the only 2 boys in his class.

I think if we meet up when me and his mum are there, things will be okay. But I am nervous whenever we meet up and I hope it doesn't come across. blush

splatapus Sun 25-Sep-11 20:56:55

Totally agree with Downby...the school run was hell for me for years with my son as no one understood (or tried to) his condition, please do try to be there for her it will make a world of difference.

splatapus Sun 25-Sep-11 20:57:43

That's good if the school are helpful, that will make a huge difference to how things go for them.

nethunsreject Sun 25-Sep-11 20:58:43

Aye, splat, he has always been like this. I do the old reassuring 'Oh-my-kid-does-that' thang, but I wasn't sure if it was helpful or not?

Sorry, I feel like a total numptie on this. I want to be a good friend. lets face it, it could just as easily be my kid.

nethunsreject Sun 25-Sep-11 20:59:24

It's a brilliant school. We are lucky.

cory Sun 25-Sep-11 22:46:07

I have known two children like this, that is the uncontrollable outbursts/having to be restrained. Neither had ASD.

lingle Mon 26-Sep-11 11:18:51

If you do nothing else do this: when the school inevitably pick up on this and other parents start talking about him as a naughty boy, make sure you go stand next to his mum in the playground. Fight against any attempt by other parents to isolate her.

Make truthful observations about positive aspects of her son. He must have many as your son is willing to play with him still. Hearing nice things about her son that are true and accurate will be like giving water to someone who is really thirsty.

I had a similar situation a while back. Dropping in the odd positive comment about the child in front of the gossipers probably made more difference than anything else I could have done.

Oh, and if all else fails, I find the phrase "he has a lot to learn about x/y/z" is realistic yet shows belief that the child can learn and change. It can nicely neutralise the horrible playground gossip.

All these things will help the mum trust you. Listen and try not to give advice.

nethunsreject Mon 26-Sep-11 11:30:59

cory - yes, I have met kids who are incredibly aggressive, but this feel different. It is at odds with his family, and combined with the huge inhibitions, etc, doesn't seem 'right'.

lingle, thanks, that is good advice. smile

lingle Mon 26-Sep-11 13:37:21

hope so net, you sound like you have good instincts anyway. We all want to help people in trouble and I think it's a case of working out a level and type of support that you can sustain over the long-haul.

When my own son was struggling, the people who helped me most were not the ones who offered their opinions, rather the ones who I felt still seemed open to getting to know the child I know IYSWIM. If you feel that someones likes your child because they can see his positive qualities, then that gives you space in your head to accept there is a problem - you're not constantly defending your child/wanting to pick them up and run to the hills.

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