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5 year old lacking social skills??

(9 Posts)
MorganBRee Sun 25-Sep-11 18:37:33

Sorry this is my first post and it's probably going to come across as a whinging one but I really don't know what to do anymore

DS is 5 years old and just started year 1 at primary school. He's an only child but has been in childcare since the age of 8 months so is well used to be being around other children and socialising.

The problem (if I should even be calling it that) is his shyness. I've accepted he's never going to be one of these chatty outspoken confident children but recently I think it's starting to hold him back.

Today he was supposed to be going to his friends birthday day out. Everything was fine until we arrived and I got out the car. He started crying hysterically saying he didn't want to go. I got him out the car and told him to atleast give his friend her birthday present. He grabbed hold of the car and wouldnt let go. I really didnt know what to do. Inside I was fuming which I accept yeah I shouldnt have been but I just couldnt believe how he was behaving.

It's not the first time he's got upset about going to another childs party. It's got to the point now where he's not invited anymore and this really upsets me. Sounds pathetic I know but I just so want him to be more involved and to make friends.

He loves swimming with me and his dad (as long as he's not getting his head wet!!) yet I took him to swimming club and he screamed the place down and we we're asked to leave

Same thing happened with football. Took him, he ended up trying to pick the ball up because he ''didn't want to kick it'' and we we're again asked to sit the game out.

I'm worried there might be something wrong with him. As in socially. He was born 10 weeks premature and we were told it's not uncommon for prem babies to have some problems when they are older whether it's a learning disability or something else

I guess I'm just after some advice really. Maybe other parents have gone through the same thing? I don't know really I just need some help

LizzieMo Sun 25-Sep-11 18:50:05

Parties=meltdowns for some children. They are often busy, loud & everyone expects the kids to have a good time. Sometimes it is overwhelming!!!
I expect it is the 'back to school' thing unsettling him. If he does not really enjoy parties at the moment then I would not be too worried if he does not get invited. It will probably settle down in a few months. I know how you are feeling though, I have experienced the screaming behaviour in public. I can report that my daughter managed a party today without the meltdown, first time in about a year. She is nearly 7, so hang in there, hopefully he will grow out of it.

exoticfruits Sun 25-Sep-11 19:22:22

I hated parties when I was 5yrs old.
Don't draw attention to his shyness-don't make excuses for him to hide behind. Just give him time.

Tgger Sun 25-Sep-11 20:15:56

Support him. Some need longer before they join in. I bet by 8 he is less shy- especially if you support him.

MorganBRee Sun 25-Sep-11 20:27:20

Thanks for the replies. so I'm guessing its not that uncommon then for children to act like my DS and eventaully grow out of it?

I sound like a right idiot but I dont really socialise with other parents and most of my friends don't have children so i find myself worrying about things that are completely normal!

CocktailQueen Sun 25-Sep-11 20:37:35

My dd hated loud noises and parties and unfamiliar social situations etc at this age - now at 7 she has outgrown that totally (and how!)!!!! Just reassure him, go in with him, stay with him. He will outgrow it. It's only a phase.....

MorganBRee Sun 25-Sep-11 20:50:24

Thanks cocktailQueen he hates load noises too. I do feel a bit better now though knowing he'll probably grow out of it

lingle Mon 26-Sep-11 19:45:22

much sympathy, we've had comparable issues.

you've no option here but to back off.

get a copy of "HOw to LIsten so your kids will talk" and gradually draw out his explanation of how it all feels to him.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows Tue 27-Sep-11 12:50:18

I wonder if he feels insecure rather then actually shy? Were you planning on going into the party with him (sorry if I missed that), perhaps do that for a while, don't push him, just be with him to help him feel safe.

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