ds is almost 7. he is fine at school, working slightly ahead of average i believe, reading well. he has no behaviour issues, is polite, well mannered, popular and plays well with all kids in the class.
he is however a bit of a dreamer at home. he is easily distracted when asked to do tasks, and having been sent upstairs for his socks for example, will be found 10 minutes later in his bedroom playing with his cars, having forgotten about the socks by the time he got half way upstairs.
it is frustrating, but no doubt he will improve as he gets older, and i have no doubt that he is just an average kid.
not so dh. he insists that ds is slack, and needs to sharpen up. he tries to make this happen by constant chivvying, nagging, and generally picking on him.
This all came to a head last night when ds went to football practice. ds had a rubbish game, apparently was just standing around on the pitch picking his nose, and jumping up and down in his own little world, not really interacting with the others or playing the game. dh got very angry about this and on the way home told ds that he wasnt having his new football boots (worn for first time last night) as he didnt deserve them if he wasnt going to try.
now there is a lot of history in this football thing. dh has always taken him to footie practice, but he is also the coach there, and therefore ds has been under considerable pressure to perform. recently we have moved house and ds has had to move football teams, the first week he went to practice on the thursday, there was a match on the saturday. dh bigged up the match etc etc, dh's mum and dad came to watch him too, and sadly, ds had a really bad match. not reallly concentrating, not playing well with the other kids etc etc. by far the worst thing though was dh who stood on the touchline, shouting at ds, picking him up on every error and basically making him feel like an idiot. PIL were appalled by this, and im just glad i wasnt there or i would probably have committed gbh.
dh seems to expect ds to behave like a mini adult, and be able to concentrate and play well as part of a team whom he has only met for the first time a few days ago. he is very negative about his behaviour at home and is constantly banging on about discipline (ds is very rarely badly behaved!) and saying that he will never get anywhere in life if he doesnt learn to try.
i have had a huge row with dh this morning over his behaviour, and he has asked me to come on here to find some suggestions as to how we can improve ds concentration and encourage him to try without bullying him or making him self concious.
personally i think dh is the problem not ds, but i cant make him see that ds's behaviour on the football pitch is a combination of nervousness at a new team, and anxiety about dh getting on at him, and not that he is slack or not trying.
any thoughts or suggestions on positive ways we can help ds to overcome this would be very gratefully received! dh is now barred from football practice by me, and i will be taking ds from now on.
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dh having problems dealing with ds behaviour please help!
3 replies
rogersmellyonthetelly · 23/09/2011 10:20
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