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3.5 yo nipping at nursery and generally doing things he does NOT get away with at home...

(2 Posts)
Tamashii Tue 20-Sep-11 17:34:16

DS has been at home with me and 3 weeks ago he started nursery 5 afternoons a week along with settling in period. He cried at first and now he LOVES nursery. He used to have a 30 min nap at about 1:30pm which he doesn't get now he has started nursery so gets overtired if I can't get him to nap before nursery (which is becoming impossible since it would mean having a nap a couple hrs after getting up for breakfast) so he has been going to bed earlier instead.

Anyway, at first his being overtired and not having spent much time alone in the company of children his age (since I had been taking him to classes/rhyme time etc so was there to "keep him in check" so to speak) was getting the blame for him being stroppy, pushing other children and wanting cuddles from the teacher because he was tired. He NEVER pushed other kids around when he was with me - it was usually him being bumped into/pushed over when we were out and about and I worried a lot about him going to preschool and not being able to handle it if another kid took a toy from him or drew on his picture.

Well, now it seems he is the one being a little bully. He has been given time out for ripping up another child's picture, nipping or squeezing other children's arms, and I have been given a leaflet inviting me to attend a Child Behaviour course to help me with his behaviour. I have tried to explain he is not like this at home at all and he really, really isn't. I have noticed when I go to pick him up from nursery he is completely over stimulated, over tired and he will be rolling around on the floor with his shoes off while the other kids are doing Sleeping Bunnies or whatever to wind down. He throws a total strop when I turn up to collect him and it makes me feel like a shit Mum cos this is totally not the little boy I drop off at nursery. I just don't know what to do.

I have tried asking him what he was doing at nursery, asking about his day, talking to him about hitting/nipping/boys and girls being kind to each other/naughty etc and asking him how he feels if someone else draws on his picture etc. Once he has been home for half an hour or so he is back to his "usual self" but I have no idea what he has been doing at nursery as he doesn't tell me or tells me some story about how a dinosaur came to nursery and ate the bear?!? etc then a few days later he will say "I hit X and she said ow I don't like you" and I just have no idea what is going on. It's like he is doing all the things he isn't allowed to do at home and then some. He has also picked up some really cheeky behaviour I assume he is seeing from other kids at nursery and then I get told "Oh, I ask him to do something and he says NO and blows a raspberry at me" from the teacher which is something else I have never seen him do. I believe her that he is behaving like this but what am I meant to do? Go down to the nursery and shadow him all day?

Sigh - sorry for the huge rant. When I went to collect him today and got the Child Behaviour Course leaflet and little lecture I asked what he had done today - had he been nipping and the teacher had to go and ask one of the assistants wo said he hadn't nipped for the last week.... Anyway, I don't really know what I am looking for here. He's been at preschool for 2 full weeks himself after settling in week and he has never been left in this situation before so I thought they would maybe get a month or so to properly get used to it all before they started singling out who they want to label but there you go. Council nursery 2 weeks in and my son has been labelled a trouble maker. Honestly, everyone who knows him outside of nursery is really shocked and can't believe it - they think I am exaggerating. I am contemplating taking him out of nursery all together if they are going to start labelling him and trying to put me on a course when he's only there a couple hrs a day and it's his first time in this kind of environment. I thought they were meant to be learning how to socialise and behave properly - not left to run riot then complain to the parent if he is being allowed to behave "inappropriately" at nursery when I have done my best to teach him right from wrong when he has been with me....

Oh, rant over.

Nevercan Tue 20-Sep-11 19:10:18

If you think tiredness could be a factor could you swop him to mornings so he can have a kip after nursery? I agree nurseries should be helping control the behaviour of your child whilst at nursery to help them socialise. You can't do anything if you ate not there. As you say it is odd that DS is like that at nursery but not at home.

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