Naughty step at 19 months?(13 Posts)
Four friends and I have DC of similar age, all around 18-19 months (all first babies). 3 of the friends were discussing yesterday, how they have begun to implement the naughty step, including portable naughty step at other people's houses, and sticker charts for good behaviour/doing clever things.
This has got me worried a bit - my DD is 19 months and very much a baby. She is a happy girl who hasn't shown any tantrumming behaviour (yet), a few 'No's but nothing what you'd call naughty - and has done lots of good things which we praise her for (good use of knife and fork, or completing wooden jigsaws for example).
The thought of using such tactics hadn't really entered my head yet - she's still a baby to me. When does this kind of stuff start and should I be rewarding her with stickers etc? I thought she was abit too young.
I have a 7 year old and a 4 year old and have NEVER had a naughty step.
I just heap praise on them when good, have clear expectations which they understand and, when they did/do tantrum and meltdowns (which they all do at times), I just put them somewhere safe and let them blow it out.
I would stick with exactly what you are doing.
depends a lot on the child - with my DS1 we used the naughty step before 2 - can't remember exactly when but his language was very good - and he did push boundaries and had tantrum - but no stickers or other rewards until well over two - wouldn't have worked in my view I remember chocolate buttons for potty training at about 2.4
my DS2 is 19 mo - he gets claps if he does clever things - and claps himself sometimes - and praise of course
if he does something after being told no -for instance climbing on the windowsill AGAIN - he gets put on his bum - he normally cries then - and doesn't do it again - normally...
I expect people may be getting a bit ahead of themselves - maybe too much supernanny? but sounds like your DD doesn't need it anyway - some children don't
Sorry but exactly what is there to worry about?! You have no need of a naughty step. Here is the sort of behaviour that you might think
1) walking on brother's face
2) failing to submit to teeth cleaning
3) throwing water over father
also putting sand in the clean washing
my nighty in the loo
hitting your (older) brother with a stick
biting your brother
I too have friends who use the naughty step all ourr DCs are around 24 months. I don't think there is any need for such discipline untill they get to around 3 at the earliest as they dont understand what they do is just exploring and testing the boundarys.
I simply rely on lots and lots of positive attention and ignoring behaviour I dont like. For things such as hitting I will explain that we don't hit as it hurts and then distract my DD with another activity.
I did a Webster Stratton parenting course you can find the book on amazon its very good and concentrates on molding behaviour through positive attention. It has been very helpful and effective in my situation
i wouldn't worry, some people are just very over enthusuastic about introducing the naughty step thing especially with 1st dc they imagine them to be older/more advanced than they really are. for the majority of 18/19 months a naughty step will be totally inappropriate...
Lots of first time parents seem desperate to move onto "the next step" even when it isn't necessary (or even harmful) - weaning at 3 months, forward facing car seats at 6 months, potty at 12 months, naughty step at 18 months.
Punishing very young children seems pointless to me.
Admittedly I have never managed to get my older 2 to stay on a step (and as I don't think the purpose of it is to punish me by making me sit on them I gave up) but
1. it's not the only way to encourage good behaviour and
2. I would agree that 19 months is s bit early for this with most kids.
My 21 mo is trying my patience alot at the moment but it's not naughtiness, just normal process of learning what you can / can't do and I don't see why that needs any punishment attached.
I don't think that's too early TBH - I've done a lot of work with children of this age and know that it is all down to the individual child - a lot wouldn't need it BUT i once looked after a little boy - he was around 20 months at the time who would bite, scratch, tip things over, throw things at his peers etc etc and was caught many times having a look around to see if anyone was looking before he did something like that - checking if the coast was clear. We spoke to his parents many times about his behaviour and they always said "oh, he's just a baby, when he's two we'll start telling him off" so this child knew exactly what he was doing and the fact that it was wrong and one day would get the shock of his life to be told off by his parents for doing the same thing he'd gotten away with up until then - I think that's more damaging to be honest....I think it's important from whenever the behaviour starts to say 'no' and if behaviour continues, put the child down and move away from him/her so they learn from day one that bad behaviour gets no attention - and lots of praise and fuss when they do something good. When a child is mature enough to understand the naughty step, it can then be introduced - every child is different. Sometimes just sitting them on their bottom with a firm "no" is more than enough and just as effective as a step/ mat.
I have three children aged between 12 and 5 and have never used a sticker chart or naughty step. They do what they are told, or they dont and I get cross [simplicity]
Thanks for the varied responses, really interesting to read.
Rita you're def right about some parents wanting to get on to the next thing all the time, and one of my friends is very guilty of this. I've had to cheerily say 'well, it's not a race is it' a few times.
I guess it really does depend on the child. My DD is very very laid back, her nursery workers tell me all the time she just happily plods along with everything and needs virtually no 'looking after' the whole day.
Also I'm a teacher and behaviour management comes as second nature to me (work in very tough school), have praised the good and ignored the bad from day one so maybe that's part of it too.
We shall see, she may yet become the devil in disguise overnight, and I will be back asking for naughty step rules!
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