He's 4 (just) and dh has texted to say his pre school want to talk to me tomorrow as ds apparently punched one of the other boys in the stomach. Dh has had a chat with ds and he says the other boy said something horrible to him but he can't remember what. I don't think there's any excuse for hitting though but I do want to wait and hear their version of events (dh heard it from our nanny who picked him up from school this afternoon)
I think ds does need to be punished for this. He's hit me before, and his sister and my usual punishment is to take away whatever is his favourite toy at the time and/or send him to his room for 5 minutes. I want to hear the full story first hand before deciding on a punishment, but will it be too late for me to punish him tomorrow? Will he have lost the association between bad behaviour and punishment? Quite often when we've had to punish him for something I've asked him if he can remember why we're punishing him (sometimes only 10 mins after the incident) and he can't.
But if he's told your DH that the other boy said something to him and so he punched them then do you not have the full story you need? Unless you are justifying that he was right to hit the other boy then he's admitted it and I would punish him tonight.
would the pre-school not have imposed some sort of sanction and so may he already have had a punishment from them. I would still discuss with him why he should not hit and what he should do if someone says things he doesnt like again (i.e. tell the teacher)
If it's a one off then telling him it made you sad to hear he'd done it is probably enough. I'd agree that you've probably got enough of a story, unless you wish to check it's not something he does sometimes/frequently etc. at preschool.
It's a bit late now as he's in bed, I'm at work and dh wasn't sure how to handle it beyond giving him a bit of a talk. Sadly it's not really a one off. He hits me and his sister quite a bit and the usual punishment is the removal of his favourite toy and going to his room for 5 minutes. I was chatting to my mum just now and she was saying it's because he's not emotionally developed enough to express when he's angry so he lashes out and that as he grows he will grow out of it. I bloody hope so!