I just spoke to dd's teacher about the frequency with which she is put on the naughty list... turns out there is no naughty list

[allhailtheaubergine]

... and they don't ever use the word 'naughty' in the classroom, and dd has not behaved in any way badly at all since the start of term. She has not done any of the things she specifically told me she had done to go on the naughty list.



She is 5.

[SenoritaViva]

Be super grateful she is imagining being naughty rather than actually being naughty. How hilarious!

[blibblibs]

My DS 3.7, told me almost same the thing every other day for the first two weeks he was back at nursery. Turns out he's never been in the naughty corner or even spoken to about his behaviour.
I like to think he just has a good imagination :)

[MmeLindor.]

Ah, that is quite cute actually.

She is being naughty in her imagination.

[allhailtheaubergine]

Thing is, she has been quite upset about it, having a little cry and saying "Mummy I really am trying my hardest to be good, but I just made a mistake and I got put on the naughty list" and there's me like an eejit supporting the teacher's decisions while being sympathetic to dd and exploring different choices she could make next time and acknowledging that she is trying her best at school and we are proud of her, and how about next time you could do X differently...

Got to laugh really, and am very pleased that despite dd's fantasies of strict discipline actually the teacher and I are very much of the same school of thought regarding good choices / bad choices / non-labelling of children etc.

Felt like a right wally at school though!

[MmeLindor.]

Could she be trying to get your attention, Aubergine? Maybe with you being pregnant, she is worried about not having her mummy so much in future.

[Kewcumber]

I think its quite important for her to know that you and the teacher communicate. Just talk to her regularly about how "Ms X says that you had a nice day today and you...."

Its just another phase!

[allhailtheaubergine]

Yes, that occurred to me. It's possible of course. She does get plenty of attention though; She gets 1-1 time with both me and her dad every day, and we all sit down every evening to eat and chat about our days. If fact she's been a bit of a centre of attention recently what with starting a new school, and settling in so well and making new friends etc

I shall gently do a bit of poking to find out if she is worried about the baby.

I think it is more about exploring what my reaction would be if she were naughty at school. Maybe. I don't know in truth. Bit puzzling.

[allhailtheaubergine]

I agree Kew, that she needs to understand that the teacher and I communicate. I am not going to bring it up this time, but the teacher has said she will subtly chat to her about it tomorrow and see if there has been a misunderstanding. A couple of bits of what she told me were true, but most of it sheer make-believe. And I shall use your idea of saying specifically that Mrs X says you did Y today.

[MackerelOfFact]

That is quite funny. Maybe she is really worried about actually getting in trouble at school so tells you she has so that it'll be less of a shock if she does. She might've seen another child get told off and it's scared her. I'd reinforce to her that she's being good at school and the teacher is really happy with her behaviour. It's a really confusing and scary time for them, even if they do seem to be settling in well.

[daytoday]

I think it sounds like she is missing you and perhaps worried about being 'good.'

Kids often don't have the language and the ability to verbalise their feelings. When my kids do this (say things that aren't true) for example, say something along the lines of 'no one played with me' - I think they are actually trying to say how they 'feel' and finding the best fit.

Very sweet -

[allhailtheaubergine]

Maybe she is worried about being 'good'. I have made a big deal about how important it is to try your best at school.

She is ever so giddy and I was worried she would be nervous, be giddier than ever, and make a terrible impression on her new teacher, so I have been reminding her often to try her best and remember to listen etc etc

Oh no. I have projected my own anxieties onto my 5yo and put pressure on her. [crap mum]

And I needn't have worried because a 10 minute chat with her new teacher demonstrated that professionals in the business of teaching 5 yr olds know exactly how giddy they can be, and understand that they are giddier when they are nervous and than they soon settle down.

New plan: reassure dd often that she is doing well? Tell her I know she is trying hard and I am proud of her? Or is that still piling on the pressure to maintain it? Arrgh. [overthinking this emoticon] [pfb]

[DooinMeCleanin]

My littlest one is never naughty at school, according to her. I believe her as she comes out of school covered in stickers for being good.

That is until the day her friend told me "I never get stickers for being good. I am always good. Only the naughty kids gets stickers when they are good because the teachers notice they are being good because they are normally naughty. They don't notice when you're always good"

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

That's a very positive way for your DD's friend to look at it Dooin! She's gonna be a glass half full kinda girl.

Aubergine, perhaps she liked your reactions to hearing of her being put on the naughty list. My DS is the same age and he's all about the drama lately..

[MmeLindor.]

oh, yes. They can be quite the drama llamas at that age.

Stop worrying. Sit down with her and talk about her day. If she says she was naughty, don't react. Ask her what she had for lunch/who she played with and comment on any other thing that she tells you.

[DeWe]

DD1 told me in reception that the way to get the most stickers was to be bad in the morning and good in the afternoon. Then you got the stickers for being not bad.