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22month tantruming nightmare - help

(20 Posts)
tiredbutlearning Thu 15-Sep-11 16:22:22

My DD is 22 months and has always been "difficult" and quick to fly off the handle. She is so bright and speaking in sentences but appears to struggle with any form of discipline. I have beenr elaxed so far and feel now is the time to step up.

DD likes to grab and snatch and fight off rivals for her toys. Everything is "mine" or "my turn".

Im not sure where to turn. Im really waring thin. I often tell her "No" and when she flies off the handle repeat myself and say mum will be back when you finish crying.

Im not sure what to do - as the tantrums are soooo long and dont seem to be easing up.

Should I start the naughty step - but what qulaifies as actions for the naughty step???

Please HELP????

belindarose Thu 15-Sep-11 18:42:36

Try reading 'the happiest toddler on the block' by Harvey Karp. It's got really good ideas for preventing, warding off and dealing with tantrums. I personally don't like even his version of time out, but many of the other ideas work brilliantly with my strong willed and verbal 24 mo DD.

tiredbutlearning Thu 15-Sep-11 19:30:22

Belindarose - thats exactly what i need. I loved reading baby books and taking ideas that worked...it really helped! I will get this book ASAP!

Iggly Thu 15-Sep-11 20:43:06

Do certain things trigger tantrums? Is it when hungry or tired?

Sharing toys won't happen for a while - you can keep reinforcing that it's her turn vs the other kids turn or distract with something else.

When you want her to stop or do something, give her some warning a few times beforehand.

Show her what she should do, let her try and help with things etc. You might have a better time of it.

belindarose Thu 15-Sep-11 20:52:23

If you like reading then, 'The Behaviour book' by the Sears is another one I've liked. It depends on your style really, but you sound like you'd like both of these. Iggly makes good points about sharing.

tiredbutlearning Fri 16-Sep-11 07:25:52

Iggly - i do try and do the things youve said, I always give warning for stopping and changing etc. 5mins 2 mins and then 1 min. That does help - but we still get tantrums, jumping up and down.

For us its really when we say give it back or you cant do that. I am as of yesterday trying to stop saying no and cant and saying - you can have this or you can do this.

Its just got to that point where I dont like being around other children as Dylan is so bad - but I am aware that I cant keep her from children as it will make matters worse.

I will get both of these books and go from there! x

Iggly Fri 16-Sep-11 07:34:22

What sort of things can't she have or have to give back? Just interested to see if some situations can be avoided.

tiredbutlearning Fri 16-Sep-11 07:55:52

example - yesterday on the stairs I had left a themometre and DD picked it up. I let her look at it and said "put it back now"......so she didnt. I repeated and said "listen to mummy - mummy asked you to put it back"...so she threw at me and then went into a tantrum - jumping screaming, face planting ...I got down on her level and said "mummy asked you to put it back, dont throw things as its not nice, when you have finished crying we can go and play together"...this ended up screaming for 20 mins at full pelt, and when I went over and said " have you finished she was uncontrollable crying" but we calmed down in the end and had lots of cuddles!!!

belindarose Fri 16-Sep-11 08:04:51

I'd have turned that into some silly game and would have got it from her eventually. I know 'life's not a game' or whatever people say, but it is to a 2 year old and I try to see things from her point of view. Another good book if this is your style is 'Playful Parenting'.

tiredbutlearning Fri 16-Sep-11 08:35:14

I hadnt thought about that! I suppose i need to work on her time scale not on mine! Thank you Belinarose!

Iggly Fri 16-Sep-11 12:16:43

I agree with Belinarose! She thought she could have it and there was no logical reason for her to stop. I usually either don't let DS see something at all or let him play then ask for it back and he will give it back or lose interest...!

Iggly Fri 16-Sep-11 12:18:14

Sorry when I say give it back - he'll eventually give it back, but if I tries to take it he would def kick off.

tiredbutlearning Fri 16-Sep-11 19:11:41

Iggly and Belinda Rose - thank you for the explanation - I hadnt thought about it from that perspective.

GOD I LOVE MUMSNET!!!

I do try and hide things but I also expect a 22 month old to do something when I say. and no I realise thats wrong to a point, work with them not against them!

belindarose Fri 16-Sep-11 21:10:33

I've just been rereading bits of the Sears book today (The Good Behaviour Book', by the way). It's really good at explaining why toddlers behave as they do. I find it very reassuring actually. Glad we've been of help.
Iggly, you were Igglybuff (from many sleep threads), right?

Iggly Fri 16-Sep-11 21:20:49

Yes belinda, that was me! DS is now a good sleeper, just takes some persuading at bedtime but once he's down generally ok wink

belindarose Fri 16-Sep-11 21:31:22

DD now fantastic too. Even nap times. All seems so long ago now!

Iggly Fri 16-Sep-11 21:35:37

I know! We're expecting number 2 though, in December, so will be getting right back into it again...

belindarose Fri 16-Sep-11 22:02:21

Congratulations! You'll have less time to MN, but more experience to draw on.

Iggly Fri 16-Sep-11 22:04:42

Thanks!

tiredbutlearning Sat 17-Sep-11 09:08:57

I also bought Supernanny yesterday and it is lovely and I have ordered the others! xx

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