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HELP!! when do i throw out the dummies????

(21 Posts)
pugsmum Mon 12-Sep-11 08:52:50

my son is 10 months we gave him a dummy as advised by our health visitor when he was a few weeks old because he had pretty bad colic from birth.. i am careful not to give it to him too much usually only to get him to sleep and if i cant settle him in the car! and a few other times out of desperation if i cant settle him.

I have kept it for so long as we have done a lot of sleep training with him which has worked tremendously but didnt want to take away the dummy aswel as it would have been to harsh for him.......

now i am struggling to decide if i should let him have it but try and stay in control if it or if i should get rid of it ??

some advise i found says it needs to be gone by six months (which is long gone) and some says a year.
my aunt is a H/V and she is very casual about it and said if he is happy with it leave it as he is devoloping well ..

however i am worried that he is having it more and more .. and when he is not with me i find that who-ever has him (gran / godparents etc) they just give him his dummy constantly even tho i ask them not to..
I am worried it will slow down his speach and also worried about the germs as he will drop it now and pick it up without us noticing as he is crawling around especially at grans who has a dog!
but im worried if if take it away he will start sucking his thumb or just start stealing other babies dummies

I am struggling with this decision ...... !!

RitaMorgan Mon 12-Sep-11 08:58:35

From 12 months we decided the dummy lives in the cot, and they don't come downstairs. My ds is 13 months now, and when I get him up I say to him "leave your dummy in your cot" and he does take it out and leave it. I think if you present it as just the way things are they are often fine about it.

I'm a fan of dummies in general, but I'm not keen on toddlers with them in all the time, especially if they're talking around them. At 12 months ds had started to say a few words so it was definitely the right time to restrict it. We also give it to him in the car or in the buggy, IF he is going to sleep.

My personal take is, you either ditch dummies under 6 months when they are too little to know the difference, or you wait til they're old enough to give it up willingly (dummy fairy or swapping it for a toy). I'm happy for ds to use it to sleep until he's 2 or 3.

festi Mon 12-Sep-11 08:59:40

i would take it away in the day time only for 2 days giving him it at night time only then totaly do away with it. THROW THEM ALL AWAY SO ARE NOT TEMPTED TO GIVE IN. It is very ruthless but I think the only way. He will forget about his dummy by the end of the week. when taking dds bottle off her at a similar age, se was hell for those 2 days would throw the cup at me and scream blue murder for the 2 days then after about 4 days it was almost as if she had forgotten she had even had a bottle and took the cup no problems. good luck It will be harder on you than it will on him.

ladyintheradiator Mon 12-Sep-11 09:01:18

Can't you just keep it for sleep times? My DD is 10 months and only has a dummy when she is going to sleep. My DS is under speech and language and the therapist said as long as DD is not having it all the time, walking around with it, and more importantly learning to speak with it in, then no harm done. It wouldn't even occur to me to give her a dummy at other times tbh.

If you are leaving him with grandparents etc without you just don't send a dummy? Or tell them - it's for nap times only. It would be pretty rude of them to ignore you. Perhaps they don't understand - explain that it's for sleep only. If they continue to ignore you then you might want to reconsider leaving him with them, if they're going to ignore what is a very simple request.

wigglemama Mon 12-Sep-11 10:20:06

I think it's fine if he's just having it at sleep times. My ds gave up his dummies at around 2 and a half, after only having it for sleeps for around a year and a half. It did not affect his speech and he is more advanced with his speech than many of his peers incidentally. My dd on the other hand was very attched to her dummy and wanted it constantly so we knew it would be an all or nothing situation with her. She is almost 2 and we have just in this past week taken the dummy off her (using bye-bye binky method if anyone is interested-its amazingly easy!).
If he is happy only having it at nap times then go with it, as Rita said, until he will give it up willingly.

bumpandababy Mon 12-Sep-11 11:45:48

Dummies are really only meant to be used up to 6m, so the sooner you get rid the better! Also its easier the younger they are! My sister let her little girl keep hers till she was nearly 3 and it was a nightmare!! The dentist ending up telling her to get rid as it was pushing her teeth forward and her speech was also affected! Good luck hun! xx

RitaMorgan Mon 12-Sep-11 11:53:34

In what way are dummies "only meant to be used up to 6m"? I wasn't aware there was a rule grin

strandednomore Mon 12-Sep-11 11:57:16

RitaMorgan speaks good sense.

ladyintheradiator Mon 12-Sep-11 12:17:37

Would also love to know where bumpanda got that info from?

IceCreamCastles Mon 12-Sep-11 12:25:49

Asked my dd's dentist about this the other day - she said evidence shows that as long as the dummy's gone by the time the adult teeth are coming through there's no harm done.

I've restricted dd's to sleep times since she was about 12 months. She's 2.4 now and still utterly in love with it but I'm hoping the dummy fairy will visit in the next year or so.

GoodrickeCBlock Mon 12-Sep-11 12:52:27

We took the dummy away at 12 months with ours.

We did exactly the same with them both when they turned one. In the weeks running up to D-Day (Dummy-Day!) we reduced how often they had the dummy, so they only had it for sleep time only. We then planned for DH to have a long weekend booked from work and then on the Friday night we did the normal bed routine but just didn't give the dummy. We had 2 bad evenings where it took 1-2hrs for them to fall asleep, with us going in every 5 minutes to soothe and reassure. The third night it took only ten minutes and after that we didn't have an issue.

I'm now very glad we did it. DD1 is 2.5 now and I can't imagine doing it now, it would be so, so much harder.

pugsmum Mon 12-Sep-11 13:40:41

all great advise .. however the main reason i wanted to get rid of the dummy at night was because when it falls out he wakes up.. if he didnt have a dummy he wouldnt wake up for it ??

will this mean i will have to start the sleep training from scratch without the dummy also without a dummy what do i do if he wakes up..

i will definatly start with day times as i could probably be a little stricter and use it more for convenience and will have a word with the babysitters

but what do i do if he starts screaming in the car and i have nowhere to pull over as usually this is where the dummy is a life saver toys and entertainment dont seem to work and i dont want to give him snacks incase he chokes and i cant help him!!

festi Mon 12-Sep-11 13:49:52

it is difficult but I would just let him cry it out if in the car, as there is very little you can do and you know he is not in any way hurt etc, it is just frustration and temper. cuddle and sooth him when you stop.

At night time I would just re follow the sleep training when he wakes. I really dont think it will last any more than 2 to 3 days tops. when getting rid of the bottle. My dd would lay on the floor and scream and cry, any soothing or intervention from me would just infuriate her even more, so saddly had to just leave her to scream it out, she was fine and I can honestly say she seemed to forget after a few days. Once she seeked me out after her crying I would cuddle and kiss her and tell she was a very big girl and mummy loved her etc. I did not mention the "B" word ever.

IceCreamCastles Mon 12-Sep-11 14:02:02

If you decide you do want to keep it then you can always have a few floating around in his bed so that he can grab one and go back to sleep (I think dd started to be able to do that at around that age)

Car - I would have an emergency one for the car for now as if you're anything like me the screaming would completely distract from driving. He will probably become more distractible with toys / books / singing / dvd player for long journeys over the next few months so it's not necessarily a long term thing.

ExpensivePants Mon 12-Sep-11 14:19:02

Absolutely, just take it away and let him scream. He's 10 months old, well able to understand why you've taken away his comfort item. Frustration and temper, dead right. A child that old should be well able to control their emotions and see the bigger picture. As long as you're doing what you want, that's the main thing.

RitaMorgan Mon 12-Sep-11 14:24:58

Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution book? There's a gentle method for getting rid of a dummy if it causes night wakings in there - basically you let them suck it til they're sleepy then remove it and hold their mouth closed with a finger under the chin. If they start crying for it you give it back for a few more seconds then try again. She suggests you might have to repeat 5-10 times before they actually fall asleep without it, but it gradually breaks the suck-to-sleep association and over the course of a week the baby should be able to fall asleep without it.

mosschops30 Mon 12-Sep-11 14:27:33

Lol @ expensivepants!

I dont understand the rush, hes 10months fgs.
Dd and ds1 didnt like dummies but ds2 loves his. Hes now almost 2 and just uses it for daytime nap, and bedtime. He can have it as long as he needs it to sleep i dont care, i certainly dont want to listen to him scream because ive removed it.

I found with dd and ds1 with bottles, they just grew out of them, both of them stopped having a bedtime bottle at about 4. No stress for me and they were just like 'er actually dont want this anymore'

GoodrickeCBlock Mon 12-Sep-11 14:53:23

Pugs We were in the same boat, I was having to go in constantly through the night to put the dummy back in.

Without the dummy she learnt to fall asleep without it, so when she woke up in the night she just settled herself back to sleep again because she didn't need me to go in and do anything for her, she could do it herself.

When she screamed in the car, she screamed and I would give her a big cuddle when we got where we were going. It wasn't a big issue and, just like at night, she soon learnt within a few days that she didn't have a dummy anymore.

JezzaJ9 Mon 12-Sep-11 16:01:46


I was like you with my DS who is now nearly 3. We restricted it for sleep, nap times and when he was poorly, he suffered with teething, by the time he was 18 months and was understanding more we said that dummy's were for babies, we did not take it away from him but it sowed the seed and by his 2nd birthday he gave it up himself. It certainly did not affect his speech and when he did use it, it was strictly for comfort when I'll or sleeping x

festi Mon 12-Sep-11 16:02:00

was that in responce to me Expensivepants?

curlytoes Tue 13-Sep-11 11:14:39

We've just taken our DDs dummy away aged 16months and actually it was relatively painless. For 2 days she needed some extra support/ comforting when dropping off to sleep. Staying with her, stroking her back, talking to her softly etc. I tried to make sure she was tired at bedtime but not hysterically over tired IYSWIM By day 3 she just dropped off no problem. I think it helped that we have always followed the same bed routine and everything was the same except the dummy. If she gets sad/ mad in the day then I try to soothe her with cuddles/ distractions rather than popping in the magic dummy. It's more work for me especially when I'm busy with her brothers or out and about. Sometimes I miss the dummy but she's completely forgotten about them. Luckily for me she enjoys bothering her older brothers on car journeys which seems to stop her crying. Good luck when you decide to ditch the dummies.

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