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Will he always be like this? Very needy 9 month old.

(9 Posts)
milkyjo Tue 06-Sep-11 12:24:52

Just after some advice really if anyone has experienced my situation. My DS seems to be very needy all the time. He goes through clingy phases which I know are normal with all babies, before milestones, frustration, teething etc. However, DS has been like this since about 3 months old. I hear of other people doing housework, washing up, anything that doesn't involve them having to carry around their babies, whilst their LO watches! I feel like I'm trapped. If I put him down and try and get on with stuff he'll scream and then it'll turn into proper all out crying with tears. I have tried to just let him carry on as he needs to understand that I can't hold him all the time. When he was smaller I could use the sling, but I can only carry around 9kg of extra weight for so long and trying to clean or do the dishwasher is impossible, and he just gets fidgety and wants to get out anyway. He can manage about half an hour of playing on the floor or standing at the sofa or me holding his hands. He can't crawl or bum shuffle. We bought a jumperoo which sits in the kitchen but unless I am sitting right next to him he screams in it (whilst jumping!), and they are bad screams and whingey noises. I go to the toilet with him sitting on the bathroom floor, and if I need to get something from the room next door (in an open plan house) I have to either take him with me or console his crying when I come back into the room, which escalates at such a pace that I have to pick him up and walk around for a few minutes.

If your child is or was like this I would be grateful to hear how you overcame these problems or whether they are still present! At least when he starts moving he can follow me about, right?!

Psychovillemum Tue 06-Sep-11 15:09:08

Completley normal. Things will get better. Enjoy it, soon he will be running off and you will miss these days. I usually start playing with my DD and then go off and do other things. Just to get her settled. People are usually defensive about these things as there is a tendency in our society to push children towards independance at an early age (IMO).

BananaMontana Tue 06-Sep-11 15:15:24

Yes my ds was the same and he was until a couple of years ago, until he was about 6, a 'needier' child than his friends. He liked to be physically close, so if I did housework he would just come and 'be' in the room with me. If helping, he went overboard. He sometimes needed a new thing every three minutes.
DD is not like that at all, a different model.
DS hasn't got any difficulties or syndromes or anything. He's not insecure at all. He has a noticeably fast and chaotic mind, I think that's what it was.

You have to find ways around it especially with toddlers, who cannot grasp that peace is needed. And it's not permanent.

milkyjo Tue 06-Sep-11 16:12:17

Thanks for your replies. As with everything I do concerning my DS there is always an element of guilt that perhaps I have somehow 'made' him into a clingy child. Its just that when we are at play sessions he seems to be the one always whinging and wanting to be picked up and I have heard some comments, not directed at me, about not immediately picking him up when he cries, which I don't all the time but I know the point of no return which would end up with me cuddling him anyway! Its probably my own paranoia about what other people think of my parenting skills, especially as I look after children for my job! So my plan is to play with him when he wants and try and involve him lots, I have started to tidy up the house with him just sitting on the floor in a room for a few minutes, he seems to like new places to explore as he sure as hell won't play with his thousands of toys! Glad its normal though, its just gonna be hard when me and DH decide to have another baby!

Huffythetantrumslayer Tue 06-Sep-11 19:42:15

Oh god I remember this. From 9months for about 2 and a half months ds was a nightmare. No one else could hold him even if I was stood next to them, couldn't leave the room. Fecking nightmare. It's a phase, he will get over it but you do just have to live thru it. Don't leave him to cry if it escalates. Some advice I was given was playing peekaboo round a corner and things like that so he starts to 'get' that if you disappear you come back.
I started to leave him for a couple of mins witha friend then go back and once he got used to that lengthens it to 5 mins then 10 etc first few times he screamed blue murder (bless her) but once he realised I was comingback he calmed down. Dunno if any of that helps but he did come through and so did I. smile

Octaviapink Tue 06-Sep-11 19:49:28

I find your post very comforting, milkyjo, - my 9mo DS is also mad-clingy at the moment, and DD was never like this so I'm finding it hard to deal with! Today he whinged/screamed for most of the morning even when being held. Tired but wouldn't sleep, hungry but wouldn't eat (except bf-ing which is hard work now he's 10kg and needs a lot!). I couldn't put him down and certainly couldn't have left the room. It's nice to know it won't last forever!

firsttimemum90 Tue 06-Sep-11 21:12:12

my 8 month ds is the same! i know it sounds bad but i find play dates so hard and yes embarresing! for example today i went to meet a few friends for a coffee with the babies, my two friends babies (6months) (9 months) were both on the floor babbiling cooing laughing and taking intrest in the toys...however my ds... try putting him on the floor he screams murder try sitting him on my lap he scream, suppport him to stand he's happy as larry!
at home mornings are his best time so thats when i get on with things, after lunch everything goes to pop, i have to either be holding his hands so he can walk or he's attached to my hip, if i put him down and play with him he'll last 10-15 mins, its a no go just putting him down and trying to get on. leaving the room is the end of the world for my little guy! lucily for me this has only been going on for the past month or so and like your mine can crawl can bum shuffle, can only roll, and i truely think their behaviour is some what frustration and that (i pray) when they can crawl or walk they will be alot happier and more content like as you say they can follow us around if they wish.
fully empathise with you and really hope our bubs calm down soon! if i get one more coment 'isn't he a fussy baby' 'ohh mine were never like that' i will blow!

PinkEmily Tue 06-Sep-11 21:23:32

My 10 month old, I'm relieved to say, is just coming out of this stage. She's always been perfectly happy when we're out at baby groups etc but people think I'm fibbing when I tell them my social little bundle turns into a monster at home, won't play with her toys, cries, whinges, and housework? Forget it!

She's been much better since she's been crawling, I can't get masses done but she'll crawl after me and giggle if I make her jump.

I still have to get out of the house at least once in the day or she just becomes impossible to do anything with mid afternoon, but it's getting easier!

firsttimemum90 Tue 06-Sep-11 21:31:20

pink emily you give me hope, didnt clarify what i ment with play mates with my ds groups are fine where theres lots of open space and lots of people to interact with, it if i go to a friends house and its to crowded it seems to get to him, and again if we stay at home all day he gets worse, if we're out and about he's a joy to be with and people comment on how happy he is. just read back on my post made it sound like hes a devil baby! just had a bad day with teething over tired bubs!

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