DD shy at nursery - should I worry?

[iismum]

My DD (almost 4) is just starting her 2nd year at nursery. She likes her nursery school a lot and enjoys going there. But she is quite shy and still mostly does 'playing alongside' the other children, rather than 'playing with'. Although we have friends with children her age, we don't have any that we see regularly enough for her to be totally used to them, so she doesn't really have any friends (other than DS, 2) that she's not shy with. It really doesn't seem to bother her at all, so I'm wondering if I'm just being a bit pushy to worry about it. But a lot of the other children in her nursery play together a lot, and I worry that she's not learning the dynamics of interaction and becoming part of the group (almost all her primary school classmates will be the same children). Should I try to encourgage her - e.g., by inviting children round to play? But I don't know the children or mothers that well, so I would feel a bit weird doing this ... Or should I just chill out and let her develop in her own time? Any advice would be gratefully received!

[RedB]

Are you sure she doesn't play with others when you are not there? My daughter, having been at nursery for 2 years, still was clingy with me when I dropped her off, but nursery staff always said she got right into playing with others when I wasn't there. She is about to turn 5 and start school, and has always been a bit shy but her confidence has blossomed in the last year, so I wouldn't worry, just play it by ear. If she does start talking about a specific child, see if you can arrange any play dates, but if not, don't force her into them. And the first time inviting people to play dates can feel a bit weird, but it is OK, I always find its easy to chat for an hour or so with a mum (and I'm shy myself) because you have the same aged children so you can spend all that time talking about them, so there shouldn't be any awkward pauses.

So, don't worry too much about it, I promise you she will not miss out on any dynamics of interaction, I think they all work it out when they are ready to.

Red

[iismum]

Thanks Red. I'm not sure that she doesn't play with other children when I'm not there, but I've watched her play with children in out-of-school situations, and also hung around a little at school when I drop her off, watching her start to play, and I've never seen her interact much with other children. The teachers also say that she's quite shy. She doesn't cling to me when I leave and is happy at school, so there's not really a problem at the moment. I'm just wondering whether I should try to help her learn how to make friends so she will be in a better position when she begins to want this more. It's great to hear about your DD's confidence blossoming - hopefully this will happen with mine!