I have a 10-year old boy, the oldest of two boys. He is a lovely son; healthy, tall, intelligent, thoughtful, sensitive and so on. He is fantastically articulate, does brilliantly at school, is highly academic, has many interests and achieves at most things he tries. I love him dearly and I am incredibly proud of him. Incidentally, he is also far from being an angel - at times, he does all those naughty boy things like running around, shouting, pushing boundaries, being cheeky etc.
I hope I don't come across as paranoid but in spite of all the above (and I feel incredibly lucky) I am also very worried about him.
He gets on well with family and our friends and can talk well (confidently and (relatively) interestingly to older people. He is also incredibly good with younger children; he often plays with his brother and his friends (2 years younger) - although he tends to dominate somewhat - and he is lovely with babies.
The problem is that he seems to find it very difficult to socialise with boys of his own age. He is not interested at all in football, which seems to be the big playground ice-breaker. He seems awkward in the presence of his peers and he also seems to realise this; when he is with a group of peers (for example, at parties) he often gets over-excited and, I feel, tries too hard. He does not have an especial best friend or even any close ones (unlike his brother who has 4 or 5 - I think he also realises this and finds it frustrating).
He reads a lot and has a very active imagination. He obviously spends a lot of his time playing in his own head - for example, if we are on car journeys he will usually just be making noises to himself, clearly acting out some story to himself.
I feel guilty; I think my husband and I have brought him up differently. They do not have DSs or computer games. They do not watch much TV. We have always spoken to them as adults. We have probably concentrated more on family than friends.
So. Is anyone out there in a similar position? Have others been through this? I don't mind him being different - he is lovely as he is. But I do want him to have some proper friends of his age and be happier mixing with people his own age as he goes through school.
Angstriddenmum
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Has Anyone Else Been Through This? Worried About My 10-Year Old
Angstriddenmum · 03/09/2011 15:04
You certainly have not failed him, please don't torture yourself thinking that way. Different people have different interests that's all, that goes for children too.
Forget going to his teacher if she is not getting your concerns and go to the head of year/deputy head/another teacher you feel may understand the situation better.
I get quite annoyed when our school focuses so much on sporting achievements for the under 13s, starting at year 3 upwards, mentions in assembly, captains, etc etc and yet there is little weekly recognition of those who have skills in other areas, music, drama, art and IT. We do live in a climate where sports play a major part of daily life, but I worry that those with other skills are not being recognised. 
YES YES YES.
I have 3 ds 2 who were at primary school 2 years apart - ds2 is lively has lots of friends and is a real people person - ds1 struggled,he was everything you describe it just seemed he missed out on that 'find a friend factor' and as I was in school a lot of the time (pta/general dogsbody with a crb check and a NNEB diploma)I saw this happening right in front of my eyes ...we did the after school park thing where all the local kids hung around after school,inviting friends home for tea (they stayed and played and ate and had a good time but still it was lacking)joining sports clubs after school absolutely everything and still Ds had no 'friend' he had kids he could play with but no friends ..........one weekend after speaking to dh we hit upon a plan.
By the end of the week ds1 had friends!! had been to the after school chess club,been invited out for tea and he was 
OP:
Your DS1 gets invited to parties? 
You don't know what it's like to have a socially awkward child until you've had one that never gets invited anywhere.
I really don't think you do have anything to worry about, tbh, though it probably wouldn't hurt to try some of the suggested ideas. I suspect your DS will blossom at Senior School, too. I do relate, DC1 has no close friends, and DC3 has no social life at all outside of school hours/clubs. My DC1 is probably a lot like your DC1, only mine is not as confident as yours, but my DC1 is also very quietly very jealous of a younger sibling (DC2) with much better social life (than the rest of us put together 
).
I have raised them the same (pretty much); they are just different in themselves.
Angstridden
Reading your OP again, maybe consider not ruling out the female of the species as friends.
My late primary/early teen DDs, who are similarly inclined, have always had very good friendships with boys who sound like your DS based on: youth orchestra and ensembles, theatre club, school productions, no interest in sport, equal competitive ability on the Nintendo Wii (icebreaker), or, one you may prefer, board games. Same with learning how to get on with mixed-age mixed-gender relatives eg older teens.
I have a friend with a DS slightly Asperger's who has made admirable effort to facilitate her DS's friendship with my DDs. We are both chuffed that this has worked so well for all parties. We all particularly enjoy the fact they have beneficial mixed gender friendship without the usual 'nonsense' because they have grown up together from primary. His and DD's friends are particularly gob-smacked and jealous now they are early teens, big kudos in the playground, extra points for mature social skills .
A new angle? What do you think?
I have the same problem with DS(9). he is lovely with his sister (2) and can hold his own in a discussion with adults. Does well at school without having to work at it.
But he is not liked. has no friends. he used to have a couple of friends in nursery and previous school (we moved) but now he has none. He does not get invited to anything.
He came back yesterday saying he tried approach some kids and heard them say "Oh, look, it's the loser, let's go" 
He told me "I don't care, i'm used to it'
The only explanation I can come up with is that although he's a great brother and generally helpful at home etc he does have a sarcastic streak in him. He likes being on his own but also would like to have some friends and so he tries but way to hard-so either he's pushy/bossy or tries to be funny (ends up not being it)...
I'm signing him up for sailing/kayaking next week. I've been thinking about guitar as well.
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Winny that's exactly what dd is like, sarcastic, too clever with her words, that it scares the other girls off. She is also not great at the whole fashion thing, she tries but she doesn't quite have the 'style' that the other girls have, she is happier simply in a pair of shorts.
She does have friends and it helps that we live in a very close knit community where all the families get on well, but she also has to try quite hard to make the friendships work. We were very conscious of not getting her to change who she is and crushing her personality, but more to understand that others may not feel comfortable with how she acts when amongst them.
She has a great boy-friend with whom she feels totally comfortable and I often find them laughing about something that I have no idea about. Perhaps that is the way forward?
One of my favourites: DD was in local theatre show, chaperone says 'I hope she's OK because while she's waiting she reads a book', as if it was very odd behaviour 
. Yes, ma'am, you get strange people like that.
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