3.5 YO started nursery and is grabbing toys/pushing other children...

[Tamashii]

DS 3.5 just recently started nursery and was distraught at being left at first. Now he is over that part, his teacher told me the other day that he has been grabbing toys from other children, trying to drag children away from games they are playing and pushing other children. He is seriously NOTHING like this with me. I totally believe her that he is behaving like this - don't think I am saying "Oh, no... Not my little angel..." I am just so embarrassed that they think he is like this at home because he is quite timid and usually lets other kids take his toys or skip him in the queue for the slide at the park etc. then he cries about it. I am so shocked that he is acting like this.

Also, he still needs a short nap in the afternoons but they don't get naps in the nursery at this age so by the time he gets home he is absolutely overtired to the point of awful tantrums. I am getting him to bed an hour or 2 earlier during the week when he goes to nursery in the hope that maybe if he doesn't get overtired he won't be so badly behaved.

His teacher did say not to worry about it and that he won't be allowed to behave like that at nursery because they will explain he is acting unacceptably etc but I just feel so bad that it must look like I am a shite Mum and I must let him act like this at home but he would not get away with pushing, grabbing or any of that kind of thing. He knows how to take turns, share his toys and all the basic stuff as well as please and thank you.

Also, he seems to be changing every day at this age becoming a young boy rather than the older toddler he was a few months ago... I feel like I don't know him any more. I know it will be quite trivial to lots of you but at the moment I don't really know what I am supposed to do... I don't have many friends with kids in RL but some other boys his age that we are friendly with are really rough and tumble which makes my OH say I am making DS "too soft" but obviously I'm not teaching him to be "a wimp" if he's now pushing kids around at nursery. I feel really bad that those other children might be going home to their parents saying "The new boy pushed me over"... I would hate that to happen to my DS so I hate the thought of him doing it to someone else's DS or DD...

Anyway, sorry for the rant. TIA for any advice :(

[SugarSkyHigh]

i think a big factor here is that he has had to drop his nap before he is ready and he's getting overtired and overwraught - it then has a knock on effect; his routine is different, and what with starting nursery and all the new situations there, he is reacting in an understandable way. Even though you are trying to compensate by putting him to bed early. Is there any way you can collect him after lunch so he can have his nap? probably not! Thinking about it, can they not let him have a nap if that's his routine? they really should be able to cater for this at a nursery! (i work in a nursery, BTW).

[mousymouse]

is this his first time in a nursery type environment?
it is quite a big change for a child, so many new experiences and rules.
boys apparently undergo a hormonal change around this age as well. and no, he is not a toddler anymore

[Tamashii]

Thanks for the replies. He is only in nursery in the afternoons just now but he's not ready for a nap before nursery so probably runs out of energy about 2pm right in the middle of his afternoon there and he will not take a nap if there's anything going on around him. They do have a wee "chill out" area with cushions and a little bed that they can have a nap in but it's not really encouraged as he's in the pre school room. I might just try and get him to have a little nap just before nursery to see if that helps.

He is definitely going through the hormone surge stage at the moment which started a few months ago. I didn't have a clue about this stage but thanks to Mumsnet I know about the little early puberty type situation going on with boys at this age now. Things had calmed down for a while but he's really hormonal again just now and did seem really overwhelmed after nursery on Friday.

Well, I guess I will just go along with things and see how he settles in. Hopefully he will either start having a little nap before nursery or going to bed earlier will combat his meltdown after nursery. His teacher was probably just letting me know what he's been up to rather than telling me off but I still feel quite guilty about him pushing over other children and upsetting them.

Thanks again for the help :)