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Worried about my 15 year old

(3 Posts)
loops73 Sat 27-Aug-11 23:58:59

I have two beautiful children-a girl who is 15 and a boy who is 11. I'm not worried about my boy-he is happy, confident, just started grammar school and is looking forward to his new opportunities. My daughter is clever, hard working and great company. She doesn't fit the mould of a 'typical' teenager-she loves family time, is respectful and thoughtful and she just loves her mum and dad. So far so good.
However, I'm concerned about her relationships with friends. She doesn't go out socialising at all. This summer she has been to the cinema with one friend and was invited out the next day to the local town with a group of girls from school. She didn't enjoy herself as her friends met up with a group of boys and, according to my daughter, they kinda ditched her to spend time with the boys. She felt very left out and I ended up going to collect her. I realise that I was only hearing her side of the story, but it's difficult to offer her the best advice. Her dad said that she should have been more assertive and just joined in with the group, but she finds that prospect hard. She doesn't seem to find it a problem chatting to boys in school, but she has no interest yet in romance, and finds the giggly and 'stalking' behaviour of her friends difficult to understand. I know that they're behaving like normal 15/16 year old girls, but my daughter doesn't seem ready yet. I have brought her up to be single-minded and she takes pride in the fact that she is not easily led.
It is wonderful that I have no worries at the moment about her going down the wrong path-I know where she is all the time as she is always with me! I have tried to encourage her to get involved with clubs and organisations, but she's never really been a joiner apart from school choir.
I have asked her teachers about her social skills in school, and I have been assured that they find her delightful and that she seems to get on well with her peers.

marylou56 Sun 28-Aug-11 00:47:44

I could have written exactly the same about my daughter last year when she was 15 and I used to worry about her. What a difference a year makes and she is now a much more confident, outgoing individual who is very much part of a lovely mixed group (i.e. boys and girls). She still isn't interested in romance,and she has no desires to join some of her school mates nightclubbing and drinking.

How has this happened? I would say it's down to lots of positive comments from us as parents so that she doesn't feel as though she is "odd" and she has also been encouraged to be more assertive, and make the effort to go out when asked. I must add that her social group is not really school based, but from the Athletics club she joined about 18 months ago.

Hope this reassures you. You are lucky to have such a good daughter!

startail Sun 28-Aug-11 01:10:55

Don't worry, she'll find her social group in her own good time, but it might not be until 6 form or collage.
Neither DH, me or my 13 year old DD1 can be bothered with socialising unless we are with a bunch of people we share interests with. The silly gossip surrounding teen relationships, pop music and soaps bored me witless and it does DD1.
Surely it's better she waits until she finds real soul mates, than gets drunk or worse trying to be one of the gang.

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