Are all 6 year olds horrible?

[shuckleberryfinn]

I mean it can't be just mine?

He's nearly 7 now and has reverted to some awesome toddler tantrums. Full on throwing himself at the floor kicking and screaming with the odd bit of headbutting floors thrown in. Room trashing, shouting and crying plus shouts of "it's not fair". It's almost funny to see my hugely tall gangly son throwing himself around like this.

My husband has just caught him trying to take change out of my shrap jar. To cut a long story short this tantrum has ended him up in bed early with no TV and no playing out tomorrow (he said his friend told him to get money) I suspect its par for the course, my husband is convinced he's abnormal. Reassure me please.

I deserve wine for dealing with this don't I?

[thelittlebluepills]

My six year old is just the same - the tantrums can be awesome - door slamming, kicking walls, screaming "I hate you" and "I want new parents" (which is sometimes tempting to arrange for him)

We saw our lovely understanding paediatrician about another issue but mentioned this whilst we were there. He reassured us that it's normal and the best approach is to totally ignore it (and say very calmly that you are going to totally ignore them until they decide to calm down). If your DS is still in the room then quietly leave the room and go and do something else - if you get followed then just pretend that he is not even there. Once he calms down, talk calmly to him using questions "was that a good way to react? did you get what you wanted? what would be a better way of reacting?" commiserate with him if he breaks one of his toys etc during the tantrum.

I was very dubious about this approach but I have to say that it does work really well - the tantrums haven't stopped but have reduced in frequency

The main thing is (if you can manage it) not to shout or get angry yourself -

good luck!

[slimmingsarahandco]

i really could have written your post shuckle! its a phase that appears to take approx 6 months to get any better- if my friends children are anything to go by=

my ds- 6.8- has just stared this - however my friends ds- 6.10 is calming down again and being polite, well mannered and helpful more understanding and listens better too etc x after 6 months of hell!

i really hope the phase passes quickly as i could commit a murder here some days!

[hester]

My rising-6 dd is growing horns, I swear.

[SiamoFottuti]

My six year old is utterly delightful. However I'm pretty sure hsi brother won't be!

[Hebrewlass]

Well DH has only been back at work 2 days from his days off and I have washed my 6 yr old DDs mouth out with soap ! Am so exasperated with her cheeky back chatting.

[KindKim]

See that's why i love mumsnet, sometimes you log on and stumble across a thread that helps to ease a current struggle. While i wouldn't have posted about my ds (6 surprisingly) resurrected tantrums they are something that needs to be seen to be believed. I can relate to each post, incl the i hate you shouting.

I vary my approach depending on my patience/schedule/cause of tantrum. But really, I should pick and stick to one. Easier said than done i guess when you have other children, working, etc.

What i dont understand is why he does it? I dont mean each individual tantrum, i always know what has triggered each one but why tantrum at all?

We have discussed too many times to mention, about the best way to communicate his desire/frustration etc. He has often missed out due to his tantrum, and gained something i wouldn't normally cede to just because he has approached it in the right way...ie punishing the bad and rewarding the good. But he still has these blips...so frustrating for the rest of the family as it often ruins the good mood of the day.

But he can discuss it rationally when calm, about the best way to behave, and how it's no benefit to anyone when he tantrums. So why do it????

Bless him, he can be soooo lovely when calm, then this monster tantrummer appears!

And is it just boys? DD 8 never went thru this. Very worried as have another dd whos just coming out of the first round of tantrums

[KindKim]

Ah i see Hester and Hebrewlass tantrum terrors are dd's, scratch that last question of mine.

sitting rocking in a chair, chewing my fingernails as i count the years until dd2 will be 7!

[WorzselMummage]

My 6 year old can be vile. She is really unpleasent to be around sometimes but now I've learnt that the only way to deal with it is to send her to her room as soon as a wobbly starts, tell her she can come down when she's calmed down and shut the door and ignore!

[hester]

We are experiencing constant backchat, defiance, refusal to do anything without being begged/bribed/threatened about a thousand times... Lots of weeping and wailing and, "You are the worst mum in the world and if you really loved me like you say you do you wouldn't want to hurt my feelings".

I love her to bits but I'm feeling pretty worn out right now.

[Hebrewlass]

Hester - ditto. The holidays have been awful . I sat down on Sunday in a crying wreck on Sunday and then developed a migraine from the fedupness of it all. Really feel like I'm going wrong some where . DD has such a beautiful heart sometimes but really does not seem to have any respect for me at the mo . I am bombarded with shouting and back chat from her almost constantly .

[Giddly]

"I've learnt that the only way to deal with it is to send her to her room as soon as a wobbly starts, tell her she can come down when she's calmed down and shut the door and ignore!" - I'm always amazed when I see this - how on earth do you get them to stay there when they're throwing a wobbly?

[chickydoo]

Just wondering are your 6 yr olds youngest or eldest children?
My 6 yr old boy is.. (you are going to hate me) an angel, sweet, cute, polite, does little jobs like emptying dish washer and feeding cats....Lovely!!!!!
However his two teenage siblings are hideous and make 6 yr old look like a cross between Mother Teresa and Mary Poppins with a bit of George Clooney charm!
I guess we can't have it all

[AChickenCalledKorma]

According to my 6 yo daughter "Noooooobody understaaaaaaaands me!"

Which is, to be frank, sometimes perfectly true.

[tigana]

DS is just 6 and wowsers is he being "challenging" at the moment. When he's good he is bloody lovely, and when he is bad he is a bossy, stroppy little arse, frankly.
I have found ignoring him totally sort of helps, although sometimes impossible (esp. if he is standing in the doorway in front of me saying "mummy, either we go on a bike ride OR I smash your painting...it's up to you" ). If he threatens destruction/aggression I tell him off for that, then ignore the thrashing about and shouting then ensues.
Sounds like I am handling it far better than I really am.....

[Davsmum]

Sounds like a normal 6 year old.
He is pushing boundaries and making his presence felt.
Reign him in and let him know who is in charge before he thinks he can behave like a little monster !

He is not abnormal - and yes,.. you deserve wine,.. infact its absolutely necessary ! ;-)

[AllYourCakeAreBelongToMe]

To answer your OP, shuckleberry,
Yes.
HTH.
(worn out mother of 6yo ds here, who's mightily relieved to find this thread, as she thought it was just hers)...

[mamasmissionimpossible]

My ds is like this too. It's reassuring to read I am not alone. I was starting to think I had got this parenting lark all wrong, and I am raising a rude, disobedient little monster. I'm hoping this phase won't last too long!

[wigglesrock]

My 6 year old (only 6 in June) is so feckin' insolent and I swore I'd never use that word (it was one of my Mums favourites She stamps her foot while bemoaning how unfair everything is and how she has to do everything! I asked her to pick up her nightdress.

[mistlethrush]

Ds can sometimes be unbearably awful. We had a 'nice' day out a few weeks ago - should have been lovely. Ds pressed every 'button' continually and we left early and drove home in silence. He also can throw a 'good' strop, although he stomps off upstairs to his room without being told to do so ().

However, this last 2 weeks he's been lovely. Yes, the odd thing - but he's only 6 - that's allowed - just none of the downright nasty, horrid behaviour.

I do hope we're coming out the other end!!!

[hester]

I met some of the mothers of children in my dd's class the other day - 5 of them. All of them moaning about how ghastly their kids have been all summer long. It really cheered me up

[IsItABoyThing]

PHEW, didn't have time to hunt earlier, when I posted similar above/below.....mine doesnt have tantrums as such, but he just answers back a lot, is cheeky and rude and its all new, over the last few months (he was 6 in December).

Maybe its a phase after all :o hope it doesnt last, I want my lovely boy back!

[bacon]

My DS1 isnt 6 yet but his behaviour changed just before he was 5 and starting reception.

I would say I hate him some days and will do anything to pass him to friends/relations. The weekends are the hardest.

I feel so weak and exhausted - never thought it could be so bad. I do think that constant discipline and threats only work.

So happy I did summer play scheme he loves it - not as much as me though but dreading next week as its finishing on friday.

[DukesOfTripHazard]

I have had two episodes of this with DD 6.10. Each time, what has picked things up hugely is (I know, it's hard to deliver) lots of positive attention and praise. 6 praising things to 1 criticism is supposed to be the most effective ratio.

'i really like the way you are doing x' etc.

All is well when I am on top of life. The second I lose it or say something like 'actually you're wrong about that'.... I get it back double or worse.

[spudinvasion]

My DS is six and we are having similar issues. He doesn't so much tantrum but he will throw himself on the bed/sofa/floor and just cry. You cannot talk to him, reason with him or make any progress. I just have to leave him alone until he decides he is bored.

He often says he dosn't love me and seems to take delight in telling me he loves everyone else except me which I know a lot of DCs do but it just seems so spiteful.

Its such a shame because he can be so loving. This morning he told me I was the only lovely Mum on earth and eveyone should have a Mum like me!!!

I do believe the lack of routine over the holidays has made him worse - I think he craves rotuine.

Dukes I agree about the praise, I do try. Today I told him how grateful I was for him being so helpful while we were shopping and he sais "Its ok Mum, can I have a Lego mini figure now" !!!

[thelittlebluepills]

giddly - I used to think the same thing about having a naughty step - my kids would just refuse to sit on it!

with DS the most effective approach was to tell him to go to his room and refuse to acknowledge his existence until he had gone to his room - after a couple of times at least he knows to buzz off to his room now to have the almighty tantrum - he also quite enjoys stropping off to his room as it gives him the opportunity to slam the door after him