Think my 5YO DS has been abducted by aliens and replaced...what's happened to his behaviour?(4 Posts)
Hi I have never posted here before but am desperately in need of advice from some others who have been through this. My almost 5YO DS has always been one for testing boundaries, but now he has become impossible. Though he is sometimes the boy he used to be, and fun to be with, there are other times when he seems to have deliberately 'forgotten' all manners and rules, ignores us, shouts, hits, and of course is totally obsessed with all that comes out of his bottom to the point it has stopped being in the slightest bit funny...I just don't know what to do. What's going on? Is it testosterone? 'Thinking Time' doesn't seem to cut the chase any more, nor does confiscating fave toys ('I don't care'). He is starting school tomorrow which I suspect will have something to do with it, but I am so worried about him. Any advice?
Am sympathetic. DS1 (4) has come out the other end of a really awful phase of being totally obnoxious. I'm sure it was, in part, hormonal. He had so much agression, particularly toward his cousin and brother. He was trying to explain to me that he couldn't help himself 'My bones make me do it' 'I just want to wrestle all the time' etc. I was desperate and sad about it all. (posted on here too - will try and find thread for you) There were some other issues (oldest of 3, new baby, starting school, needed more stimulation etc.) but I'm sure the agression was to a great extent, testoterone fuelled. I did, on other posters and family advice stop all 'violent' TV shows eg Batman, Spiderman, Ben10 etc and just let him watch Peppa, Cbeebies etc, more gentle programs. This was actually a lot less difficult than I thought it would be and he never asks for them now and I'm sure that made a difference. DH also suspended wrestling etc. And he does more football / dancing/ running in garden etc. All excellent MN advice!
I'm assuming you've already tried reward charts etc? For DS I spent some time making 'goodboy tokens' one afternoon and a postbox to put them in. At the end of the day we would sit and post them in (you ate your dinner so nicely, you didnt hit DS2 even when he teased you, you played nicely with your sister etc). Tokens were taken away if specific behaviours were repeated but this happened rarely. Tokens are saved for a weekend treat (swim, cinema, of DS's favourite which is a trip to the bootfair to buy little toys that he loves, robots etc).
God knows I'm just grateful it's over and he is back to his delightful (mostly!) self but I know how dreadful it is.
I read an excellent book
Divas and Dictators
when he was a dreadful 2 year old but often dip into it, particularly the part about constant positives. It's worth a read (I am not a self help book entusiast but thought this had soe good practical ideas).
I am too sympathetic - Have a 5yr old DS, who has recently turned into a little monster. I have always been keen on routine and the last few weeks has been a bit all over the place for him, I have put it down to a him feeling unsettled - first year in school so first school holidays, spending a week with grandparents who spoilt him rotten and did not give him any boundries, seeing less of me, as I have had to work (bah).
It came to a head today when I asked him if he had had a nice day with his dad, he barely grunted an answer at me. I took all of his toys out of his room, yes every one! We sat down and had a talk about his rudeness and what I felt was bad behaviour, he has always responed well to chats like this before - i do re-inforce how much I love him too. I made him tell me what would be good rules - you will be surprised at what he may suggest! I thentold him he can have a toy back everytime he does something good, I will make sure he gets rewarded for every little please and thankyou to begin with. I agree with what others have said, sometimes we get so fixated with telling them off we forget to say well done and thank you - my DS simple shines when I tell him how well he has done and how proud I am!
Good luck with starting school - another hurdle!
Join the discussion
Please login first.